Post From Xanga: This I Not A Rant
It's more like a whinefest/update on what's going on in my head right now.
I am probably pathetic because Xanga is my socialization source other than tumblr and facebook. I only leave my house when my parents take me somewhere or I go for a walk or to the library. I feel like a shut in. I've actually been a shut in before mind you, for 2-3 years.
I try really hard to befriend people on Xanga and I'm trying to create a kind of support system, I guess maybe that's a bad idea. I find people that i think are interesting or we have the same views or whatever, and I sub and leave comment after comment. They rarely reply, they don't read my posts. It shouldn't hurt me this much but it does. It's a constant wave of rejection when I come on Xanga.
I try to be likable and I try to show everyone my best traits, and I try to be real and honest about my flaws.
I don't have constant friends. I don't even have many real life friends, there's very few people I can call and trust me the 1st 2 people on my list to call if something is wrong are not people from the real world they're friends I've made online.
What is so wrong with me that people can't take 2 seconds out of their day to reply to a comment? Even if it's just a smiley face.
The only reason I stay on Xanga is because of my 3-4 constant readers/commenters.
I am also probably crying because I haven't slept in 3 days my throat (not nose) is congested and I don't have the proper meds for it so I wake up several times a night because I can't breathe.
One of my good friends that I try to talk to every night has been very stressed and in pain from an old injury and we don't get to talk much at all.
"K" and I are at a loss on where to go in our relationship. We're in limbo is it's not healthy. I get have bad thoughts because of this pain I'm bearing. I'm trying to read this book called "Women Who Love Too Much". In one sentence it's about women who are neglected and abandoned in childhood and make up for it in overnurturing other people who are "broken" and need to be "fixed". However we're broken ourselves.
I constantly refer to myself as a rag doll and until I started reading this book I didn't realize how accurate it was.
I am going through constant rejection in my personal life and on Xanga.
So onto happy thoughts, I will not be around for quite a few days because I'm visiting my cousin I don't know if I'll be only or not. I will take lots of pictures, let me know if you're interested in seeing them. My cousin has 4 kids by the way, and hopefully we're going to a craft fair :D YAY.
Also since my account is locked do you think it's okay for me to talk about my emotions and my army stuff on here? I've been debating how to go about this...
I am probably pathetic because Xanga is my socialization source other than tumblr and facebook. I only leave my house when my parents take me somewhere or I go for a walk or to the library. I feel like a shut in. I've actually been a shut in before mind you, for 2-3 years.
I try really hard to befriend people on Xanga and I'm trying to create a kind of support system, I guess maybe that's a bad idea. I find people that i think are interesting or we have the same views or whatever, and I sub and leave comment after comment. They rarely reply, they don't read my posts. It shouldn't hurt me this much but it does. It's a constant wave of rejection when I come on Xanga.
I try to be likable and I try to show everyone my best traits, and I try to be real and honest about my flaws.
I don't have constant friends. I don't even have many real life friends, there's very few people I can call and trust me the 1st 2 people on my list to call if something is wrong are not people from the real world they're friends I've made online.
What is so wrong with me that people can't take 2 seconds out of their day to reply to a comment? Even if it's just a smiley face.
The only reason I stay on Xanga is because of my 3-4 constant readers/commenters.
I am also probably crying because I haven't slept in 3 days my throat (not nose) is congested and I don't have the proper meds for it so I wake up several times a night because I can't breathe.
One of my good friends that I try to talk to every night has been very stressed and in pain from an old injury and we don't get to talk much at all.
"K" and I are at a loss on where to go in our relationship. We're in limbo is it's not healthy. I get have bad thoughts because of this pain I'm bearing. I'm trying to read this book called "Women Who Love Too Much". In one sentence it's about women who are neglected and abandoned in childhood and make up for it in overnurturing other people who are "broken" and need to be "fixed". However we're broken ourselves.
I constantly refer to myself as a rag doll and until I started reading this book I didn't realize how accurate it was.
I am going through constant rejection in my personal life and on Xanga.
So onto happy thoughts, I will not be around for quite a few days because I'm visiting my cousin I don't know if I'll be only or not. I will take lots of pictures, let me know if you're interested in seeing them. My cousin has 4 kids by the way, and hopefully we're going to a craft fair :D YAY.
Also since my account is locked do you think it's okay for me to talk about my emotions and my army stuff on here? I've been debating how to go about this...