I'm losing it
I ate yesterday AND today. Disgusting. It wasn't even healthy. Cookies and chips and such. GGOOOOOODDDDDDDD
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's like I can look at myself in the mirror and watch myself getting more and more disgusting. It makes me want to slice open my body and dig out the fat and then slowly die. At least I would die skin and bones.
Tomorrow is Thursday. A New Day. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. That's all I'll fast, I swear...
I've lost 14 pounds since April started. (135 to 121) Except, now I'm probably 125 or 126. I ate all the cookies. Now I won't be tempted to eat them since they won't be there to eat. I'm going to make up an excuse not to have sex with BeAu tomorrow. I'll say I'm on my period. He can't see my body like this. I'm ashamed and disgusted with myself. This self-abuse is fulfilling.
When Monday rolls around I better be less than 120. If not, all Hell will break loose.
I want to go puke right now but I know it would hurt me so bad. And plus, I feel like I should punish myself and let myself stay gross and fat tonight because it's MY FAULT I ate. It's bagels. Bagels are the epitome of impossible to throw up.
My stomach hurts so bad right now. After not eating anything at all for so long and then stuffing my face, it just HURTS. Ya know?
Fuck me in the ass.
I'm such a moron.
I deserve pain and torment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's like I can look at myself in the mirror and watch myself getting more and more disgusting. It makes me want to slice open my body and dig out the fat and then slowly die. At least I would die skin and bones.
Tomorrow is Thursday. A New Day. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. That's all I'll fast, I swear...
I've lost 14 pounds since April started. (135 to 121) Except, now I'm probably 125 or 126. I ate all the cookies. Now I won't be tempted to eat them since they won't be there to eat. I'm going to make up an excuse not to have sex with BeAu tomorrow. I'll say I'm on my period. He can't see my body like this. I'm ashamed and disgusted with myself. This self-abuse is fulfilling.
When Monday rolls around I better be less than 120. If not, all Hell will break loose.
I want to go puke right now but I know it would hurt me so bad. And plus, I feel like I should punish myself and let myself stay gross and fat tonight because it's MY FAULT I ate. It's bagels. Bagels are the epitome of impossible to throw up.
My stomach hurts so bad right now. After not eating anything at all for so long and then stuffing my face, it just HURTS. Ya know?
Fuck me in the ass.
I'm such a moron.
I deserve pain and torment.