Still alive.... I guess...
What is the best way for me to put things in order? I have no idea, and all my time here seems run together. It still feels like we just got here yesterday. I am amazed by the mountains and I still don't believe they are real even though I have collected rocks from them. I have played in the snow, and have gotten stuck in it. I think I am littler terrified of it. However when Trav & I see it actually snowing we are amazed by how cool it looks. We not really freezing here either. It's DRY, VERY DRY. So I am not used to not have humidity, and how the summers aren't really hot and you can do okay by just having a fan.
I do feel homesick. However it's not homesick of the present life in Sarasota it's the 10-15 years ago homesick. I try to think of my Mother when I loved hanging out with her. When she was known as the "cool mom" and my friends liked her. When I wouldn't mind spending time with her. (Now, she can barely remember me and I usually can't stand to be in a room with her for more than 5 minutes before I want to kill myself or her.) I miss having the beach next door, and even though I was scared of thunder and lightening. I miss the sound of it, and the rain that I would lay in on the driveway. I miss knowing where all the good places to go and eat were and sometimes the vareity of people. I miss my church down there. I miss when Travis and I could go out in the middle of the night and get something to eat. It is some thing that we did the first day we met and we loved doing it often, after fights, celebrations, or stressful times.
I am afraid of never seeing my Mom again. That when something happens I won't know about it or be able to do anything. I am afraid I will never like the church here and will go back to doing drugs and drinking because I don't care anymore. The drinking has already started by a little, and I have been eager to get ahold of some cigs and a nice bowl of weed. I guess good thing I am in an area where that is hard to obtain and since I don't know anyone well enough it's hard to trust that it won't be loaded with junk.
The people here are majority white and what's sad is they all look the same and all act the same. I get my hopes up when someone saids they are not mormon, inactive, or are not from here. Appearently we moved to one of the cultest towns even in utah. Where the return missionaries can't stand the mormons here due to how they are. They don't own tv's, they pop kids as soon as one comes out or on their honeymoon, they read books sometimes but it's only in scripture. We can't even talk about seeing Harry potter with them because that is a bad movie. Everything we do and because we own a 42" inch tv we are known more of as sinners. The worst sin we have committed though is not having children. In our ward we are 1 out of 2 couples who don't have kids. Everyone gets married at 18 and pops them out after 9 months of marriage claiming it was an "accident". We are told by people that they have nothing in common with us because we don't have kids. Or they don't have time to make friends. Yet,we see them outside with friends all the time but those friends have kids. We went to church the first 2 months here, but after that we couldn't stop crying, getting upset, or having panic attacks about not being like them. Were not from a rich family. We can't have children at this time, and we don't know enough about the church compared to others. Also, were not from Utah so a lot of people won't associate with Outsiders. However, the best thing and kinda insane they are over obsessed ith the church and can only talk about church related things. They do contact us almsot every day, but it has to do with their calling. I have tried talking to them normally and they don't respond. I have tried Visiting Teaching and I could tell I am not wanted there. The same happens with Travis. It has gotten to the point where have told them were moving out of these apartment because we feel like were getting harassed. That we don't want contact anymore with the ward. They seemed to still bother us, and it may be worse now.
We can't wait to get a car. We rented a car about a month ago because I had to have an emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder. (It was my first surgery.) So, for me to walk around we rented the car. We started to like Utah more when we had that car. It was the first time we said we like the place. The good thing is we can pay rent, and have money left over even if 1 person is working. Right now were both working at the same place and we really like our job. It pays $9.25 a hour and that is good for this area. I think were getting comfortable with our marriage, and not being broke is a nice release. However, we still feel frustrated because we haven't seen much since we gotten here and it's annoying. We still want to see Salt Lake City and there are a few areas where we want to check out and possibly move there.
We are both afraid of going to school but eager to see how it goes. We have decided that if don;'t do well in school that we will just stick with our jobs and go from there. By the way we got some baby ferrets! Two girls and they are insane and awesome! Well not much to post. We doing okay in financial and our marriage which is what we needed. Our stress is down by a lot and we have a home for once. However, were just lonely, bored, and wanting to find our place to fit in.
I do feel homesick. However it's not homesick of the present life in Sarasota it's the 10-15 years ago homesick. I try to think of my Mother when I loved hanging out with her. When she was known as the "cool mom" and my friends liked her. When I wouldn't mind spending time with her. (Now, she can barely remember me and I usually can't stand to be in a room with her for more than 5 minutes before I want to kill myself or her.) I miss having the beach next door, and even though I was scared of thunder and lightening. I miss the sound of it, and the rain that I would lay in on the driveway. I miss knowing where all the good places to go and eat were and sometimes the vareity of people. I miss my church down there. I miss when Travis and I could go out in the middle of the night and get something to eat. It is some thing that we did the first day we met and we loved doing it often, after fights, celebrations, or stressful times.
I am afraid of never seeing my Mom again. That when something happens I won't know about it or be able to do anything. I am afraid I will never like the church here and will go back to doing drugs and drinking because I don't care anymore. The drinking has already started by a little, and I have been eager to get ahold of some cigs and a nice bowl of weed. I guess good thing I am in an area where that is hard to obtain and since I don't know anyone well enough it's hard to trust that it won't be loaded with junk.
The people here are majority white and what's sad is they all look the same and all act the same. I get my hopes up when someone saids they are not mormon, inactive, or are not from here. Appearently we moved to one of the cultest towns even in utah. Where the return missionaries can't stand the mormons here due to how they are. They don't own tv's, they pop kids as soon as one comes out or on their honeymoon, they read books sometimes but it's only in scripture. We can't even talk about seeing Harry potter with them because that is a bad movie. Everything we do and because we own a 42" inch tv we are known more of as sinners. The worst sin we have committed though is not having children. In our ward we are 1 out of 2 couples who don't have kids. Everyone gets married at 18 and pops them out after 9 months of marriage claiming it was an "accident". We are told by people that they have nothing in common with us because we don't have kids. Or they don't have time to make friends. Yet,we see them outside with friends all the time but those friends have kids. We went to church the first 2 months here, but after that we couldn't stop crying, getting upset, or having panic attacks about not being like them. Were not from a rich family. We can't have children at this time, and we don't know enough about the church compared to others. Also, were not from Utah so a lot of people won't associate with Outsiders. However, the best thing and kinda insane they are over obsessed ith the church and can only talk about church related things. They do contact us almsot every day, but it has to do with their calling. I have tried talking to them normally and they don't respond. I have tried Visiting Teaching and I could tell I am not wanted there. The same happens with Travis. It has gotten to the point where have told them were moving out of these apartment because we feel like were getting harassed. That we don't want contact anymore with the ward. They seemed to still bother us, and it may be worse now.
We can't wait to get a car. We rented a car about a month ago because I had to have an emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder. (It was my first surgery.) So, for me to walk around we rented the car. We started to like Utah more when we had that car. It was the first time we said we like the place. The good thing is we can pay rent, and have money left over even if 1 person is working. Right now were both working at the same place and we really like our job. It pays $9.25 a hour and that is good for this area. I think were getting comfortable with our marriage, and not being broke is a nice release. However, we still feel frustrated because we haven't seen much since we gotten here and it's annoying. We still want to see Salt Lake City and there are a few areas where we want to check out and possibly move there.
We are both afraid of going to school but eager to see how it goes. We have decided that if don;'t do well in school that we will just stick with our jobs and go from there. By the way we got some baby ferrets! Two girls and they are insane and awesome! Well not much to post. We doing okay in financial and our marriage which is what we needed. Our stress is down by a lot and we have a home for once. However, were just lonely, bored, and wanting to find our place to fit in.