(no subject)
well today i was sick...or more like this morning. i really didn't want to go to school anyway. i wish i got more sleep. then i wouldn't feel this way. i'm such a lazy ass though.
so i'm thinking about how nice it would be to love someone, and playing game, after losing game, of spider solitaire. perhaps it's just...i like the idea of someone being there to snuggle with and have little inside jokes with, someone that doesn't care how i look and doesn't expect too much-they just want me. i don't know...i guess that's generally what everyone wants.
moving on. i had the weirdest dream last night. i wish it had been real, sort of. i only wish the first part was real. actually i thought it had really happened. i was thinking about calling megan to tell her when i woke up. but i dreamed that bryan had come to my house and tried to talk to me. do his whole walking all over me thing, touching me and making me feel like shit. and i beat him up. i beat him up in my clumsy way-scratching and throwing him down on the floor and then picking him back up and doing it all over again. i slapped him and i stepped on him-i literally walked all over him-which was part of the triumph i guess. i didn't hurt him too much because i was afraid too, i don't know why. but after that i was so angry that i was sweating-and my hair was standing straight up-i had a fro. anyway i left him lying on the floor and i went outside with elise because i was afraid he was going to beat me up and i didn't want him coming after me when i didn't have reinforcements. then i saw my ma looking into the window of the room where i had beat him up and then an ambulance comes-and i thought i had killed him but really he had tried to kill himself...which was weird-that i would not want to happen. so then it turns out that he's really not named bryan, his name is harry and he's my cousin,(ew gross i dated my cousin), and he was in this mental hospital and i was supposed to help him get better. then it turned into my old acting studio and the rest isn't important-plus i really can't remember it.
perhaps i need to confront him...i really don't want to though. it wouldn't be productive-i mean i would feel better but he wouldn't care. i am over him...so why did i dream that-does it mean i still have issues to deal with subconsciously? hahaha...good lord who knows. anyway i haven't really updated in a while...but that's because most of the time i don't have anything to say-and if i do i don't feel like having everyone hear it...which makes no sense-but whatever.
so i'm thinking about how nice it would be to love someone, and playing game, after losing game, of spider solitaire. perhaps it's just...i like the idea of someone being there to snuggle with and have little inside jokes with, someone that doesn't care how i look and doesn't expect too much-they just want me. i don't know...i guess that's generally what everyone wants.
moving on. i had the weirdest dream last night. i wish it had been real, sort of. i only wish the first part was real. actually i thought it had really happened. i was thinking about calling megan to tell her when i woke up. but i dreamed that bryan had come to my house and tried to talk to me. do his whole walking all over me thing, touching me and making me feel like shit. and i beat him up. i beat him up in my clumsy way-scratching and throwing him down on the floor and then picking him back up and doing it all over again. i slapped him and i stepped on him-i literally walked all over him-which was part of the triumph i guess. i didn't hurt him too much because i was afraid too, i don't know why. but after that i was so angry that i was sweating-and my hair was standing straight up-i had a fro. anyway i left him lying on the floor and i went outside with elise because i was afraid he was going to beat me up and i didn't want him coming after me when i didn't have reinforcements. then i saw my ma looking into the window of the room where i had beat him up and then an ambulance comes-and i thought i had killed him but really he had tried to kill himself...which was weird-that i would not want to happen. so then it turns out that he's really not named bryan, his name is harry and he's my cousin,(ew gross i dated my cousin), and he was in this mental hospital and i was supposed to help him get better. then it turned into my old acting studio and the rest isn't important-plus i really can't remember it.
perhaps i need to confront him...i really don't want to though. it wouldn't be productive-i mean i would feel better but he wouldn't care. i am over him...so why did i dream that-does it mean i still have issues to deal with subconsciously? hahaha...good lord who knows. anyway i haven't really updated in a while...but that's because most of the time i don't have anything to say-and if i do i don't feel like having everyone hear it...which makes no sense-but whatever.