Day 5-9, and other things.
I'm feeling much, much better.
Sometimes you just need those cranky and sad days. I've had a few.
But thank you so much for your support and love. You guys. ♥
I'm ready to resume my 100 things...thing. I think I might only do half of them today. The problem with these things is it's so easy to fall behind. Bother. But it's still been fun, and I do enjoy it.
So, I finally went into work after my manager has been trying to contact me for weeks. I'm horribly mad at myself for putting it off for so long. She's been so patient and I told her my anxiety has been bad, and she was very understanding. She wants to hire me back part-time. I'm flattered, but I don't think I can go back. I really did like my co-workers, but I just can't. Retail, even if it is a bookstore, just doesn't work for me. I'm going to call her back in a few weeks and let her know. If I get desperate for money (and with the way things are going with my luck this might happen), I might consider going, but for now, I've saved up enough money so I don't have to work this summer. This leads into two things I am very happy about.
5: I am grateful for my money-saving abilities. This goes along with being grateful that I have the privilege of being able-bodied and have had employers that understood my anxiety issues, which enabled me to work and save up money. Also, that I am not drowning in debt like so many of my classmates, and even my parents, and that I have no dependents to worry about. I am grateful that I am a champion budget shopper, incredibly frugal and easy to please. I guess I'm just all-around grateful for my current financial situation. Knock on wood.
6: I am grateful that my first "real" job was at this bookstore. It was the first job I ever applied for, too. I got really lucky. While I really hated the company I worked for, my co-workers have been great (those who were not quit). Going into the "job market" I thought I had very few "skills", but I eventually became a key holder, "manager on duty", along with the health and safety and loss prevention "officer", so I have a pretty good resume and refrences coming out of it (on top of my Katimavik work experience (that's one for another time).
7: I am grateful for pagan books. Most of you know by now that I collect books. And that I have a special "sweet tooth" for pagan interest. Yes, even the horrible wishy-washy new-agey ones. They make me lol, make me think critically, and may be used for future academic endeavors (also, if they are on my shelf, that means that's one less copy in circulation, cough cough).
My love for them started in high school when I was stuck in the Catholic school system, in which my sister was almost kicked out for bringing tarot cards (which my mom bought for her) to school. Within these walls was a library in which you'd would never EVER see anything pertaining to "heathen" stuff, except ~Native mythology~. After all, we did have some joke of an Indigenous Studies program. However, in their defense, in my LAST high school, my profs were great, there was just no support from other faculties.
Coming out of elementary school, I was finally out of the stage in which I'd cry myself to sleep because I thought my parents were going to burn in hell for not going to church. I moved on from being "godfearing" to moving into stealing and reading my sister's Wiccan library books when she was not home, and being proud of my heritage. Not that "becoming proud of my heritage" is completely linked to my spirituality - it's not. this was more of an awakening and acknowledgement of my ancestor's struggles with colonization which saw the stealing and demonization if their spirituality and coming to terms with my own internalized colonization. This made my curiosity about other religions much more bearable and personally forgivable.
My dad bought me my first deck of tarot cards (the Renaissance Tarot Deck) when I was 14, along with a "spellcraft" bargain book from, surprise surprise, the very store I'd be employed at five years later. I loved both the cards and the book. They were so beautiful and intriguing, and okay, I admit it, I hated school so much I also liked the appeal of appreciating the ~heresy~ that was witchcraft. I didn't expect books to really lead me into my own spirituality, but here's the cool thing, it TOTALLY DID. Although in high school, there were indeed some other pagans at my school, they were not particularly friendly, and the worst of them seemed to think that I had some great insight into spellcraft because my sister and I were literally two of three native people in our school. We were exotic and magical and yeah...no. So to books it was. They were way more approachable than high school people, and I'm happy to have found them.
Even though I am no big fan of a good chunk of pagan books out there, I am grateful to them.
Still today, I don't really have any pagan friends "IRL", so they continue to be a source of connection and comfort.
I love them. So much so that I came home from work to THIS:
Literal bags of books.
Ah, bliss. Beautiful, beautiful pagan bliss. Of course, not all of these are relevant to me personally, but I pride myself in the diversity in my growing collection and you got 50 cents off off of all the books you bought from the same vendor, so I was like "WHAT THE HELL", and bought more.
Story of my bookish life.
Yes, if you lived by me, you totally could borrow from my collection.
8: I am grateful for this awesome cluster of plants. SO GRATEFUL, LET ME TELL YOU.
It is a tea plant collection, and we made a tonic last night and it was so fresh and delicious. It is: lemon verbena, mint, white herb, "earl gray" scarlet bee balm, sage and thyme.
Please grow and prosper, Miss Tea Collection. I want your delicious tea every night.
Last picture, I promise.
9: I am grateful for Fair Trade Chocolate, and other awesome things.
Saturday the 12th was World Fair Trade Day. Brett is the fair trade president (or something like this) in the campus' Engineer's Without Borders chapter. Ten Thousand Villages approached him for an "event" and they set up a coupon which could be redeemed so that 15% of the purchases in the store on that day would support their chapter. Well, I "supported the chapter" this day. Delicious, delicious fair trade noms.
I know fair trade isn't perfect (and thankfully, so does the EWB chapter) but until I can grow my own cocoa beans, it'll have to do for now.
I'm currently reading Cunt. I'm not impressed so far. And I've only read the introduction. Page 6:
Womankind is varied and vast.
But we all have cunts.
How's that for cisexism? Uhg. Anyone who's read it, does it get better? I somehow doubt it. I know an excuse can be made for "it was published in 1998", but IDK. i am dissapoint.
BUT I AM REGISTERED FOR THE ACTIVIST CAMP. SO I AM ALSO EXCITE.
I have gazillion of photos to share from the rally and general wanderings. But I think this entry is long enough. Maybe tomorrow. Or in a while, because Brett's going to be gone for 6 days and I'll have nothing better to do.
Kudos if you read all that.
edit
I just had to share the awesomeness that is this on my f-list (butchered for privacy obvs):
SBP. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
I love you guys.
Sometimes you just need those cranky and sad days. I've had a few.
But thank you so much for your support and love. You guys. ♥
I'm ready to resume my 100 things...thing. I think I might only do half of them today. The problem with these things is it's so easy to fall behind. Bother. But it's still been fun, and I do enjoy it.
So, I finally went into work after my manager has been trying to contact me for weeks. I'm horribly mad at myself for putting it off for so long. She's been so patient and I told her my anxiety has been bad, and she was very understanding. She wants to hire me back part-time. I'm flattered, but I don't think I can go back. I really did like my co-workers, but I just can't. Retail, even if it is a bookstore, just doesn't work for me. I'm going to call her back in a few weeks and let her know. If I get desperate for money (and with the way things are going with my luck this might happen), I might consider going, but for now, I've saved up enough money so I don't have to work this summer. This leads into two things I am very happy about.
5: I am grateful for my money-saving abilities. This goes along with being grateful that I have the privilege of being able-bodied and have had employers that understood my anxiety issues, which enabled me to work and save up money. Also, that I am not drowning in debt like so many of my classmates, and even my parents, and that I have no dependents to worry about. I am grateful that I am a champion budget shopper, incredibly frugal and easy to please. I guess I'm just all-around grateful for my current financial situation. Knock on wood.
6: I am grateful that my first "real" job was at this bookstore. It was the first job I ever applied for, too. I got really lucky. While I really hated the company I worked for, my co-workers have been great (those who were not quit). Going into the "job market" I thought I had very few "skills", but I eventually became a key holder, "manager on duty", along with the health and safety and loss prevention "officer", so I have a pretty good resume and refrences coming out of it (on top of my Katimavik work experience (that's one for another time).
7: I am grateful for pagan books. Most of you know by now that I collect books. And that I have a special "sweet tooth" for pagan interest. Yes, even the horrible wishy-washy new-agey ones. They make me lol, make me think critically, and may be used for future academic endeavors (also, if they are on my shelf, that means that's one less copy in circulation, cough cough).
My love for them started in high school when I was stuck in the Catholic school system, in which my sister was almost kicked out for bringing tarot cards (which my mom bought for her) to school. Within these walls was a library in which you'd would never EVER see anything pertaining to "heathen" stuff, except ~Native mythology~. After all, we did have some joke of an Indigenous Studies program. However, in their defense, in my LAST high school, my profs were great, there was just no support from other faculties.
Coming out of elementary school, I was finally out of the stage in which I'd cry myself to sleep because I thought my parents were going to burn in hell for not going to church. I moved on from being "godfearing" to moving into stealing and reading my sister's Wiccan library books when she was not home, and being proud of my heritage. Not that "becoming proud of my heritage" is completely linked to my spirituality - it's not. this was more of an awakening and acknowledgement of my ancestor's struggles with colonization which saw the stealing and demonization if their spirituality and coming to terms with my own internalized colonization. This made my curiosity about other religions much more bearable and personally forgivable.
My dad bought me my first deck of tarot cards (the Renaissance Tarot Deck) when I was 14, along with a "spellcraft" bargain book from, surprise surprise, the very store I'd be employed at five years later. I loved both the cards and the book. They were so beautiful and intriguing, and okay, I admit it, I hated school so much I also liked the appeal of appreciating the ~heresy~ that was witchcraft. I didn't expect books to really lead me into my own spirituality, but here's the cool thing, it TOTALLY DID. Although in high school, there were indeed some other pagans at my school, they were not particularly friendly, and the worst of them seemed to think that I had some great insight into spellcraft because my sister and I were literally two of three native people in our school. We were exotic and magical and yeah...no. So to books it was. They were way more approachable than high school people, and I'm happy to have found them.
Even though I am no big fan of a good chunk of pagan books out there, I am grateful to them.
Still today, I don't really have any pagan friends "IRL", so they continue to be a source of connection and comfort.
I love them. So much so that I came home from work to THIS:
Literal bags of books.
Ah, bliss. Beautiful, beautiful pagan bliss. Of course, not all of these are relevant to me personally, but I pride myself in the diversity in my growing collection and you got 50 cents off off of all the books you bought from the same vendor, so I was like "WHAT THE HELL", and bought more.
Story of my bookish life.
Yes, if you lived by me, you totally could borrow from my collection.
8: I am grateful for this awesome cluster of plants. SO GRATEFUL, LET ME TELL YOU.
It is a tea plant collection, and we made a tonic last night and it was so fresh and delicious. It is: lemon verbena, mint, white herb, "earl gray" scarlet bee balm, sage and thyme.
Please grow and prosper, Miss Tea Collection. I want your delicious tea every night.
Last picture, I promise.
9: I am grateful for Fair Trade Chocolate, and other awesome things.
Saturday the 12th was World Fair Trade Day. Brett is the fair trade president (or something like this) in the campus' Engineer's Without Borders chapter. Ten Thousand Villages approached him for an "event" and they set up a coupon which could be redeemed so that 15% of the purchases in the store on that day would support their chapter. Well, I "supported the chapter" this day. Delicious, delicious fair trade noms.
I know fair trade isn't perfect (and thankfully, so does the EWB chapter) but until I can grow my own cocoa beans, it'll have to do for now.
I'm currently reading Cunt. I'm not impressed so far. And I've only read the introduction. Page 6:
Womankind is varied and vast.
But we all have cunts.
How's that for cisexism? Uhg. Anyone who's read it, does it get better? I somehow doubt it. I know an excuse can be made for "it was published in 1998", but IDK. i am dissapoint.
BUT I AM REGISTERED FOR THE ACTIVIST CAMP. SO I AM ALSO EXCITE.
I have gazillion of photos to share from the rally and general wanderings. But I think this entry is long enough. Maybe tomorrow. Or in a while, because Brett's going to be gone for 6 days and I'll have nothing better to do.
Kudos if you read all that.
edit
I just had to share the awesomeness that is this on my f-list (butchered for privacy obvs):
SBP. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
I love you guys.