Terrified
It has been a long time since the last time I wept this hard. I left early from work on Friday because I just couldn't stand to stay ... I needed a private space to cry, and I did. 'Til Saturday.
I was so afraid to face the working days ahead without her. We lost the last police, the last fortress. The only person whom we all trust to interfere, to become a mediator, to ask for some wise advice. The only person who could talk to the boss about some injustice that happened, about things that had gone wrong.
I just ... can't imagine.
Besides, we've been a very good friend, especially in last year.
Maybe it won't be this hard if the atmosphere is not this dirty. Maybe her leaving won't shape a hole this deep in my heart if there are other walls to lean on.
Unfortunately, there aren't.
I can't trust anyone.
I'm so scared that things will go wrong again without any control at all.
Now what I can think of is I need to get out of there ASAP, immediately. I'm sorry to become a coward, a selfish person that choose to save only myself .... But I can't be a heroine for everyone. I don't want to sacrifice my heart and happiness to something that I know will give me nothing except some mudharat and stressful feeling. I don't want to carry that burden, that big responsibility. I don't need to blacken my heart more. I can't damage myself more.
Can't I just, for once, think about me and not other people?
Well, after all, maybe my existence or nonexistence there won't make any difference.
I was so afraid to face the working days ahead without her. We lost the last police, the last fortress. The only person whom we all trust to interfere, to become a mediator, to ask for some wise advice. The only person who could talk to the boss about some injustice that happened, about things that had gone wrong.
I just ... can't imagine.
Besides, we've been a very good friend, especially in last year.
Maybe it won't be this hard if the atmosphere is not this dirty. Maybe her leaving won't shape a hole this deep in my heart if there are other walls to lean on.
Unfortunately, there aren't.
I can't trust anyone.
I'm so scared that things will go wrong again without any control at all.
Now what I can think of is I need to get out of there ASAP, immediately. I'm sorry to become a coward, a selfish person that choose to save only myself .... But I can't be a heroine for everyone. I don't want to sacrifice my heart and happiness to something that I know will give me nothing except some mudharat and stressful feeling. I don't want to carry that burden, that big responsibility. I don't need to blacken my heart more. I can't damage myself more.
Can't I just, for once, think about me and not other people?
Well, after all, maybe my existence or nonexistence there won't make any difference.