bored
im so bored of my life. i think im physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. it's only been 3 wks into school and already i'm tired of being on top of things, of reaching out to people, of trying to create something. life is so much easier when you just sit back and chill out. im at the point when studying is the highlight of my life. at least im working towards a goal (and of course learning is fun). i think im at a scary place cuz i feel like i would be willing to settle for anything that would bring me out of my state of solitude. but i promised myself i would never settle for less, never, and this applies to anything not just boys fyi. let's hope i keep my promise.
but even though i would like to go back to my passive, laid back self, i can't quite do that. it's not who i am anymore. i've adjusted to this fast-paced, aggressive lifestyle. and i guess my exhaustion is coming from the basic human need of encouragement and love. im not saying that i don't get that, but you need ppl to genuinely care abt you. anyways, whenever another day comes around, im all ready to go again. it is true that you can keep going long after you think you can't. God never gives us more than we can handle.
i strongly dislike aimlessness. it's terrible. have you ever felt so bored out of your mind that it feels like you're suffering? that's what being aimless is like to me. it's incredible pain. yet right now, i think i am aimless. indirectly though, cuz i make myself busy and i pretend like i know what im doing when really i am quite lost. but it's ok.
the weather was breathtaking today, perfect californian weather. even when things may seem difficult and desperate, there's always a sliver of hope that keeps me going.
but even though i would like to go back to my passive, laid back self, i can't quite do that. it's not who i am anymore. i've adjusted to this fast-paced, aggressive lifestyle. and i guess my exhaustion is coming from the basic human need of encouragement and love. im not saying that i don't get that, but you need ppl to genuinely care abt you. anyways, whenever another day comes around, im all ready to go again. it is true that you can keep going long after you think you can't. God never gives us more than we can handle.
i strongly dislike aimlessness. it's terrible. have you ever felt so bored out of your mind that it feels like you're suffering? that's what being aimless is like to me. it's incredible pain. yet right now, i think i am aimless. indirectly though, cuz i make myself busy and i pretend like i know what im doing when really i am quite lost. but it's ok.
the weather was breathtaking today, perfect californian weather. even when things may seem difficult and desperate, there's always a sliver of hope that keeps me going.