(no subject)
title: untitled (and will remain so until i find a suitable one)
pairing: kyuhae
genre: angst with a bit of fluff (it sounds like i'm describing the weather)
author's note: no quotation marks, all in lower case.
it's a bit blek, but i've been working on it for a while and wanted to post it, so there.
and it's not fully edited yet, so forgive the bad grammar and change of tense.
summary: kyuhyun's broken and donghae fixes him
disclaimer: DO NOT OWN.
you're broken and you are the only one who knows. you're putting on a smile, for the world to see. and your hyungs smile back, glad to see that you're moving on. only you're not. you're not fully there (no not insane, but sort of comatosed. zombie-like).
you go through your actions mechanically; copying the dance movements, mimicking the pronounciation, wearing the poorly chosen outfits. you've lost your passion for singing, but you don't remember when.
and it goes on like this for months, until ryeowook says something. only he doesn't say it to your face, he waits until he thinks he's alone and talks to the band umma (over the phone). i don't think kyu's really alright hyung, i don't think he's over it. and you feel like storming into the room and grabbing the "eternal magnae" by the shoulders and shaking him. but instead you head back to your room and bury yourself under the blankets, and refuse to come out for dinner.
it's 3:16 and you wonder why you've woken up. then something cold pokes at your face again (a finger?). hyung? you say (because everyone else in the dorm is older than you anyway, other than henry. but he knows better than to bother you when you're sleeping). then something tickles your nose. donghae hyung? it had to be him. only his hair smelled like the ocean (seriously, not joking). he was snuggling against your chest, and it was only when you felt wetness seeping through your shirt (it was the shirt from the latest performance, you had forgotten to change. again.) that you realized that donghae was crying.
hyung, what's wrong? you ask (because it doesn't take much to make donghae cry, but this was different, you could tell). he looks up at you and his eyes are bloodshot. kyu, i'm sad. (no shit sherlock, you felt like saying, except now was not the time. it was never the time to say something like that to donghae). why are you sad hyung? and you expect something like i miss hyukkie or i really want to go home, but what you get instead is, because you're broken. and donghae dissolves into tears again.
for the first time since you were in the hospital, you felt tears forming in your eyes. this was after all, the first time you had seen anyone cry for you since then. his cold fingers wiped at your face, and you realize that he can see you crying. you try to pull away, ashamed. you made him cry. you're supposed to be strong, put up a good front, and you failed.
that's when donghae pulls you even closer, holding you as if he was trying to protect you. it's alright kyuhyunnie, it's okay to cry. and his hands are running down your back and running through your hair, giving you comfort.
you don't remember falling asleep, but when you wake up you find yourself inhaling donghae's shirt, and his arms haven't left their place around your waist. you try to leave his embrace (the restroom was calling) but his arms tighten and he wakes up. despite the redness in his eyes and the dried tear stains on his cheeks, you don't think you've ever seen him more beautiful than he was at that moment. feeling better kyuhyunnie? he asks, smiling brightly. i'd feel better if you'd let me go to the bathroom hyung. his smile falls a bit (and you feel his arms loosen around you) but you're glad to see it return after you flash him a grin.
after relieving yourself, you're doing your daily routine. wash hands, wash face, brush teeth, make your hair look presentable. except halfway through you actually look at yourself. it's like a skeleton, an empty shell of your former self, is staring back at you. grimacing a bit, you finish as quickly as possible. maybe today would be different.
you expect donghae to be gone when you get back into the room, but he's still in your bed. maybe he fell asleep (again?) but he shifts a bit, and you see he is just waiting for you. hyung--- you start to say. get back into bed kyuhyun, it's cold he interrupts. you do as he says, and soon you are back in a warm cocoon that is purely donghae. it's silent for a few minutes, except for the sound of your breathing. you don't have to do everything alone kyuhyun. his voice was barely above a whisper, and you're not quite sure if he's said anything at all. you don't have to pretend when you're with us. you don't have to be strong all the time. and you feel tears welling up in the corners of your eyes, but you blink them back. he lets you think for a bit before...kyuhyun i can't breath, and you realize that you've been squeezing him. sorry hyung, you say. it's okay, at least i know that you're not just skin and bones. and for the first time in a long time, you laugh. it's not as full bodied as it used to be (and it sounded a bit rough) but it was a start.
end.
start: 081112
end: 081219
pairing: kyuhae
genre: angst with a bit of fluff (it sounds like i'm describing the weather)
author's note: no quotation marks, all in lower case.
it's a bit blek, but i've been working on it for a while and wanted to post it, so there.
and it's not fully edited yet, so forgive the bad grammar and change of tense.
summary: kyuhyun's broken and donghae fixes him
disclaimer: DO NOT OWN.
you're broken and you are the only one who knows. you're putting on a smile, for the world to see. and your hyungs smile back, glad to see that you're moving on. only you're not. you're not fully there (no not insane, but sort of comatosed. zombie-like).
you go through your actions mechanically; copying the dance movements, mimicking the pronounciation, wearing the poorly chosen outfits. you've lost your passion for singing, but you don't remember when.
and it goes on like this for months, until ryeowook says something. only he doesn't say it to your face, he waits until he thinks he's alone and talks to the band umma (over the phone). i don't think kyu's really alright hyung, i don't think he's over it. and you feel like storming into the room and grabbing the "eternal magnae" by the shoulders and shaking him. but instead you head back to your room and bury yourself under the blankets, and refuse to come out for dinner.
it's 3:16 and you wonder why you've woken up. then something cold pokes at your face again (a finger?). hyung? you say (because everyone else in the dorm is older than you anyway, other than henry. but he knows better than to bother you when you're sleeping). then something tickles your nose. donghae hyung? it had to be him. only his hair smelled like the ocean (seriously, not joking). he was snuggling against your chest, and it was only when you felt wetness seeping through your shirt (it was the shirt from the latest performance, you had forgotten to change. again.) that you realized that donghae was crying.
hyung, what's wrong? you ask (because it doesn't take much to make donghae cry, but this was different, you could tell). he looks up at you and his eyes are bloodshot. kyu, i'm sad. (no shit sherlock, you felt like saying, except now was not the time. it was never the time to say something like that to donghae). why are you sad hyung? and you expect something like i miss hyukkie or i really want to go home, but what you get instead is, because you're broken. and donghae dissolves into tears again.
for the first time since you were in the hospital, you felt tears forming in your eyes. this was after all, the first time you had seen anyone cry for you since then. his cold fingers wiped at your face, and you realize that he can see you crying. you try to pull away, ashamed. you made him cry. you're supposed to be strong, put up a good front, and you failed.
that's when donghae pulls you even closer, holding you as if he was trying to protect you. it's alright kyuhyunnie, it's okay to cry. and his hands are running down your back and running through your hair, giving you comfort.
you don't remember falling asleep, but when you wake up you find yourself inhaling donghae's shirt, and his arms haven't left their place around your waist. you try to leave his embrace (the restroom was calling) but his arms tighten and he wakes up. despite the redness in his eyes and the dried tear stains on his cheeks, you don't think you've ever seen him more beautiful than he was at that moment. feeling better kyuhyunnie? he asks, smiling brightly. i'd feel better if you'd let me go to the bathroom hyung. his smile falls a bit (and you feel his arms loosen around you) but you're glad to see it return after you flash him a grin.
after relieving yourself, you're doing your daily routine. wash hands, wash face, brush teeth, make your hair look presentable. except halfway through you actually look at yourself. it's like a skeleton, an empty shell of your former self, is staring back at you. grimacing a bit, you finish as quickly as possible. maybe today would be different.
you expect donghae to be gone when you get back into the room, but he's still in your bed. maybe he fell asleep (again?) but he shifts a bit, and you see he is just waiting for you. hyung--- you start to say. get back into bed kyuhyun, it's cold he interrupts. you do as he says, and soon you are back in a warm cocoon that is purely donghae. it's silent for a few minutes, except for the sound of your breathing. you don't have to do everything alone kyuhyun. his voice was barely above a whisper, and you're not quite sure if he's said anything at all. you don't have to pretend when you're with us. you don't have to be strong all the time. and you feel tears welling up in the corners of your eyes, but you blink them back. he lets you think for a bit before...kyuhyun i can't breath, and you realize that you've been squeezing him. sorry hyung, you say. it's okay, at least i know that you're not just skin and bones. and for the first time in a long time, you laugh. it's not as full bodied as it used to be (and it sounded a bit rough) but it was a start.
end.
start: 081112
end: 081219