[ tetanus, spray paint, and loneliess ]
So this house Ive moved into isnt exactly..... well its not as nice as my parents house where i grew up.
its pretty old. theres cracked pain on every wall, and theres a strange sort of bubbling, buckle-ing thing going on with the paint on my bedroom cieling.
there are a couple light switches that go to nowhere
some of the windows open. some dont. some dont stay open.
everything is the same, awful biege color. excpet for the bedrooms and the upstairs bathroom. my bedroom just so happens to be a terribly unpleasant blood red. once i get a job im painting that shit a plum purple.
the bathroom has century old blue and white pinstripe wallpaper, which is stained and peeling in most areas. thankfully our landlady said she'd pay us to paint it to our liking.
our front porch looks like a bomb went off. its my favorite part of the house though.
BUT. i love it anyway. its better than an apartment where i have to take an elevator any time i want to go out, have to pay out the ass to park anywhere and my car gets effed over anyway, people stop by when youre talking loud enough to hear more than two other people in the room and they take your booze and threaten with the idea of cops.
i was taking the trash out back a little while ago and some random rounded metal thingamajig on the door stabbed me in the arm. even though it is rounded it cut my skin and bled a teeeeeeny bit. didnt hurt, but hey, thankfully i got my tetanus shot a few years ago so im good till im 26 or something. i think. im pretty sure they last 10 years.
rode my bike for the better part of my day yesterday. still in a bit of pain, but it was well worth it for jimmy johns, cigarettes, and to get an idea for what books i want next time i get some cash.
today i gathered the energy to drag my big ass dresser down the stairs so I can spray paint it, since Josiah is proving to be a lot less reliable lately.
i just finnished spray painting it, and i must say, i enjoyed doing it. and it turned out pretty awesome. theres some sweet purple, silver, and green flames on a matte black now for my dresser. i might put pictures up one day but it would way way cooler if you came and visited to see it. im pretty proud of it. i ran out of paint though and didnt really get to finnish the top of my dresser. I might go get some more purple tomorrow to finnish it off.
rachel works all the time. it sucks, but you gotta go what you gotta do, right?
Ive been getting progressively lonelier, and when im not totally alone then im usually the third wheel for my two best friends. gay. I need a cat. or a boyfriend. or both, which would totally take the cake.
going back to brighton [AGAIN] on the fourth. staying till the 9th. going to get my car finnished [since the people at campbell collision are complete dunderheads] and go to tom's graduation party!
Im seeing a psychologist. Just getting evaluated and such, its pretty much looking like schizoaffective dissorder and trichtotallimania and stuff. basically the main reason why i chose a psychOLOGIST and not a psyCHIATRIST is because this guy can't write prescriptions, he cant just sit with me for one hour and decide at the end of the session how many milligrams of what pills i need to take and then just write it out and tell me to come back in one month. this guy is just gonna tell me straight up what he thinks is wrong with me, and whats the best thing to do about it. he can let me in on some good people to talk to if i need therapy, and maybe even some alternatives to heavy medication. i see him every couple of weeks and we basically just go through my past history of dellusions, hallucinations, medications, events in my life, etc. I really like this guy. He reminds me of my Dad, only not as roughly-hewn and a but more professional. Dont get me wrong, I love my Dad for his outdoorsy hands on ted nugentism. I also love him for how much he hates wearing ties and slacks and nice shoes. haha, wow talk about a tagent.
Uhm. I honestly dont know what else to really say.
Oh wait. A few of you are gonna want to outright smack me for this.
Ive been talking to Matt again.
.... yeah....
He called to apologise for everything, and at first I was just really cold towards him. We dont talk on a regular basis, and we havent even hung out or anything. I dont know. Maybe Ive always been a little too forgiving. I just dont believe in holding grudges. There are a couple people I will never allow back in my life because of many reasons, mainly because I just dont see the point and theyre back in brighton anyway. Its different with Matt. After everything, of course I will never be as close to him as I once was. I am not the person I was when he knew me, or even before he knew me. I'm really a lot more confident with myself, a lot more self-assured and comfortable with who I am. I not longer hate myself.
Oh, plus he said I was allowed to hit him as hard as I thought he deserved, and that he'd give me my tapestry and stuff back. win-win-win? I think so.
And, I can honestly say that I no longer love him. Im not sure if Im even attracted to him [well like I said I havent seen him] but just as well, Im not attracted to the idea of him either. I guess Im more just bored, curious, and lonely so I dont really see the point in holding onto the pain he caused me. I wouldnt mind having another friend around sometimes.
hey wow this has gotten pretty long. I doubt many people will even read this, since they usually don't anyway. But oh well.
I still stand with the idea that LiveJournal should offer a service where they will print, bind, and sell you your own journal entries. I know I'd pay for it.
Oh well.
its pretty old. theres cracked pain on every wall, and theres a strange sort of bubbling, buckle-ing thing going on with the paint on my bedroom cieling.
there are a couple light switches that go to nowhere
some of the windows open. some dont. some dont stay open.
everything is the same, awful biege color. excpet for the bedrooms and the upstairs bathroom. my bedroom just so happens to be a terribly unpleasant blood red. once i get a job im painting that shit a plum purple.
the bathroom has century old blue and white pinstripe wallpaper, which is stained and peeling in most areas. thankfully our landlady said she'd pay us to paint it to our liking.
our front porch looks like a bomb went off. its my favorite part of the house though.
BUT. i love it anyway. its better than an apartment where i have to take an elevator any time i want to go out, have to pay out the ass to park anywhere and my car gets effed over anyway, people stop by when youre talking loud enough to hear more than two other people in the room and they take your booze and threaten with the idea of cops.
i was taking the trash out back a little while ago and some random rounded metal thingamajig on the door stabbed me in the arm. even though it is rounded it cut my skin and bled a teeeeeeny bit. didnt hurt, but hey, thankfully i got my tetanus shot a few years ago so im good till im 26 or something. i think. im pretty sure they last 10 years.
rode my bike for the better part of my day yesterday. still in a bit of pain, but it was well worth it for jimmy johns, cigarettes, and to get an idea for what books i want next time i get some cash.
today i gathered the energy to drag my big ass dresser down the stairs so I can spray paint it, since Josiah is proving to be a lot less reliable lately.
i just finnished spray painting it, and i must say, i enjoyed doing it. and it turned out pretty awesome. theres some sweet purple, silver, and green flames on a matte black now for my dresser. i might put pictures up one day but it would way way cooler if you came and visited to see it. im pretty proud of it. i ran out of paint though and didnt really get to finnish the top of my dresser. I might go get some more purple tomorrow to finnish it off.
rachel works all the time. it sucks, but you gotta go what you gotta do, right?
Ive been getting progressively lonelier, and when im not totally alone then im usually the third wheel for my two best friends. gay. I need a cat. or a boyfriend. or both, which would totally take the cake.
going back to brighton [AGAIN] on the fourth. staying till the 9th. going to get my car finnished [since the people at campbell collision are complete dunderheads] and go to tom's graduation party!
Im seeing a psychologist. Just getting evaluated and such, its pretty much looking like schizoaffective dissorder and trichtotallimania and stuff. basically the main reason why i chose a psychOLOGIST and not a psyCHIATRIST is because this guy can't write prescriptions, he cant just sit with me for one hour and decide at the end of the session how many milligrams of what pills i need to take and then just write it out and tell me to come back in one month. this guy is just gonna tell me straight up what he thinks is wrong with me, and whats the best thing to do about it. he can let me in on some good people to talk to if i need therapy, and maybe even some alternatives to heavy medication. i see him every couple of weeks and we basically just go through my past history of dellusions, hallucinations, medications, events in my life, etc. I really like this guy. He reminds me of my Dad, only not as roughly-hewn and a but more professional. Dont get me wrong, I love my Dad for his outdoorsy hands on ted nugentism. I also love him for how much he hates wearing ties and slacks and nice shoes. haha, wow talk about a tagent.
Uhm. I honestly dont know what else to really say.
Oh wait. A few of you are gonna want to outright smack me for this.
Ive been talking to Matt again.
.... yeah....
He called to apologise for everything, and at first I was just really cold towards him. We dont talk on a regular basis, and we havent even hung out or anything. I dont know. Maybe Ive always been a little too forgiving. I just dont believe in holding grudges. There are a couple people I will never allow back in my life because of many reasons, mainly because I just dont see the point and theyre back in brighton anyway. Its different with Matt. After everything, of course I will never be as close to him as I once was. I am not the person I was when he knew me, or even before he knew me. I'm really a lot more confident with myself, a lot more self-assured and comfortable with who I am. I not longer hate myself.
Oh, plus he said I was allowed to hit him as hard as I thought he deserved, and that he'd give me my tapestry and stuff back. win-win-win? I think so.
And, I can honestly say that I no longer love him. Im not sure if Im even attracted to him [well like I said I havent seen him] but just as well, Im not attracted to the idea of him either. I guess Im more just bored, curious, and lonely so I dont really see the point in holding onto the pain he caused me. I wouldnt mind having another friend around sometimes.
hey wow this has gotten pretty long. I doubt many people will even read this, since they usually don't anyway. But oh well.
I still stand with the idea that LiveJournal should offer a service where they will print, bind, and sell you your own journal entries. I know I'd pay for it.
Oh well.