Small Steps...

[da_lilah]

Continued from Here

Finally Wesley came in with me from the roof, the words before we'd fled the rain still ringing in my ears.

"Thank you for coming back Lilah. I can't promise you...anything."Since when had I ever asked him for more than he could offer? I'd known the score, even back then. No promises. Hell, we'd even made a bet over who'd be

Comments

[_wes_pryce_]

Blinking slowly I look down at her hands unbuttoning my shirt. How long have I been wearing that? Taking a deep breath I can actually smell it. Must have been a few days then. As Lilah gets to the third button I bring up my hand and fold it over hers. "I think I remember how to do this, Lilah," I say softly.

Dropping my hands to the side, I glance around the room. All the rooms look alike here. As if nothing has changed. Nothing will change. How very wrong. Make one wrong turn and everything changes. Everything. Your life, your feelings.

Who you are...

"How you doing?"

"Five by five, Faith."

"Just like riding a biker."

"Wesley? Could you have loved me?"

"Why can't I stay?"

"As far as I'm concerned, we're okay now."

"What happened to you man?"

"I got my throat slit and all my friends abandoned me."

"The iron is hot, Wes. You gotta move now."

"You had sex on my desk. Why should I be surprised that there's now a baby on it?"

"Leave them on."

Leaning forward I squeeze my eyes shut and press the flat of my palms against my temples. So many voices, so many things they say. Can't make sense of them. Someone stop them. Someone tell them to be quite. "Shut up," I hiss at them.

[da_lilah]

Things had been going swell until I reached the third button.

"I think I remember how to do this, Lilah," He murmured, stilling my hands with his own fingers. Yet he made no move to carry on what I was doing. Instead he looked around the room as if he saw something I didn't. Then he clutched at his head, as if trying to shut out whatever it was that he could see.

"Shut up."

Or hear. What the hell was he experiencing? I grabbed at his hands and tried to make him look at me.

"What is it, what's wrong. Wesley, talk to me." I hated how panicked I sounded in my voice. But I was scared. I didn't know how to handle this.

[_wes_pryce_]

Her voice, it's her voice. It sounds...different Different. I never heard her like this. Close. I heard her close to this once. Just once? Maybe more, I don't remember. So confusing.

"I left about a hundred messages on your answering machine"

"I'm okay."

"I'm okay." Squinting my eyes, I look up and squeeze her hands. "They just come from time to time." Letting go of her hands I get up and start to pace. Chewing the nail of my thumb I frown and look down at the floor while I walk back and forth. "Talking all they do is talk. Telling me what to do, what not do do, what I am, who I am, who I'm not." I'm babbling, I know I am.

I glance back at Lilah. She tries to hide it but I can tell in her eyes that I'm scaring her again. I have to stop that. Pull yourself together, Pryce! Taking a shuddering breath, I muster up a weak smile. "I'm okay," I echo my earlier words.

"Are you alright?"

"I spend the night at Wolfram and Harts. Which FYI is the best place to the safest place in case of an apocalypse"

"Are you alright?" Sitting back down next to her, I tilt my head and gaze into her eyes. She doesn't look alright.

Damn.

Reaching out I tuck a stand of hair behind her ear. "You should shower. You wouldn't want to catch a pneumonia right after you've been brought back to life." Blinking slowly again I smirk at her. "Are you still willing to make an exception?"

[da_lilah]

"I'm okay. They just come from time to time.". Talking all they do is talk. Telling me what to do, what not do do, what I am, who I am, who I'm not."

I watched him pace, not sure what else to do. Let him talk I guess, ramble on about imaginary voices, imaginary people.

"I'm okay,"

He was trying to reassure me. I nodded, unconvinced, but trying to act like it didn't bother me.

"Are you alright?"

"Peachy keen." I gave him a half smile and a shrug, and pretended I was A-ok. "It's just gonna take me a while to adjust. Been asleep, well dead actually, for so long, I hate being out of the loop, that's all."

"You should shower. You wouldn't want to catch a pneumonia right after you've been brought back to life...Are you still willing to make an exception?"

Every time he touches me, I feel it, an ache deep inside. Not good. I don't want to feel this way again. Lay myself open to the hurt, but what choice do I have?

Was there ever any doubt?

I stood up and moved towards the bathroom, then I paused and looked over my shoulder at him with an answering smile.

"Like you'd ever need to ask that question." I reached behind me and unhooked my bra and then padded inside, turning on the water and testing it.

"Just don't plan on joining me unless you are naked, okay?"

[_wes_pryce_]

She's putting up a show. For me. Who would have ever thought that? Well, she can pretend, I knew that. But that she'd do it for my sake I would have never believed that. At least not the Lilah others know. I know her better though. She once said she knew me better then anyone.

She's right. She saw a side of me not many people have seen. Not many people could handle. For most I was just that shy man, who talked to much and was always in everyone else's shadow. Always hiding. She saw me out of the shadow. She saw me in a dark shadow, yet no longer hiding.

But I saw her in the light. Out of her shadow. It works both ways.

Dragging my eyes up, smirk still in pace I tilt my head an look at her. My eyes are roaming over her body. One I remember well. One I mapped with my hands and mouth. "I don't usually shower with my clothes on, Lilah," I say dryly. At least not as far as I can remember.

unbuttoning my shirt, I slide it off my shoulder, dropping it on the floor. I toe of my one shoe and chuckle as I put it next to hers. Shucking of my trousers, I glance down. Hmm, no boxers, odd. Ah well it's not as if they were really important.

Shrugging I pad into the shower after her and raise an eyebrow at her. "My dear, do you usually shower with your panties on? No matter how sexy they look." Smirking I move up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. "They might get in the way of washing up."

[da_lilah]

"I don't usually shower with my clothes on, Lilah,"

Ah, that dry british wit. It was music to my ears. If he could quip with me then he was not too far gone in the scheme of things.

I was leaning into the shower and testing the temperature of the water when he came up behind me.

"My dear, do you usually shower with your panties on? No matter how sexy they look."

I glanced at him, and he was standing naked before me. It only seemed like a few days ago when he'd been telling me to get out of his life. I tried not to let it show in my face, how much it affected me to see him like this.

Wesley wasn't rejecting me, or pushing me away. In fact he was stepping closer and winding an arm around my middle. I felt my heart leap to my throat again.

"They might get in the way of washing up."

"Then I suppose they'd better go." I responded and bent down to remove them, suddenly feeling nervous as hell.

What was I doing? I had no clue as to whether this would help or hinder Wesley. Maybe I was just being selfish, wanting to have him near, have him remember and grasp after what we'd had. All I knew was that I wanted to feel him touch me again, run his hands over me.

Screw it, I was a selfish bitch. Sometimes I put me first. I guess it was one of those times.

I stepped into the shower, pulling him under the spray of water with me, but I didn't move away, I let our bodies brush against each other as the hot water streamed down on us, and I reached for the soap and handed it to him.

"I'll scrub your back if you scrub mine."

[_wes_pryce_]

I'll scrub your back if you scrub mine. I'll watch your back if you watch mine. Would she? She never warned me about the mind wipe, even while I was trying to save her. Wasn't she allowed to tell by those Senior Partners? The Lilah I know would've found a way. Would it have mattered if she had told me?

I don't know. Too many speculations. She might have told me and then the wipe would have cleared that. But I know she didn't. If she had told me could have made the precautions I did when I found out my mind had been tampered with? Maybe. Maybe not.

I'll Scrub your back and you scrub mine. Watch your back and you watch mine. I've always watched her back. Even after... after...

"Shades of gray."

"What are you doing here?"

"I had someone on the inside."

"I'll always scrub your back, Lilah." I've always watched your back. Tilting my head, I raise my eyebrow and smirk at her. As if washing and watching her back is such a hardship.

Our hands brush together as I take the soap. Reaching around her my body presses against hers as I pick up the sponge. Her body is just as I remember, even if there now is a scar on her neck that's matching mine. One I put there, one I marked her with. Look Mum, matching scars.

Mine

My hand follows the sponge as it glides over her soft body. Soap sliding down in small bubbles, the smell mixing with the intoxicating scent of Lilah. Closing my eyes I take in the familiar scent as it invades my nose. Stepping behind her I let the hot water wash over my back as I wash her, circling my other arm around her waist again.

I can tell she's nervous. Another odd thing I've hardly seen with her. But she's only human. I'm only human. We never really regarded each other as human. Tried to hard not to. Tried so hard to make a big deal out of...this. "You wouldn't know what happened to our dollar bill would you?" I whisper in with a low voice her ear. Even the one visible memory of her was taken away. Moving the sponge to her front I let it slide over her skin while my hand follows.

[da_lilah]

"I'll always scrub your back, Lilah."

Really? Wasn't all that long ago that you were giving me the cold shoulder, Wesley. Stabbing me in the back by going to see her lectures. Telling me that I'd chosen the wrong side, and not to embarrass myself.

Was I still bitter about that? Hell yeah.

But did it really matter anymore? Wesley was here now, with me, and he seemed to want to be here. Small steps.

He leaned past me to get at the sponge, and the simple contact of his body brushing against mine sent a electic thrill coursing through me. Keep it together, Lilah. It's just an innocent mutual showering together. Saving hot water and all.

It didn't feel innocent though. The way his hands were roaming over my skin, lathering me down with the rose scented soap. I held myself still, hardly daring to breathe. I closed my eyes, and bit down on my bottom lip. I wanted to lean back against Wesley, feel the length of his body pressing hard against me. I wanted him to be shoving me against the shower wall and doing things to me that he'd used to do.

Instead I stood quietly and let Wesley wash me, trying not to give in to my impulses, no matter how much I wanted to.

"You wouldn't know what happened to our dollar bill would you?" His breath tickled the side of my neck and I found myself smiling. It gave me a small happy to know that he still thought about it.

"Eve took it, but I have it now. Don't worry, it's safely tucked away in the pocket of the jacket I was wearing, which is in the other room." I reassured him, then I leaned back into him slightly, unable to stop a small gasp when Wesley brought the sponge around to the front, stroking my breasts and belly gently with his soap slicked fingers.

It felt so damn good, but it was torture as well. I didn't know what it meant. Was it just the simple function of cleansing, or something more? Maybe I was over-analyzing everything. I was just so confused as to what to do. Normally one of us would have been pinned to the wall by now. But we weren't those two people anymore.

I waited to see what Wesley would do. Could he tell how much I wanted him? If he looked into my eyes would he see it?

[_wes_pryce_]

This is so different then our usual time in the shower. Either she got her way or I did. It was fast, hard and bruising. It wasn't love, it was a game to get the upper hand. Using each other to hurt and be hurt. Pain in more then just the physical sense.

But not now. We've both changed. Again. How many times are we going to change? How many times are we going to adjust? I'm getting tired of changing, tired of adjusting to every change other people feel the need to make. I'm tired of it all. I wonder if she is too.

What's important is the here and now. Lilah is here. She didn't run. And this time I'm not going to run either. I don't want to run anymore. But I don't know if I can stop.

Wrapping my arm around her waist I pull her closer, rubbing my body against hers. I glance over her shoulder at the sponge in my hand. Useless thing. Shrugging I toss it aside and slide my hand up her soap slicked body. Over her stomach, under the curve of her breast. Cupping one breast I pinch an nipple and smirk at the familiar throaty sound she makes.

Dipping my head I bite down in her neck and turn my head to look at her. She looks back at me, and her eyes tell me something I've not seen before. It almost breaks my heart, yet at the same time it warms me. I can feel something breaking inside of myself as well. Lilah is here, Fred is not. I have to let go, move on. Time to admit, even if only to myself, that I did love Lilah and still do. I want her.

But I hurt her, does she still want me? Only one way to find out I guess.

Sliding the hand on her stomach lower I brush my fingers through her pubic hair, pulling her closer to my body. The hot water is cascading down both our bodies, making her skin shine and glimmer. Licking some drops from her shoulder I suck on the skin. Moving my hand lower between her legs I rub one finger over her pleasure spot, moving it back and forth slowly, pressing down hard enough to tease her.

"Good," I mutter, moving my mouth to the other side of her neck. "That's our dollar bill." I need to ask that bitch later how the hell she gotten her hands on the dollar bill. Thrusting my erection in the cleft of her arse I rub it up and down, stifling a moan in her neck. The hand on her breast moves from one to the other, pinching nipples, massaging the familiar weight in my hand.

[da_lilah]

Wesley slipped his arm around me and pulled me closer, then he tossed away the sponge, and started using his hands on me for real. I felt some of the pent up tension finally leave my body and relaxed into him.

When his supple fingers pinched my nipple I gave a low guttural moan and leaned into his touch. I felt his teeth graze my bare shoulder, and when he lifted his head, I turned to meet his gaze, letting him see how much I wanted him, how much I'd missed him and how much he'd hurt me. It was the most naked I'd been with him in a long time. And I let him see that.

His hand moved lower and I sucked in a breath, tilting my head back when his fingers reached the cleft between my legs and began to rub and caress my clit. Waves of pleasure were spreading up through my body and I gasped, reaching back to grasp his head as he licked and nipped at my shoulder.

"Good. That's our dollar bill."

"Damned right, it is." I whispered back huskily. Then I gasped with surprise when I felt his stiffened cock jutting up against my buttocks, and his hips moved tantalizingly up and down, teasing me there. His hands came up to squeeze and massage my breasts and I let out another moan, my hand reaching out to steady myself on the tiled wall. The hot water was running off of us in steady rivulets but nothing could compare to the heat he was generating within me.

"Oh, god...Wesley."

I pressed back into him, arching my spine and wanting more of him, more of his body. But I wanted to see him too, wanted to see the look in his eyes as he touched me. So I swiveled my body around so that we were face to face, and hip to hip. I looked at Wesley, breathing heavily, drinking in the sight of him, my eyes travelling the length of his body before returning to lock gazes. So much had changed, and yet not. He could still take my breath away with a just a smouldering glance. Then I reached up to twine my fingers in his hair and pull his head down for a searing kiss. I opened my mouth eagerly, wanting to touch tongues, wanting reacquaint myself with the taste of him again.

Mine

[_wes_pryce_]

I looked at her as her eyes traveled over my body until she locked eyes with me. We looked into each others eyes for some time, I've no idea how long really. Our hands still on each others bodies, stroking, caressing. Hot water raining down on us, cleaning us, washing away our past. Touching, roaming over soap slicked, wet skin. Using my blunt nails to scratch over her nipples, cupping her breast I squeeze them before my hands travel further down. I dip one between her legs again, the other one landing on her arse.

As she pulls me down for a kiss, I move down willingly. Licking over her bottom lip I pushed my tongue into that eager, welcoming mouth. Our tongues battling for dominance, an old, familiar dance. One neither of us ever wins as they slide over each other, over teeth and palate. Tasting, exploring, reacquainting. My hand is tangled in her hair as I pull her head back a to deepen the kiss. Wanting more, wanting to taste more. Wanting her.

My other hand wanders down her back ending up on her arse to pull her closer. My cock rubbing over her clit slowly, teasingly. Eager to enter her wet and waiting body. Torture for us both. Our groans are stifled by our mouths moving over each other. Pulling back I pant hard and suck her bottom lip into my mouth. I open my eyes as I nibble on it and look into hers.

"I thought you didn't believe in God," I mutter moving my mouth down. I can't seem to help myself when I'm with her. I need to taste her everywhere. Dipping my head I close my lips around one nipple while my hands moves down her back. Biting down I pull back and lap at it soothingly with my tongue. Sucking and kissing until it are hard as pebble. As I move onto the next one I pause with my lips on her breast as a loud clunking sound suddenly echoes through the bathroom.

Annoyed, I glance up at the shower and notice the water has stopped running. Stupid old hotel and its even more idiotic pipe system. "Bugger this," I growl, straightening up. Putting my hands under her legs I lift her up in my arms and smirk down at her. "Lets move this to a more...comfortable place shall we?" Not bothering with any towels, I don't even know if there are any, I pad quickly back into the bedroom and drop her on the soft bed. She lets out a small yelp as she bounces up and I can't help but let out a small gasp at the sight of her body. Narrowing my eyes, I crawl after her and lower my body on top of her, capturing her mouth for another kiss.

[da_lilah]

Our mouths clashed together, lips and tongues connecting in a way that left us both gasping for breath. Wesley's hand was buried in my hair and I felt him gently tug my head back, the kiss becoming more insistent, more urgent. I surrendered my mouth to him, letting him plunder it as deeply as he wanted.

A muffled groan escaped my lips as his other hand grabbed my ass and pulled me closer to him, his cock sliding between my thighs and back and forth against my clit. The sound of Wesley's own stifled moans of pleasure as he deliberately teased both of our bodies, almost pushed me over the edge right then and there.

Then he finally broke the kiss and enjoyed my bottom lip for while, his heated gaze meeting mine for a moment.

"I thought you didn't believe in God,"

I chuckled at that, trust Wesley to come up with the perfect droll comment. I was about to reply with an equally witty retort when the bastard cheated by bending down and taking one of my nipples into his mouth, biting down hard enough to make me inhale sharply in shock at the intense combination of both pain and pleasure that it evoked. My fingers dug into his tousled hair as his tongue gently lapped at tender area, soothing and teasing at it until I felt an aching tingle all the way down to my groin. It was a wonderful torture that never wanted to end. He'd just started on my other breast when all hell broke loose and we were suddenly without hot water, or water, period.

"Bugger this.Lets move this to a more...comfortable place shall we?"

The next thing I knew, Wesley had me scooped up in his arms and was tossing me on the bed. I gave an involuntary yelp at the suddenness of it all, and then grinned at the smouldering way he was looking down at me, at my nakedness, my limbs all askew from his dumping me on the bedspread. Then he was crawling towards me, and I felt a flutter of anticipation in my stomach. How long had it been since we'd had this little dance?

So often it had been more of a wrestle, a contest to see who would end up on top, dominant. But now all I could do was watch him come closer and feeling the pounding in my heart. I was alive, again. And we were together, again. I didn't know how long it would last. But I wanted it. So badly that I could hardly breathe, as I waited for him to come and claim me.

I sighed and fell back onto the sheets, my thighs parting and welcoming him as the length of his beautiful lean body lowered onto me and his mouth covered mine. I brought my hands up to caress Wesley's smooth bare back, marveling at the reality of his being here, his weight pressing down on me, and his hips grinding into me in a way that made me all to aware of how aroused he was.

"I kinda like the idea of God being in me. I'm sure you can help me with that." I whispered huskily to him when he pulled back to catch a breath.

[_wes_pryce_]

Panting for air, I blink at her. There's a small scowl on my face as I shake my head. "I think..." I start, bending down to nip at her throat, "...that you've your lover's mixed up, my dear." Slithering down her body, I run the flat of my tongue over her collar bone, moving further down to suck a nipple in to my mouth. Swirling my tongue around it, sucking hard. "I'm just Wesley," I mutter, cupping her breasts.

Squeezing them, I rub my thumbs over hardening nipples as my mouth moves further down. Dipping my tongue into her navel I take a bit of skin between my teeth, biting down on it. Pulling back I smile down at the mark, blowing some air over it. I watch as goosebumps form on her skin as she shudders. My hands are still on her breasts, massaging, rubbing, squeezing. I love feeling the familiar weight in my hands again.

Settling between her legs, I lick over her pleasure spot, smirking at the sounds she's making. Scraping my teeth over her clit, I pinch her nipples hard. My cock is throbbing painfully between my legs. Rubbing it against the sheets, I moan against the sensitive skin between her legs. Latching on I suck on it hollowing my cheeks, lapping at it with my tongue until she bucks her hips up.

Moving one hand I thrust a finger inside of her, nudging the tip against that spot inside that makes whimper so delightful. She's wet and ready for me. Eager for more. I thrust my finger in and out a few times, trailing my tongue over her clit. Her hand is gripping my hair tight, almost painfully.

Pulling my finger out, I put it in my mouth, sucking on it, savoring the taste of her well known juices on my tongue with a groan. Grabbing the hand tangled in my hair, I move back up her body again. Nipping, licking, sucking at any sensitive patch of her body I can find.

Lowering myself ontop of her, I look into her eyes. Capturing her mouth for another kiss I let her taste herself. My hands trail down her arms, lacing our fingers together. I move them up and pin them down above her head as my tongue plunders her mouth. Pulling back I lick my lips slowly, looking into her eyes again. I put her wrists in one hand and move the other one down to grip my cock.

I let my head fall back for a moment as I swipe my thumb over the head, spreading the pre-come. With my knees I nudge her legs further apart as I position myself against her entrance. Growling, I glide inside her in one smooth thrust, my hand cupping her breast. Squeezing it, rubbing my thumb over the nipple.

I drop my head on her shoulder, splaying the hand on a breast. My other hand tightening on her wrists. Groaning when I'm buried balls deep inside of, feeling her clenching around me I lift my head. Slowly I start to rock my hips back and forth, stepping up the pace as she pushes back against me. "I've missed you," I whisper against her lips. I've missed this. Her. Myself. Everything.

[da_lilah]

"I think...that you've your lover's mixed up, my dear. I'm just Wesley,"

He was just Wesley? If he only knew the power he could hold over me if he wanted. Good thing he didn't know. It was bad enough that Eve had managed to push the right buttons, exploiting how I felt about him to the hilt until I'd caved. Wesley was my Achilles heel. I knew it, and I wondered who else knew it.

God, Wesley was sucking at my nipple again, I arched my back, pressing my breast into his lips. Then he was moving down my body, lips and teeth grazing over my belly, making me shiver when his breath tickled over the sensitive skin.

Then I gasped and tried not to jerk my hips too suddenly when I felt his tongue contact my clit, his fingers squeezing my nipples at the same time. I whimpered and clutched at the sheets while his tongue worked on me, sending jolts of intense pleasure through my entire body. He was driving me crazy, the feather-light strokes of his tongue lapping at that sweet spot between my legs. I could feel myself becoming more and more aroused, my sighs and moans increasing in volume.

Then he thrust a finger into me and I gasped at the wonderful friction of feeling him slide inside. I grabbed at the back of his head, unconsciously digging my fingers into his scalp, as I bucked and rolled my hips to the rhythm of Wesley's fingers thrusting in and out of me, and his relentless tongue probing at my hot core.

When Wesley withdrew his finger, he brought it to his mouth and I watched, fascinated as he deliberately tasted of me, before he changed position, kissing and licking and biting at various parts of my body.

I loved the feel of his mouth bearing down on me, giving me the taste of my own juices as his tongue darted in to meet my own. Then Wesely was pinning my arms above me, and I felt a new thrill, the thought of surrendering, letting him take what he wanted, was overpowering. Give over control? How often did I do that?

Wesley pulled back and gazed down at me, I looked back at him, my swollen lips parted and aching for him to kiss me again. My whole body wanted him to possess me like he never had before. His knees forced my thighs further apart and I shuddered when I felt his shaft finally penetrate my moist hot centre.

Mine

Wesley was mine, surrounded and engulfed in me. I squeezed down hard on my inner muscles, creating even more of a delightful friction. I wanted to feel every part of him as he plunged into my body. I stifled a cry as he thrust deeper into me, biting down hard on my lip and moving my hips to meet his.

"I've missed you," He murmured, his sharp shallow breaths mingling with mine.

"And then some." I managed to whisper back, enjoying the way his hand still kept my wrists captured, and pinned above us.

The sensation of Wesley's cock entering me was incredible. It evoked memories of other times we'd connected like this, and yet, it was different. Both sadder and sweeter at the same time. I matched his rhythm, my breath coming out in short sharp gasps as I pushed into him, revelling in the way his hips slammed into me, and his lustful gaze pierced into my soul.

If I died again, this would be the moment I chose for it to happen. Looking up at Wesley, unable to speak or utter a single coherent word as he laid claim to what had been his all along, if he'd only thought to claim it.