I think too much...
Saturday we all said farewell to Sean.
I have been thinking a lot.
Some good things and some bad. I need to change things. I am going to start focusing on working... making money... saving money... and going back to school. I need to do something to contribute to society. Right now I am little more than a waste. I am in a somewhat dead end job, even i I am on a fast track towards management... do I really want to just be a manager in a Shoppers Drugmart my whole life? I don't volunteer nearly enough, too many of my more recent friendships are made on a foundation of mud and I have been neglecting those made on a foundation of solid rock, and I just feel useless most of the time in general.
Ive been talking a lot more with people I was neglecting because I wanted to start a new life, my old one wasn't so bad though once I got rid of that evil vice, and they have helped me think a lot. I talk to them not because they are better than my other friends but because they knew Sean and the understand my pain in regards to him and his passing; whereas, my newer friends don't seem to see why I am suffering so much.
Something I guess people directly in my life now need to learn is that my chosen family is my real family. My chosen family means the world to me and they are pretty much all I have. I have had a tumultuous biological family life and I have little desire to interact with them (my father is really the only person I trust in my family). The family you choose does generally mean a lot to people because you have chosen them they were not forced into your life by blood and DNA, but for me my chosen family keeps me here and breathing. If it were not for members of my chosen family... I hate to say in times like these... but I too would not be here.
I have decided a few things. I need to get my life on some sort of path. I want to go back to school, to do so for what I want to do with my life this does probably mean leaving Red Deer. I am really serious about working my ass off to save the money to do this. This means less partying, which will not be an issue as I switch to graves soon, and more saving. If you are willing to see me through this... to help me on the path I am now choosing then I love you and I think you if not then I guess we may part ways soon but all the same it was wonderful being in your life.
I have been thinking a lot.
Some good things and some bad. I need to change things. I am going to start focusing on working... making money... saving money... and going back to school. I need to do something to contribute to society. Right now I am little more than a waste. I am in a somewhat dead end job, even i I am on a fast track towards management... do I really want to just be a manager in a Shoppers Drugmart my whole life? I don't volunteer nearly enough, too many of my more recent friendships are made on a foundation of mud and I have been neglecting those made on a foundation of solid rock, and I just feel useless most of the time in general.
Ive been talking a lot more with people I was neglecting because I wanted to start a new life, my old one wasn't so bad though once I got rid of that evil vice, and they have helped me think a lot. I talk to them not because they are better than my other friends but because they knew Sean and the understand my pain in regards to him and his passing; whereas, my newer friends don't seem to see why I am suffering so much.
Something I guess people directly in my life now need to learn is that my chosen family is my real family. My chosen family means the world to me and they are pretty much all I have. I have had a tumultuous biological family life and I have little desire to interact with them (my father is really the only person I trust in my family). The family you choose does generally mean a lot to people because you have chosen them they were not forced into your life by blood and DNA, but for me my chosen family keeps me here and breathing. If it were not for members of my chosen family... I hate to say in times like these... but I too would not be here.
I have decided a few things. I need to get my life on some sort of path. I want to go back to school, to do so for what I want to do with my life this does probably mean leaving Red Deer. I am really serious about working my ass off to save the money to do this. This means less partying, which will not be an issue as I switch to graves soon, and more saving. If you are willing to see me through this... to help me on the path I am now choosing then I love you and I think you if not then I guess we may part ways soon but all the same it was wonderful being in your life.