101 -2012
1. This 101 is 3 months and 13 days
2. Out of date
3. I often thought about writing it
4. Whilst sitting in my one bedroom apartment
5. full of my favourite art. My chosen belongings
6. in the middle of my beautiful suburb
7. Thousands of miles from my old life
8. Where I am safe. And warm. And loved.
9. Smiling. Happy.
10. But I didn't until now.
11. Sitting here by myself
12. But not alone
13. (I am no longer ever truly alone. even when the doors are closed. and I am covered in silence)
14. These times they certainly are a-changing.
15. I am 31 years old now
16. Every year since I was 21 I have written 101
Things/reasons/excuses/truths
17. about myself
18. Because writing was once the only thing
19. That made me feels beautiful
20. I do not write anymore
21. Which disappoints me only a little
22. As being beautiful is now synonymous with living
23. And I have never been more alive
24. When I was 28 I emigrated to Australia
25. This was not planned
26. I left the UK for a holiday
27. And never returned
28. When I tell people this they say I am brave
29. I am not brave. I hide behind corners and loud noises make me shake for hours
30. Or they think I was running away
31. (I wasn't. I always knew I was running towards)
32. But regardless of how I got here
33. after a decade of being lost
34. I could finally see.
35. I discovered travelling the world gave me oxygen
36. after so many years of drowning in my own sadness
37. And I discovered the true meaning of freedom
38. and independence
39. (And realised that they were what I had been craving all along
40. so badly within the depths of my spine)
41. I met the most amazing people. Who changed my life in too many ways to ever thank them for
42. They will always be part of my smile
43. even though they are now spread far over the corners of the earth
44. Because these days I do smile
45. Daily. Hourly. And yearly
46. I am in love
47. not only with my world, my friends and myself
48. But with a man who loves me. Takes care of me. And never judges me
49. I am thankful for every moment
50. I can say with all my heart that this was worth every moment of my sorrow and despair
51. Every ache and longing
52. Because without that. I would never have been open enough to love
53. Anything
54. These days I no longer spend my hours longing for what I do not have
55. But appreciating what I will continue to achieve
56. Because anything is possible
57. as long as the sun is shining
58. This is not to say that life is always shining
59. Dark clouds still hover and threaten to soak my skin
60. to the bone
61. But I am older and wiser to know now
62. That these thunderstorms won’t stick around so long
63. And there is always comfort when dancing in the rain
64. I do not know much of what I would like 2013 to bring
65. I am still stubborn and fixated on always being right
66. I still have tendencies to push people away from me
67. (always fearful. in case they don’t fight back)
68. I will always speak too quickly without checking in with my head
69. But that is ok I think. I no longer judge myself so harshly.
70. I do know I will continue to travel so my eyes remain open
71. I pray that I will never again walk this world quite so blind
72. I will take day trips in summer
73. And wrap myself in blankets in winter
74. I no longer require drama, excitement and oblivion
75. To keep me moving
76. I am ok with standing still
78. For the moment at least
79. I am not naive enough to believe things will always feel this way
80. There will be many more mountains before this girl’s journey is over
81. (I can only hope)
82. But I can be happy at least to document
83. 3 months. And 13 days late
84. That today
85. I have arranged the pieces exactly in the places
86. That they need to be
87. Which makes a change that I didn’t always
88. Believe in
89. I am running low on sentences
90. And so I will wrap this up with some words to remember
91. Never stop trying
92. Never stop fighting
93. Never give up
94. Always believe
95. That anything is possible
96. Even when all is lost. Never lose yourself
97. Because in the end
98. Through all the suffering and endless, countless words written on a page
99. it’s all worth it in the end
100. even if the end
101. Only lasts a few moments
2. Out of date
3. I often thought about writing it
4. Whilst sitting in my one bedroom apartment
5. full of my favourite art. My chosen belongings
6. in the middle of my beautiful suburb
7. Thousands of miles from my old life
8. Where I am safe. And warm. And loved.
9. Smiling. Happy.
10. But I didn't until now.
11. Sitting here by myself
12. But not alone
13. (I am no longer ever truly alone. even when the doors are closed. and I am covered in silence)
14. These times they certainly are a-changing.
15. I am 31 years old now
16. Every year since I was 21 I have written 101
Things/reasons/excuses/truths
17. about myself
18. Because writing was once the only thing
19. That made me feels beautiful
20. I do not write anymore
21. Which disappoints me only a little
22. As being beautiful is now synonymous with living
23. And I have never been more alive
24. When I was 28 I emigrated to Australia
25. This was not planned
26. I left the UK for a holiday
27. And never returned
28. When I tell people this they say I am brave
29. I am not brave. I hide behind corners and loud noises make me shake for hours
30. Or they think I was running away
31. (I wasn't. I always knew I was running towards)
32. But regardless of how I got here
33. after a decade of being lost
34. I could finally see.
35. I discovered travelling the world gave me oxygen
36. after so many years of drowning in my own sadness
37. And I discovered the true meaning of freedom
38. and independence
39. (And realised that they were what I had been craving all along
40. so badly within the depths of my spine)
41. I met the most amazing people. Who changed my life in too many ways to ever thank them for
42. They will always be part of my smile
43. even though they are now spread far over the corners of the earth
44. Because these days I do smile
45. Daily. Hourly. And yearly
46. I am in love
47. not only with my world, my friends and myself
48. But with a man who loves me. Takes care of me. And never judges me
49. I am thankful for every moment
50. I can say with all my heart that this was worth every moment of my sorrow and despair
51. Every ache and longing
52. Because without that. I would never have been open enough to love
53. Anything
54. These days I no longer spend my hours longing for what I do not have
55. But appreciating what I will continue to achieve
56. Because anything is possible
57. as long as the sun is shining
58. This is not to say that life is always shining
59. Dark clouds still hover and threaten to soak my skin
60. to the bone
61. But I am older and wiser to know now
62. That these thunderstorms won’t stick around so long
63. And there is always comfort when dancing in the rain
64. I do not know much of what I would like 2013 to bring
65. I am still stubborn and fixated on always being right
66. I still have tendencies to push people away from me
67. (always fearful. in case they don’t fight back)
68. I will always speak too quickly without checking in with my head
69. But that is ok I think. I no longer judge myself so harshly.
70. I do know I will continue to travel so my eyes remain open
71. I pray that I will never again walk this world quite so blind
72. I will take day trips in summer
73. And wrap myself in blankets in winter
74. I no longer require drama, excitement and oblivion
75. To keep me moving
76. I am ok with standing still
78. For the moment at least
79. I am not naive enough to believe things will always feel this way
80. There will be many more mountains before this girl’s journey is over
81. (I can only hope)
82. But I can be happy at least to document
83. 3 months. And 13 days late
84. That today
85. I have arranged the pieces exactly in the places
86. That they need to be
87. Which makes a change that I didn’t always
88. Believe in
89. I am running low on sentences
90. And so I will wrap this up with some words to remember
91. Never stop trying
92. Never stop fighting
93. Never give up
94. Always believe
95. That anything is possible
96. Even when all is lost. Never lose yourself
97. Because in the end
98. Through all the suffering and endless, countless words written on a page
99. it’s all worth it in the end
100. even if the end
101. Only lasts a few moments