Always Losing
Losing two family members in a week is truly starting to take an effect on me. Even though I didn't know either of them all that well, it's hard to know that my mom and rest of my family back home is suffering as much as they are. I feel bad that theres not a damn thing that I can do to ease any of their pain from halfway across the country. It certainly isn't helping me deal with the rest of the not so important bull shit going on in my life but what else can I do? There's nothing I can do to console myself, nothing I can do to help my mom. I clam up and continue to stop trying to think about it but what does it do? It makes me quiet, it pushes me further and further into myself, away from those who wish to help me--to make me deal with what my life is quickly becoming. One full of death and despair which I have absolutely no control over. How am I supposed to pull myself out of this slump when it seems that the universe is working against me. There is nothing, seemingly, that I can do. I must keep trying, keep pushing, to make it all come together. To make my life into some semblance of normal. If that's even possible anymore...