things that have happened recently:

[faeriemaiden]

• Went to: family reunion (surprisingly fab in parts, partly because all of the weird members of the family hung out together at our campsite), the Dublin Irish Festival (Ohio, not Ireland, alas -- but much in the way of marvels though cut short by a rainstorm, and also I tripped on nothing and strained my knee for two weeks), and a cabin in West Virginia for a week (where I drank a lot of tea, had bad times with my brain, and stumbled into an antique store that also offered WINE TASTINGS and thus fell in love with pomegranate wine WHICH I CANNOT GET AT HOME BAH).

• Lost Medical Assistance upon turning twenty-one and have been off depression medication for over two months now. It... has not been a picnic. (And my period, which has never really been much of a problem -- I get a little extra cranky but who wouldn't when you feel gross and have cramps and worry about ruining sheets and skirts -- has suddenly turned into WEEK EVERYTHING IS HELL.)

• Went job-hunting so I could present proof of employment to the free clinic and get medication that way. Got a job at local ice cream parlour, yay! Oops, except they un-hired me before I ever even came into work. Thanks, guys. Got a job at Ruby Tuesday as a salad bar attendant. Started out a bit stressful, got better at it, but... job did not get better. Am suddenly facing the reality that I really, really don't like my job, it makes me feel claustrophobic and panicked, I don't want to be there, and I can't even offer any really concrete and convincing reasons why, except that apparently the restaurant business is NOT FOR ME. (I like cutting vegetables -- I mean, I don't look forward to it, but I can enjoy it when it's in front of me because whee, tactile, and KNIVES!, but there's nothing that really makes me want to come to work, I don't get to make anybody's day, and the three times I've ended up on a weekend closing shift I have come home crying hysterically half out of my mind from stress. Even though I can't point to any really good reason why I would be so stressed out, except that the closing shift is super long and often ends really late at night and it just keeps going on and on and I never know exactly when I get to go home.)

• Am seriously considering praying about whether I should start looking for a different job, but... how do I know which jobs will be better? Can I even expect to find another job? (You have no idea how badly I miss working at Waldenbooks. I genuinely loved what I did, even if I hated the company and the upper management -- my manager was fine, if kind of unexpectedly passive-agressive sometimes, but BORDERS WAS EVIL AND THAT IS WHY THEY ARE DEAD NOW, okay. And now we don't even HAVE A REAL BOOKSTORE IN OR NEAR TOWN. Which, when I think about it, my head reels a little. Yikes.) Also I don't know what the Next Step is. I'm making money for... what, exactly, aside from books and wine and baguettes and a new laptop? Should I go back to the college hunt? I need to get my degree so I can be a librarian and make money doing something that makes me happy. But... that ended so discouragingly last time! I can't just ~move out~ without some kind of extra support -- like, if I had a friend who wanted to get a flat in Boston or even Pittsburgh, and I could share with them, but I don't think I could handle figuring out rent and stuff alone without panicking and ruining everything. (I could totally handle grocery shopping, cleaning my own house, living alone, et cetera... it's the Big Adult Responsibility part that I'm afraid to do without someone to have my back.)

• In less dire news, accidentally gave birth to a YA paranormal boarding school trilogy (TRILOGY) (TRILOGY) (what is this help this has never happened before) (I KNOW HOW THE FIRST BOOK ENDS I KNOW EXACTLY HOW IT ENDS THIS IS KIND OF TERRIFYING BUT ALSO KIND OF GLORIOUS) (the second book is hazier but it has parallel magical dimensions and roadtrip shenanigans) (the third book is... really hazy, but I have time) thanks to a truly terrible television show and Michael Fassbender's stupid face. Yeah. It happens. (No, it does. I'm not the only one to whom this has happened.) My Tumblr has a tag for it. Anyway, NaNoWriMo will be fun this year. (If I can... manage NaNo mostly-good stress atop work stress? I really hope so. I crashed and burned last year and that made me sad, but that novel was not plotted out very well beforehand and I started off behind and I was off medication then, too, and so circumstances were against me.)

• Do finally have an appointment to see a doctor at the free clinic in a week, so I can... eventually... get back on medication. I don't know how long it will take, though.

• Work tonight, but only a three-hour shift, and get out before the stores close, and pick up paycheck today (I could have got it yesterday but: day off, and I really wanted to have one day where I'm not inside of the restaurant, especially as I only just consciously realised that I really, really do not like my job). So: stopping, it is to be hoped, on my way home to pick up red wine and base for my peroxide so I can bleach bits of my hair. (Can no longer dye hair unnatural colours. Sad. Open bathroom cupboard to see bottles of blue and purple and pink and get stupidly emotional about it. Bah.)

• Am attempting to actually read flist! Have "only friends, no communities or icon/writing journals" filter on for now, but there's... a lot I've missed, so if there's anything I should really know, please tell me! I miss you lot! <3