the worst part is
the waiting.
i can always handle the moment. in fact, i usually surprise myself at how together i am or at least appear to be in the moment. it's the waiting that gets to me.
waiting to find out what has been decided and when the decision will affect me. while i'm waiting i make too many plans. contingencies are exhausting. deciding how to cope is exhausting.
afterwards there is only one plan and its not even a plan its just living. i would like to get to the living part.
i can always handle the moment. in fact, i usually surprise myself at how together i am or at least appear to be in the moment. it's the waiting that gets to me.
waiting to find out what has been decided and when the decision will affect me. while i'm waiting i make too many plans. contingencies are exhausting. deciding how to cope is exhausting.
afterwards there is only one plan and its not even a plan its just living. i would like to get to the living part.