You see sometimes life...
Sometimes life, holds us back, but you gotta keep kicking and don't look back. There a song that goes to those words but at this early morning moment, I forget it. I've noticed alot of things lately. That Carl's Jr. and the Burger King companies must be run by either A) Male chauvinistic pigs or B)Gay guys. The king only follows around "hard working males" and Carl's Jr. commercials speak to men only. "Ok guys, its 7am, you're hungry. You could...make scrambled eggs and toast but that is just too much work. Why not try the low carb breakfast bowl at Carl's Jr." Ugh. AND PLUS, their prices are high. From here on out, I will boycott Carl's Jr. and Burger King. So meh!
Tony has been such a heaven sent. I lost my temper at work yesterday because they were trying to dock me a day and half pay. I handle payroll but Justin took it upon himself to do payroll this week and screwed it all up. I told him he should have left it alone since he doesn't understand mine and Loui's system. He kept insisting I had missed all of Wednesday to go to the dentist. I showed him the log sheets where it was clearly my hand writing on them. He then said I missed 6 hours of work on Tuesday. I showed him it was only 4. 2 and half really but because of Doc, it turned into 4. But no no no he knows I was lying about until people came in and vouched for my presence and I dragged him into the back office and showed him security tapes of me being a good girl sitting at my desk. He had no other option but to accept my true word. HA! Bastard. I am now taking payroll home with me so that the dumbass doesn't get it fucked up again.
Anyways, when Justin told me this I lost my temper, yelled at him and called Tony. I had EVERY right to because our finances were going to be screwed up thanks to Justin. I'm freaking out because I'm loosing almost 100 bux in pay here. How am I supposed to pay the phone bill, save for the car, AND pay the rent. For reals ya know? Tony calmed me down said he would send me money if I wanted but I told him no, just save it for the house. The house is the most important thing. The car can wait. When we get the insurance settlement on his truck then we can get the car. I will be fine at work, Jeff has offered to buy my lunch until Loui gets back and I get back the pay I lost. I refuse to let Justin take this business down the drain like Jonathan almost did. He comes in whenever he wants, does whatever he wants. Acts however he wants and gets nothing done. Once Tony get settled and we have a nice nest egg saved up, I think I'm going back to school for radio. Then just follow that. It will tie in nicely to my musician promoting.
Things with....Chris....seem to be doing....ok. I guess you could say. He seldom talks to me but what else is new. He seeks the solutions and is not happy with them when he gets them. I guess he wanted me to tell him he was perfect inside and out. But perfection doesn't exist. I will never be the perfect woman, or the perfect mom, nor will he be the perfect man or perfect dad. Everyone makes mistakes through out life. The real winners of those mistakes are those who learn from them and take what they have learned and don't make those mistakes again. It doesn't take self control to learn. It doesn't take meditation to conquer your problems. All it takes is the driving want to improve yourself. This goes out to all who read this and take pity on themselves on a daily basis. Your want to loose weight should be as strong as your want to eat those nachos or that Snickers. Your want to give up smoking should be as clear and present as your want to play football with the guys with out collapsing from lung failure. Your want to give up drinking should be as strong if not stronger than your want to grab that beer can and pop the top. It should be as strong as your want to see someone grow up or to have someone to grow old with. Bob, my ex co-worker, headed my advice. A now ex drunk, flourishes. He eyes are no longer yellowish, he has a healthy glow to his skin, instead of a palor color of death. He now holds down a steady job and enjoys a cup of coffee or a soda or his favorite, water, instead of a bottle of budweiser. I told him the day we fired him:
"Bob, you are letting this alcohol consumption take over your life. You fall asleep with a beer in your hand and wake up with a new one already at your lips! Don't you want to live past 45??" Bob nodded a drunken nod and sort of cried a bit. He said "I want to see my kids, my ex wife left me because I drank to much. It hurt when she took the kids away so i kept drinking to kill the pain." I put my hands on his frail shoulders and pointed out, "Bob, your want to see those kids, is it stronger than your want for beer?" he nodded. "Bob, then you have a need. You need to see your kids. Your need is stronger than your want. You need to see them grow up and become a productive person in their life. When this sinks into your drunk brain it will make sense. If your want to be with them is stronger than your want to drink a beer, you will drop the beer." And guess what, 2 months later, he is sober and is seeing his kids for the first time in 4 years this Easter Sunday.
I myself am tangoing with the whole want and need situtation. Do I want to loose weight and be healthy or do I want to continue to eat fatty foods and such. Its tough because food has always been my comfort. Tony is out of town and I have been eating so much its crazy. I miss him like hell. But I decided last night while I stared at myself in the mirror, that my want to be healthy is stronger than my want to eat food continuously. Its tough to start but once you do, you get going and it gets easier.
And now, your moment of Zen:
Happy Easter Bob.
I would give my life for you
you mean the world to me
baby baby baby baby babe
you know i love you
and i wanna be together
we can runaway
just me and you
just you and me
will you runaway with me
the day i wrote these words for you i cried
i coulda died that day
a happy and complete man
cuz in the palm of my hands
everything i dreamed of and more
and you know that im down for yours
forever in life
the reason why i made you my wife
is cuz you see me for me the real me
and love me unconditionally
and even with the circumstances that i had
you still gave me a chance
and thats why
i live and breathe for you and the kids
and you give me more than what this
thing could ever give me
And now my life is satisfied and complete
visions coming true yea of me and you
placing rings on each others fingers saying i do
you stuck with me through my thick and my thin
to go back and live life over again
nah, this is my destiny,
it was worth the agony to get the extasy.
we can run away and spend some time
i'll always be the one right by yourside
tell the whole world you belong to me
you are my everything
i wanna run away with you
i never ever met a shorty that was quite like you
and even though it was wrong, i fell in love with you
now we sit here
not really knowing what do
but im sure that you know
id give the world for you
if i could run away with you
i wouldnt even think twice
i promise girl i put it all on the line
i know forever seems to be along
but thats what im seeing when i look into your eyes
and it dont matter what your friends might say
cuz i know deep inside you feel the same way.
you could tell me what you want
but i could read your mind
so quit lying to yourself
and put your hand in mine
i get excited every time you come close
and being right here with you is what i love the most
so any time you're feeling lonely inside
we can runaway and leave this world behind
Waking up in the morning and you're still not there
cant we runaway and escape somewhere
missing your soft touch, your lips next to mine
holding up your hands as you looked in my eyes
what musta happened to the love we both felt insdie
emotions were strong and the feeling was right
now we dont speak anymore
you went your own way
if thats what loves about
then i was misled
go ahead and take your time
if thats what you need
my love for you's forever
my heart for you bleeds
things happen for a reason so i ask myself
should I be strong and wait or move on to someone else
I know you still love i can feel it inside
you always kept it real no games no lies
If you're ever feeling lonely feel the need to get away
call me up I'll be there,
together we'll run away.
Tony has been such a heaven sent. I lost my temper at work yesterday because they were trying to dock me a day and half pay. I handle payroll but Justin took it upon himself to do payroll this week and screwed it all up. I told him he should have left it alone since he doesn't understand mine and Loui's system. He kept insisting I had missed all of Wednesday to go to the dentist. I showed him the log sheets where it was clearly my hand writing on them. He then said I missed 6 hours of work on Tuesday. I showed him it was only 4. 2 and half really but because of Doc, it turned into 4. But no no no he knows I was lying about until people came in and vouched for my presence and I dragged him into the back office and showed him security tapes of me being a good girl sitting at my desk. He had no other option but to accept my true word. HA! Bastard. I am now taking payroll home with me so that the dumbass doesn't get it fucked up again.
Anyways, when Justin told me this I lost my temper, yelled at him and called Tony. I had EVERY right to because our finances were going to be screwed up thanks to Justin. I'm freaking out because I'm loosing almost 100 bux in pay here. How am I supposed to pay the phone bill, save for the car, AND pay the rent. For reals ya know? Tony calmed me down said he would send me money if I wanted but I told him no, just save it for the house. The house is the most important thing. The car can wait. When we get the insurance settlement on his truck then we can get the car. I will be fine at work, Jeff has offered to buy my lunch until Loui gets back and I get back the pay I lost. I refuse to let Justin take this business down the drain like Jonathan almost did. He comes in whenever he wants, does whatever he wants. Acts however he wants and gets nothing done. Once Tony get settled and we have a nice nest egg saved up, I think I'm going back to school for radio. Then just follow that. It will tie in nicely to my musician promoting.
Things with....Chris....seem to be doing....ok. I guess you could say. He seldom talks to me but what else is new. He seeks the solutions and is not happy with them when he gets them. I guess he wanted me to tell him he was perfect inside and out. But perfection doesn't exist. I will never be the perfect woman, or the perfect mom, nor will he be the perfect man or perfect dad. Everyone makes mistakes through out life. The real winners of those mistakes are those who learn from them and take what they have learned and don't make those mistakes again. It doesn't take self control to learn. It doesn't take meditation to conquer your problems. All it takes is the driving want to improve yourself. This goes out to all who read this and take pity on themselves on a daily basis. Your want to loose weight should be as strong as your want to eat those nachos or that Snickers. Your want to give up smoking should be as clear and present as your want to play football with the guys with out collapsing from lung failure. Your want to give up drinking should be as strong if not stronger than your want to grab that beer can and pop the top. It should be as strong as your want to see someone grow up or to have someone to grow old with. Bob, my ex co-worker, headed my advice. A now ex drunk, flourishes. He eyes are no longer yellowish, he has a healthy glow to his skin, instead of a palor color of death. He now holds down a steady job and enjoys a cup of coffee or a soda or his favorite, water, instead of a bottle of budweiser. I told him the day we fired him:
"Bob, you are letting this alcohol consumption take over your life. You fall asleep with a beer in your hand and wake up with a new one already at your lips! Don't you want to live past 45??" Bob nodded a drunken nod and sort of cried a bit. He said "I want to see my kids, my ex wife left me because I drank to much. It hurt when she took the kids away so i kept drinking to kill the pain." I put my hands on his frail shoulders and pointed out, "Bob, your want to see those kids, is it stronger than your want for beer?" he nodded. "Bob, then you have a need. You need to see your kids. Your need is stronger than your want. You need to see them grow up and become a productive person in their life. When this sinks into your drunk brain it will make sense. If your want to be with them is stronger than your want to drink a beer, you will drop the beer." And guess what, 2 months later, he is sober and is seeing his kids for the first time in 4 years this Easter Sunday.
I myself am tangoing with the whole want and need situtation. Do I want to loose weight and be healthy or do I want to continue to eat fatty foods and such. Its tough because food has always been my comfort. Tony is out of town and I have been eating so much its crazy. I miss him like hell. But I decided last night while I stared at myself in the mirror, that my want to be healthy is stronger than my want to eat food continuously. Its tough to start but once you do, you get going and it gets easier.
And now, your moment of Zen:
Happy Easter Bob.
I would give my life for you
you mean the world to me
baby baby baby baby babe
you know i love you
and i wanna be together
we can runaway
just me and you
just you and me
will you runaway with me
the day i wrote these words for you i cried
i coulda died that day
a happy and complete man
cuz in the palm of my hands
everything i dreamed of and more
and you know that im down for yours
forever in life
the reason why i made you my wife
is cuz you see me for me the real me
and love me unconditionally
and even with the circumstances that i had
you still gave me a chance
and thats why
i live and breathe for you and the kids
and you give me more than what this
thing could ever give me
And now my life is satisfied and complete
visions coming true yea of me and you
placing rings on each others fingers saying i do
you stuck with me through my thick and my thin
to go back and live life over again
nah, this is my destiny,
it was worth the agony to get the extasy.
we can run away and spend some time
i'll always be the one right by yourside
tell the whole world you belong to me
you are my everything
i wanna run away with you
i never ever met a shorty that was quite like you
and even though it was wrong, i fell in love with you
now we sit here
not really knowing what do
but im sure that you know
id give the world for you
if i could run away with you
i wouldnt even think twice
i promise girl i put it all on the line
i know forever seems to be along
but thats what im seeing when i look into your eyes
and it dont matter what your friends might say
cuz i know deep inside you feel the same way.
you could tell me what you want
but i could read your mind
so quit lying to yourself
and put your hand in mine
i get excited every time you come close
and being right here with you is what i love the most
so any time you're feeling lonely inside
we can runaway and leave this world behind
Waking up in the morning and you're still not there
cant we runaway and escape somewhere
missing your soft touch, your lips next to mine
holding up your hands as you looked in my eyes
what musta happened to the love we both felt insdie
emotions were strong and the feeling was right
now we dont speak anymore
you went your own way
if thats what loves about
then i was misled
go ahead and take your time
if thats what you need
my love for you's forever
my heart for you bleeds
things happen for a reason so i ask myself
should I be strong and wait or move on to someone else
I know you still love i can feel it inside
you always kept it real no games no lies
If you're ever feeling lonely feel the need to get away
call me up I'll be there,
together we'll run away.