(no subject)
Rowan has a lump, that's bleeding. Last week I took him to see the vet and the medication made him really ill. I took him back yesterday and she said it's likely to be a tumour. She doesn't want to do anything invasive due to his heart problems and age. He's got different medicine and has to go back on Monday. She told me that I have to be aware that if it's bad, they wont be able to do anything for him and shortly I'll have to face the hardest decision of my entire life. I honestly don't want him to suffer, but I don't want to let him go and I know I'll fall apart. I absolutely don't want to be the one that has to give permission to end his life, but I know it entirely falls to me to do that as Rowan is and always has been very much my cat. I wont be able to cope with him not being here anymore, let alone the guilt of having him killed.