There's so much...
I have so much on my mind right now so I have a feeling this entry will be terribly long, or at least somewhat.
So the past has been on my mind for the last few days and it hurts. There are just constant reminders everywhere. I guess it is just painful to see someone you spent so much time with and had such a big part of your heart for a long time not care about you anymore. But it's so ironic... I sit and think about all this and I don't miss it and I don't want it back... but I don't want it to NOT be there. It's so confusing. Oh well, I mean, that's just how it goes I guess... Josh makes me feel better anyway. There is something about this kid that is so real. I know that sounds stupid but it's true. I mean, we have been on four dates? Maybe 5 idk and we haven't kissed yet... and most girls would think he is stupid or that we are elementary but honestly, it's soothing. By him not kissing me, I know his feelings towards me are genuine. It's not that he is shy, its just, real. I mean, with Nick, I kissed him the first time we hung out... but with Josh, I don't need to kiss him to feel those butterflies. They are just there. I'm such a girl... but it's true. I want this one to last a while. I hate relationships that end just as quickly as they started. Not that Nick and I didn't last long, because we kinda did, but it wasn't what I anticipated. I hate starting all over, having to let someone know who you are all over again. I think that is something to be cherished, that there should be seldom people who know your true self.
I guess I just feel lost. I mean, I know I am constantly surrounded by people who love me and care about me... I'm always around my friends and family... but sometime it feels like no one is there at all. With all this homework, and school, and work, and church, and relationships, I don't have time to myself. All I want is that one person who I can always turn to. I know God is always here for me but sometimes it is just comforting to SEE someone.
I guess that's it for my whining... for now. I will see you guys later.