FIC: Autumn Term at Slayer Academy 9/12 Buffy/Faith NC-17
Title: Autumn Term at Slayer Academy 9/12
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Buffy/Faith
Timeline: 8 years post Chosen
Summary: Buffy talks about the Slayer Academy and what they’re all up to now. Some of this is light and fun, some of it is rather angsty (and possibly triggering) and of course Buffy and Faith get it on.
Feedback: I would love as much and as detailed feedback and constructive criticism as you want to give. Thank you to everyone who's given feedback so far. It is much appreciated.
Distribution: That would be great, but please ask first.
Disclaimer: All of it belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy.
Acknowledgements: Thank you to Patrick, Michelle and m_phoenix for their valuable betaing assistance.
Link to previous chapters
9. The Future
There was a call. From social services. Then there was a meeting. They want me to adopt Toby, or I lose him. Well duh, obviously I’m gonna adopt. But there’s one big gaping glitch in the plan; the law changed. Now gay people can adopt - big smiley progression, right? Except we live in Ohio. First we’re blue, then we’re red, then we’re blue again. It’s one confusing purple blur. In a bid to keep everyone happy, they legalized gay adoption and simultaneously swung back to ‘family values.’ Gay or straight, only couples can adopt. What is with that? Mom did a way better job once Dad left.
So I did what I’ve done for the past ten years every time life gets a little too life-like. I sat on Willow’s bed and had some girl time. We were munching some of Toby’s leftover Halloween candy on a weekday afternoon. I could hear Giles tutting at us and he wasn’t even around. “Oh God Will, I really want to. I love him like he’s my kid. Blood means nothing.”
“Buffy!”
“Ok, not nothing. Everything, what with the jumping off towers, blood connection to a mystical sibling, saving people from having theirs drained on a nightly basis and all. But the point is that I adore Toby and can’t stand the thought of him not being here, let alone being with other people. What if they’re like his parents?”
“They won’t be Buffy, they screen adoptive parents nowadays.”
I scrunched up my fists. “Yeah and we’ve all heard stories which prove; the screening - not always so effective. Anyway, so not the point. I love him. I want to take care of him and for him to be in all our lives always.”
“Well look at you being all grown up responsible Buffy.” She got that proud glint in her eye, usually exclusively reserved for my non-existent academic excellence.
“Can grown up Buffy still join you in throwing popcorn at Xander’s head on movie night?” I demonstrated with a piece of candy on Percy the Evil Penguin. That’s her stuffed animal, not some malevolent sub-arctic beast.
Will gave me her Willow grin; “What would I do without your excellent aim?”
“And go for mochas?”
“Oooh retro drinks, great idea Buff!”
The girl still loves her mochas, and yeah ok, I sure love her. In a friend way, obviously. Then I asked about my real dilemma; “So, what do I do about Faith? I need a partner to be eligible to adopt.”
“I can’t believe that another woman counts as your partner. How happy is it that the law changed?”
“Yeah great - at discriminating against single people.” I gave Percy the Evil Penguin a playful whack, which knocked out some of his stuffing and was oddly satisfying.
“You’re not single Buff.”
“No?”
“She loves you.”
“Well she’s never mentioned it.” I picked at the tiny gold stars woven into the maroon velvet of her bedspread. “Anyway, it’s not in a ‘commit to me and raise a child together’ way. Just listen how that sounds. You know any part of that sentence would have Faith running before I was done talking. What am I gonna do?”
“What else can you do? You’ll have to talk to her. I think you should talk to her. Not just about Toby, although that’s huge, in a momentously life changingly mammoth way.”
“I think that’s gonna happen for you soon Will.” I tell her. But she shrugs like she doesn’t believe me. That makes me happy as she’ll be extra surprised. You seem kinda happy yourself. I’m so excited for you guys.
“Anyway, my point was this. It’s time you found out what the score is with Faith. Even though she’s been all subduey lately. Oh! Sad Faith. I don’t like the thought of that. I guess I must be starting to like her a little. Which is all of the good what with her and my best friend contemplating life partnership.”
“I’m contemplating. She’ll be breaking into a sprint.”
“Well Buff, I think you need to find out. I think it’s time. You can’t spend the rest of your life hoping that one day Faith might see the light. That she’ll realise you’ve already been in a relationship for six years - at least.”
I sighed. “That’s never gonna happen Will. I think I’m deluded.”
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but if you are, deluded I mean, then it’s time to find out. You either have to build an actual life with Faith or grieve and move on. I know it sounds harsh Buffy, and you know I’ll be here for you every step of the way no matter what happens. But you can’t wait around avoiding reality forever.”
I know she’s right. You agree don’t you? Of course you do. What’s standing in my way? Terror. Pure bone-crushing terror. I could gain an instant family and all my heart’s desires. Or alternatively, lose two of the people I love most, all in one agonizing blow. She won’t be sensitive either. You know that right? There’ll be no letting me down gently. More likely she’ll get pissed about the demands I’m making of her. Yeah, of course I’m gonna do it. At this point, what choice do I have?
But Will and I devised a back up plan. If Faith refuses to join me in adopting Toby, then Willow’s gonna, depending on what you think of course. I’ll be his primary parent but she’ll be there for back up, as always. This might be weird, but we’d have to lie and persuade the authorities that we’re a couple. Considering the close proximity in which we’ve lived all these years and how well we know one another we think we could get away with it. Me and Willow? In a romantic way? Eeeew. No. Don’t get me wrong, Will’s beautiful. It’s just, we’ve been friends forever and always in a super platonic way. It’s like the idea of doing Xander, it’s just wrong. I hope that’s gonna be ok?
It’s weird this thinking about parenting. Makes me miss Mom even more. You get that, don’t you? It was extra freaky timing that after missing eight or nine trips to the Ice-Capades, Dad called. No, I’m serious. He was reassessing things, after the split from his most recent younger-than-me-and-very-nearly-younger-than-my-kid-sister, girlfriend du jour. I think he just had some business in Ohio and was lonely and having guilt. Dawnie was all excited to see Dad and introduce him to Connor. I’m so mad at him, I nearly didn’t go. But secretly, I miss him. Dawn and I had this whole thing planned where we ragged on him for his presidential status in dead beat dads of America. But during dinner there were quite a few of those deafening silences, like in that moment right before the world ends. But the world never does end, does it? We’ve lived all these years without him. When he says, “How’ve you girls been?”
I can’t say, “Actually, it’s been a hectic couple weeks Dad. I slew a rare species of demon that for millennia everyone thought was extinct?” It’s not like our dinner conversation could then move to the ethics of extincting a species even if they are evil brain-sucking demons.
If Dad wanted it, we still couldn’t have an honest relationship. He believes burning down the school gym in LA was attention-getting teen rebellion. It’s not enough that I risk my life to rid the world of evil on a nightly basis; I used to get grounded for it - that sucks.
You know better than anyone, there’s always stuff we can’t share with our families. But it was super awkward when Dad asked why Connor’s family hadn’t joined us for dinner. There’s no simple explanation for why Dawn’s father in law will soon look younger than his son. Or why he couldn’t meet for dinner at 6pm what with the pesky daylight. Not to mention, he’s my ex.
I was all ready to shout and be assertively Slayery, but then we’d see Dad even less. I.e. never. It didn’t ease my tension when Dad kept asking why I wasn’t married yet and saying things like, “looks like little sis beat you to the altar Buffy. You’d better hurry up before she has kids and you’re the maiden aunt.” Then he’d laugh real loud while Dawn gave an awkward smile and placed a restraining hand on Connor’s arm. I was pissed. Dad’s not involved in my life but still criticizes it. Giving some fatherly advice probably made him feel all important and like he was part of it. He probably also thought that highlighting my flaws, he doesn’t look so bad. I wished I’d brought Faith to dinner, ‘cos she’d have no problems telling Dad what she thought of him. But even if we were ‘together’ I wouldn’t have brought Faith to dinner for that exact reason.
So, Faith played parent for a night. I was hoping she’d get a taste for it and be more amenable about the whole adopting Toby thing. It was a three hour drive to meet Dad where he was working. You’d think after missing a decade or so of visitation he could at least visit us. Anyhow, we figured we’d stay overnight at his motel, then drive back in the morning. Therefore Faith was babysitting…overnight. I’ll admit I was an eensy bit tentative. We decided it’d be best if Toby slept in my room, so Faith was next door if he needed anything i.e. had a nightmare. I’d warned her, but it was weird ‘cos we don’t talk about her dreams during daylight. Her comfort level- not so high, as I tried to explain; “Just remind him he’s safe, that things are different now, that we care about him.”
Faith turned to me with that look of pure scorn I haven’t seen the past few years; “Well you’ve just got the routine down pat B. Me and Kid are your pair of rescue puppies. You brought us home from the pound so we didn’t get put down when no one wanted us. Why bother with this bitch,” she whacked her chest for emphasis, “when new puppy’s all adorable and never tried to kill your friends?”
I reminded her, “Being there for you and Toby isn’t mutually exclusive.”
Under her breath but knowing full well I could hear, she said, “Yeah, for now.” Then with a fake sickly sweet smile, she put on a little girl voice that coming from cleavage girl just sounded disturbing; “I jus’ luv being Buffy’s pet pwoject.” Then she turned to an imaginary Toby and said, “Aren’t you just so grateful that Buffy took in us strays?”
Sometimes I still hate her. Maybe I should reconsider…everything.
To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if Faith would stick to the babysitting agreement - it did involve a whole night without drinking or slaying. I’d left Willow with strict instructions to check up on them. It’s convenient she can do that mystically without being detected. No, don’t worry; she’s so past that messing with people’s minds stuff. Total phase. You have nothing to look so worried about.
Anyhow, none of us could stomach another awkward meal with Dad in the morning. I think Connor was ready to send him to hell literally when Dad kept telling stories of Dawn’s implanted-by-monks non-existent childhood. So we drove the few hours back to the Academy after dinner, which gave me lots of time to stare out the window and brood on the suckyness that is the life of Buffy. Connor told me I was getting more like his dad every day. As if.
It’s bad enough that my Dad walked out when I was at that impressionable age and all. Hello? Do I have a target on my torso saying ‘abandon me’? I don’t think so. But the number of years he didn’t call or write…more years than Toby’s been alive. Then when he’s in dumpsville and does call, know what he does? Criticizes my lack of marriage prospects. He’s just been discarded by his third secretary under thirty, after walking out on his wife and daughters. Daughter technically. And he has the nerve to criticize my single status.
Am I even single? That’s so why I need to have big scary discussion with Faith, which is why I’m being procrastinatey girl. So, tell me about you. I do want to know.
Ok fine. Where was I? Right: long car journey home. Three hours of little sis and progeny of Angel discussing vacations and baby names - not helping Buffy’s disillusionment with the life of the single gal. Why did I have to fall for a vixen in leather who’s probably the only person with more abandonment, intimacy and relationship issues than moi?
Well, maybe when I got home I could convince Ms. Recently Chaste to service her fellow Slayer. It might not give me the love and security I not so secretly crave, but it’s been weeks. I was thinking that with the feel of pouty Faith lips sliding across my collarbone and the feel of strong Faith hands lifting me up against a wall - I could probably forget about my crappy excuse for a father.
Can I be honest? What I really wanted was for Faith to hold me. Why can’t I even look at you when I say that? Don’t get me wrong, I want to be there for her when she has nightmares. But sometimes I wish she’d hold me that way. It’s not like I can ask. I mean, it’s Faith.
I knew at the very least, when I told her about the hideousness that was my evening, she’d offer to hunt him down. Bad idea. But at least that shows she cares, right?
Actually, protective Faith was sounding pretty good. I stopped by my room first; to check on Toby and change into something a little more comfortable and likely to seduce. Sulking was briefly interrupted as I approached my door. My stomach was all queasy churny. It could’ve been dinner -Anya’s dimension without shrimp was sounding heavenly. But I think my grumbly gut was due to the usual reason I get grumbly; Faith. Yeah, she was great with Toby, but in the way of a big brother who’s all, “let’s ride our bikes down the highest hill in Cleveland without helmets” or “don’t be a wuss, the tree house is way secure.” I was trying to trust that she wouldn’t let anything too bad happen to Toby. If she did, I’d have to be all angry and responsible and then there’d be no sexy or protective Faith.
I slowly creaked my door open, not wanting to wake Toby. I was surprised, and relieved, to find him fast asleep in bed. However, I did freeze for a moment, blinking in the glare of lights left on. My breath caught in my throat. Faith was asleep next to Toby. They were both lying on their backs; Faith had one arm above her head and was snoring softly. Toby had obviously fallen asleep mimicking her pose, only he was resting his head on her shoulder. You’re right, it was sweet. It’s everything I said I wanted. Faith was being all dependable and parenty and the two of them had bonded.
But I felt as though I’d been abandoned in the desert without you or anyone else to guide me. There was only sand, nothing familiar to cling to. Two people I love and adore were sleeping peacefully in my bed. And I felt hugely alone.
We’ve lived at the school eight years. The one time Faith spent the night in my bed was the night I wasn’t in it. She doesn’t want me. I’ll still have the big talk with her. For Toby. Maybe Faith and I can find a way to work together for his adoption. But I’ve no doubt that having the conversation is setting me up for a world of pain.
The next morning, Faith ran into Dawn at breakfast. “Hey Mini-Buff.” You can imagine how much Dawn loves being referred to that way. “You guys are back early.”
Obviously Dawn told her we’d driven back the night before. So after some eggs and eight or so waffles, Faith came to find me. She strolled into my room as if it were hers. “Hey B. You get captured last night?”
“Huh?”
“Well, I figure despite losing the last coupla Friday contests, you’re in pretty good shape so you could probably make the distance between the car and your room. What other explanation could there be? You were clearly captured by aliens.”
“I just wandered round the school for a few hours, you know, patrolling an’ all.”
“Rough night with Daddy dearest?”
“No, well yes actually. I’ll tell you about it later.”
Her tone was kinda mean. “Yeah, because you don’t have any secrets do you B?”
Huh?
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“You and Toby looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to intrude.”
Faith looked at me all quizzically, even with a hint of concern. Weird. Then she told me Toby had had a nightmare and she actually went to him. I figure maybe Faith slept because she was protecting someone genuinely powerless, so she didn’t feel so vulnerable. Now I feel inadequate for not being in the tortured childhood club. What if I can’t give either of them what they need?
So after my big chat with Willow, we went into dinner, avoiding Giles’ pointed ‘where were you two for afternoon lessons and why do you continue to act like children’ glares. I joined Faith in the cafeteria line, “B, put some broccoli on the kid’s plate will ya?”
“But Toby hates broccoli.”
“I know. Just do it will ya? Trust me.” Yeah right. I rolled my eyes at her but loaded Toby’s plate with broccoli. Then we joined him, sitting with Willow and Giles. As I put his plate in front of him, I could swear Toby looked petrified. I was about to check, when Faith put her hand on my arm. Giles and Will were engaged in some incomprehensible conversation. Something about a two thousand year old Samarian tractate thought to allude to one mystical cult or another. The three of us were silent. Toby finished his fries and fish sticks. He began picking at the broccoli with a pained look on his face. Suddenly Faith jumped up, startling us all.
“Hey Kid, you know what happens to kids here who don’t like broccoli?” Toby looked scared out of his mind as he shook his head. Faith said; “Bring your plate and come with me.”
I looked at her as if to say ‘what the hell are you doing now?’ She put her hand on my shoulder, but it did little to reassure me. I have to confess; I followed them across the cafeteria because I wanted in. They have their whole tortured souls’ adventure club and I wanted in on the secret handshake. I didn’t have a clue what Faith was up to. But I was ready to run the interference necessary, judging from Toby’s tremoring plate. As they came to a standstill Faith took it from him.
“You know what happens to kids living with Slayers who don’t eat their broccoli?” Toby shook his head still looking scared and also kinda confused. He wasn’t the only one. “This!” Faith said dramatically. She held the plate in the air, tipping the broccoli into a large trash can. “You know what else?” Toby shook his head but this time he looked more intrigued than frightened. “This!” Faith said, pulling a squished candy bar out of her back pocket and handing it to Toby. He looked up at her with what can only be described as awe. I was thinking; of all the adults in this place you had to choose Faith as your hero? He pulled on her hand so she leant down and the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen happened. Toby threw his arms around Faith’s neck. She just picked him up and said into his ear; “You’re alright now Kid. You’re alright.”
I was about to cry because it was about the cutest thing I’d ever seen. And it was Faith. What I would’ve done for a camera just then - oh the bribery opportunities! She said to him, “Hey Kid, ya wanna learn how to use a crossbow?”
The response was extremely enthusiastic; “Yeah.” So Faith threw him over her shoulder. I gave her a warning look but she just grinned, winked and whispered in my ear. She carried Toby, shrieking with laughter, outside, by his ankles. I returned to the mirth at our table. The others had seen the whole thing from across the room.
“Oh Buffy, that was so cute. What with the cuteness of Toby and Faith being all sweet and all the cuteness and sweetness.” Willow was smiling at me in a ‘maybe all is not lost with your kind-of girlfriend’ way.
Giles seemed to be dabbing tears from his eyes with a handkerchief. Perfectly monogrammed, starched and ironed of course. “Well Buffy, she certainly seems to have a talent with the boy. They appear to have formed quite a, uh, bond.”
“Yes they’re all big with the bonding. Right now Ms-Responsible-Parent-of-the-Year is teaching our as yet un-adopted son to use a crossbow.”
“Oh Lord.” said Giles, as he began using the handkerchief to clean his glasses.
I was grateful neither of them heard what Faith sneered into my ear in a barely disguised whisper, before she and Toby left the room; “We’re off to have secret meetings all of our own and you’re not invited.” I felt winded, like the life-force had been sucked from me. Faith had told Giles I killed Finch. Faith had slept with Keith. Faith had tried to kill Angel. The malice in her tone echoed every one of her betrayals. I didn’t understand where this was coming from now. My world was crumbling away again, and I hadn’t even broached the big conversation with Faith.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Buffy/Faith
Timeline: 8 years post Chosen
Summary: Buffy talks about the Slayer Academy and what they’re all up to now. Some of this is light and fun, some of it is rather angsty (and possibly triggering) and of course Buffy and Faith get it on.
Feedback: I would love as much and as detailed feedback and constructive criticism as you want to give. Thank you to everyone who's given feedback so far. It is much appreciated.
Distribution: That would be great, but please ask first.
Disclaimer: All of it belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy.
Acknowledgements: Thank you to Patrick, Michelle and m_phoenix for their valuable betaing assistance.
Link to previous chapters
9. The Future
There was a call. From social services. Then there was a meeting. They want me to adopt Toby, or I lose him. Well duh, obviously I’m gonna adopt. But there’s one big gaping glitch in the plan; the law changed. Now gay people can adopt - big smiley progression, right? Except we live in Ohio. First we’re blue, then we’re red, then we’re blue again. It’s one confusing purple blur. In a bid to keep everyone happy, they legalized gay adoption and simultaneously swung back to ‘family values.’ Gay or straight, only couples can adopt. What is with that? Mom did a way better job once Dad left.
So I did what I’ve done for the past ten years every time life gets a little too life-like. I sat on Willow’s bed and had some girl time. We were munching some of Toby’s leftover Halloween candy on a weekday afternoon. I could hear Giles tutting at us and he wasn’t even around. “Oh God Will, I really want to. I love him like he’s my kid. Blood means nothing.”
“Buffy!”
“Ok, not nothing. Everything, what with the jumping off towers, blood connection to a mystical sibling, saving people from having theirs drained on a nightly basis and all. But the point is that I adore Toby and can’t stand the thought of him not being here, let alone being with other people. What if they’re like his parents?”
“They won’t be Buffy, they screen adoptive parents nowadays.”
I scrunched up my fists. “Yeah and we’ve all heard stories which prove; the screening - not always so effective. Anyway, so not the point. I love him. I want to take care of him and for him to be in all our lives always.”
“Well look at you being all grown up responsible Buffy.” She got that proud glint in her eye, usually exclusively reserved for my non-existent academic excellence.
“Can grown up Buffy still join you in throwing popcorn at Xander’s head on movie night?” I demonstrated with a piece of candy on Percy the Evil Penguin. That’s her stuffed animal, not some malevolent sub-arctic beast.
Will gave me her Willow grin; “What would I do without your excellent aim?”
“And go for mochas?”
“Oooh retro drinks, great idea Buff!”
The girl still loves her mochas, and yeah ok, I sure love her. In a friend way, obviously. Then I asked about my real dilemma; “So, what do I do about Faith? I need a partner to be eligible to adopt.”
“I can’t believe that another woman counts as your partner. How happy is it that the law changed?”
“Yeah great - at discriminating against single people.” I gave Percy the Evil Penguin a playful whack, which knocked out some of his stuffing and was oddly satisfying.
“You’re not single Buff.”
“No?”
“She loves you.”
“Well she’s never mentioned it.” I picked at the tiny gold stars woven into the maroon velvet of her bedspread. “Anyway, it’s not in a ‘commit to me and raise a child together’ way. Just listen how that sounds. You know any part of that sentence would have Faith running before I was done talking. What am I gonna do?”
“What else can you do? You’ll have to talk to her. I think you should talk to her. Not just about Toby, although that’s huge, in a momentously life changingly mammoth way.”
“I think that’s gonna happen for you soon Will.” I tell her. But she shrugs like she doesn’t believe me. That makes me happy as she’ll be extra surprised. You seem kinda happy yourself. I’m so excited for you guys.
“Anyway, my point was this. It’s time you found out what the score is with Faith. Even though she’s been all subduey lately. Oh! Sad Faith. I don’t like the thought of that. I guess I must be starting to like her a little. Which is all of the good what with her and my best friend contemplating life partnership.”
“I’m contemplating. She’ll be breaking into a sprint.”
“Well Buff, I think you need to find out. I think it’s time. You can’t spend the rest of your life hoping that one day Faith might see the light. That she’ll realise you’ve already been in a relationship for six years - at least.”
I sighed. “That’s never gonna happen Will. I think I’m deluded.”
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but if you are, deluded I mean, then it’s time to find out. You either have to build an actual life with Faith or grieve and move on. I know it sounds harsh Buffy, and you know I’ll be here for you every step of the way no matter what happens. But you can’t wait around avoiding reality forever.”
I know she’s right. You agree don’t you? Of course you do. What’s standing in my way? Terror. Pure bone-crushing terror. I could gain an instant family and all my heart’s desires. Or alternatively, lose two of the people I love most, all in one agonizing blow. She won’t be sensitive either. You know that right? There’ll be no letting me down gently. More likely she’ll get pissed about the demands I’m making of her. Yeah, of course I’m gonna do it. At this point, what choice do I have?
But Will and I devised a back up plan. If Faith refuses to join me in adopting Toby, then Willow’s gonna, depending on what you think of course. I’ll be his primary parent but she’ll be there for back up, as always. This might be weird, but we’d have to lie and persuade the authorities that we’re a couple. Considering the close proximity in which we’ve lived all these years and how well we know one another we think we could get away with it. Me and Willow? In a romantic way? Eeeew. No. Don’t get me wrong, Will’s beautiful. It’s just, we’ve been friends forever and always in a super platonic way. It’s like the idea of doing Xander, it’s just wrong. I hope that’s gonna be ok?
It’s weird this thinking about parenting. Makes me miss Mom even more. You get that, don’t you? It was extra freaky timing that after missing eight or nine trips to the Ice-Capades, Dad called. No, I’m serious. He was reassessing things, after the split from his most recent younger-than-me-and-very-nearly-younger-than-my-kid-sister, girlfriend du jour. I think he just had some business in Ohio and was lonely and having guilt. Dawnie was all excited to see Dad and introduce him to Connor. I’m so mad at him, I nearly didn’t go. But secretly, I miss him. Dawn and I had this whole thing planned where we ragged on him for his presidential status in dead beat dads of America. But during dinner there were quite a few of those deafening silences, like in that moment right before the world ends. But the world never does end, does it? We’ve lived all these years without him. When he says, “How’ve you girls been?”
I can’t say, “Actually, it’s been a hectic couple weeks Dad. I slew a rare species of demon that for millennia everyone thought was extinct?” It’s not like our dinner conversation could then move to the ethics of extincting a species even if they are evil brain-sucking demons.
If Dad wanted it, we still couldn’t have an honest relationship. He believes burning down the school gym in LA was attention-getting teen rebellion. It’s not enough that I risk my life to rid the world of evil on a nightly basis; I used to get grounded for it - that sucks.
You know better than anyone, there’s always stuff we can’t share with our families. But it was super awkward when Dad asked why Connor’s family hadn’t joined us for dinner. There’s no simple explanation for why Dawn’s father in law will soon look younger than his son. Or why he couldn’t meet for dinner at 6pm what with the pesky daylight. Not to mention, he’s my ex.
I was all ready to shout and be assertively Slayery, but then we’d see Dad even less. I.e. never. It didn’t ease my tension when Dad kept asking why I wasn’t married yet and saying things like, “looks like little sis beat you to the altar Buffy. You’d better hurry up before she has kids and you’re the maiden aunt.” Then he’d laugh real loud while Dawn gave an awkward smile and placed a restraining hand on Connor’s arm. I was pissed. Dad’s not involved in my life but still criticizes it. Giving some fatherly advice probably made him feel all important and like he was part of it. He probably also thought that highlighting my flaws, he doesn’t look so bad. I wished I’d brought Faith to dinner, ‘cos she’d have no problems telling Dad what she thought of him. But even if we were ‘together’ I wouldn’t have brought Faith to dinner for that exact reason.
So, Faith played parent for a night. I was hoping she’d get a taste for it and be more amenable about the whole adopting Toby thing. It was a three hour drive to meet Dad where he was working. You’d think after missing a decade or so of visitation he could at least visit us. Anyhow, we figured we’d stay overnight at his motel, then drive back in the morning. Therefore Faith was babysitting…overnight. I’ll admit I was an eensy bit tentative. We decided it’d be best if Toby slept in my room, so Faith was next door if he needed anything i.e. had a nightmare. I’d warned her, but it was weird ‘cos we don’t talk about her dreams during daylight. Her comfort level- not so high, as I tried to explain; “Just remind him he’s safe, that things are different now, that we care about him.”
Faith turned to me with that look of pure scorn I haven’t seen the past few years; “Well you’ve just got the routine down pat B. Me and Kid are your pair of rescue puppies. You brought us home from the pound so we didn’t get put down when no one wanted us. Why bother with this bitch,” she whacked her chest for emphasis, “when new puppy’s all adorable and never tried to kill your friends?”
I reminded her, “Being there for you and Toby isn’t mutually exclusive.”
Under her breath but knowing full well I could hear, she said, “Yeah, for now.” Then with a fake sickly sweet smile, she put on a little girl voice that coming from cleavage girl just sounded disturbing; “I jus’ luv being Buffy’s pet pwoject.” Then she turned to an imaginary Toby and said, “Aren’t you just so grateful that Buffy took in us strays?”
Sometimes I still hate her. Maybe I should reconsider…everything.
To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if Faith would stick to the babysitting agreement - it did involve a whole night without drinking or slaying. I’d left Willow with strict instructions to check up on them. It’s convenient she can do that mystically without being detected. No, don’t worry; she’s so past that messing with people’s minds stuff. Total phase. You have nothing to look so worried about.
Anyhow, none of us could stomach another awkward meal with Dad in the morning. I think Connor was ready to send him to hell literally when Dad kept telling stories of Dawn’s implanted-by-monks non-existent childhood. So we drove the few hours back to the Academy after dinner, which gave me lots of time to stare out the window and brood on the suckyness that is the life of Buffy. Connor told me I was getting more like his dad every day. As if.
It’s bad enough that my Dad walked out when I was at that impressionable age and all. Hello? Do I have a target on my torso saying ‘abandon me’? I don’t think so. But the number of years he didn’t call or write…more years than Toby’s been alive. Then when he’s in dumpsville and does call, know what he does? Criticizes my lack of marriage prospects. He’s just been discarded by his third secretary under thirty, after walking out on his wife and daughters. Daughter technically. And he has the nerve to criticize my single status.
Am I even single? That’s so why I need to have big scary discussion with Faith, which is why I’m being procrastinatey girl. So, tell me about you. I do want to know.
Ok fine. Where was I? Right: long car journey home. Three hours of little sis and progeny of Angel discussing vacations and baby names - not helping Buffy’s disillusionment with the life of the single gal. Why did I have to fall for a vixen in leather who’s probably the only person with more abandonment, intimacy and relationship issues than moi?
Well, maybe when I got home I could convince Ms. Recently Chaste to service her fellow Slayer. It might not give me the love and security I not so secretly crave, but it’s been weeks. I was thinking that with the feel of pouty Faith lips sliding across my collarbone and the feel of strong Faith hands lifting me up against a wall - I could probably forget about my crappy excuse for a father.
Can I be honest? What I really wanted was for Faith to hold me. Why can’t I even look at you when I say that? Don’t get me wrong, I want to be there for her when she has nightmares. But sometimes I wish she’d hold me that way. It’s not like I can ask. I mean, it’s Faith.
I knew at the very least, when I told her about the hideousness that was my evening, she’d offer to hunt him down. Bad idea. But at least that shows she cares, right?
Actually, protective Faith was sounding pretty good. I stopped by my room first; to check on Toby and change into something a little more comfortable and likely to seduce. Sulking was briefly interrupted as I approached my door. My stomach was all queasy churny. It could’ve been dinner -Anya’s dimension without shrimp was sounding heavenly. But I think my grumbly gut was due to the usual reason I get grumbly; Faith. Yeah, she was great with Toby, but in the way of a big brother who’s all, “let’s ride our bikes down the highest hill in Cleveland without helmets” or “don’t be a wuss, the tree house is way secure.” I was trying to trust that she wouldn’t let anything too bad happen to Toby. If she did, I’d have to be all angry and responsible and then there’d be no sexy or protective Faith.
I slowly creaked my door open, not wanting to wake Toby. I was surprised, and relieved, to find him fast asleep in bed. However, I did freeze for a moment, blinking in the glare of lights left on. My breath caught in my throat. Faith was asleep next to Toby. They were both lying on their backs; Faith had one arm above her head and was snoring softly. Toby had obviously fallen asleep mimicking her pose, only he was resting his head on her shoulder. You’re right, it was sweet. It’s everything I said I wanted. Faith was being all dependable and parenty and the two of them had bonded.
But I felt as though I’d been abandoned in the desert without you or anyone else to guide me. There was only sand, nothing familiar to cling to. Two people I love and adore were sleeping peacefully in my bed. And I felt hugely alone.
We’ve lived at the school eight years. The one time Faith spent the night in my bed was the night I wasn’t in it. She doesn’t want me. I’ll still have the big talk with her. For Toby. Maybe Faith and I can find a way to work together for his adoption. But I’ve no doubt that having the conversation is setting me up for a world of pain.
The next morning, Faith ran into Dawn at breakfast. “Hey Mini-Buff.” You can imagine how much Dawn loves being referred to that way. “You guys are back early.”
Obviously Dawn told her we’d driven back the night before. So after some eggs and eight or so waffles, Faith came to find me. She strolled into my room as if it were hers. “Hey B. You get captured last night?”
“Huh?”
“Well, I figure despite losing the last coupla Friday contests, you’re in pretty good shape so you could probably make the distance between the car and your room. What other explanation could there be? You were clearly captured by aliens.”
“I just wandered round the school for a few hours, you know, patrolling an’ all.”
“Rough night with Daddy dearest?”
“No, well yes actually. I’ll tell you about it later.”
Her tone was kinda mean. “Yeah, because you don’t have any secrets do you B?”
Huh?
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“You and Toby looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to intrude.”
Faith looked at me all quizzically, even with a hint of concern. Weird. Then she told me Toby had had a nightmare and she actually went to him. I figure maybe Faith slept because she was protecting someone genuinely powerless, so she didn’t feel so vulnerable. Now I feel inadequate for not being in the tortured childhood club. What if I can’t give either of them what they need?
So after my big chat with Willow, we went into dinner, avoiding Giles’ pointed ‘where were you two for afternoon lessons and why do you continue to act like children’ glares. I joined Faith in the cafeteria line, “B, put some broccoli on the kid’s plate will ya?”
“But Toby hates broccoli.”
“I know. Just do it will ya? Trust me.” Yeah right. I rolled my eyes at her but loaded Toby’s plate with broccoli. Then we joined him, sitting with Willow and Giles. As I put his plate in front of him, I could swear Toby looked petrified. I was about to check, when Faith put her hand on my arm. Giles and Will were engaged in some incomprehensible conversation. Something about a two thousand year old Samarian tractate thought to allude to one mystical cult or another. The three of us were silent. Toby finished his fries and fish sticks. He began picking at the broccoli with a pained look on his face. Suddenly Faith jumped up, startling us all.
“Hey Kid, you know what happens to kids here who don’t like broccoli?” Toby looked scared out of his mind as he shook his head. Faith said; “Bring your plate and come with me.”
I looked at her as if to say ‘what the hell are you doing now?’ She put her hand on my shoulder, but it did little to reassure me. I have to confess; I followed them across the cafeteria because I wanted in. They have their whole tortured souls’ adventure club and I wanted in on the secret handshake. I didn’t have a clue what Faith was up to. But I was ready to run the interference necessary, judging from Toby’s tremoring plate. As they came to a standstill Faith took it from him.
“You know what happens to kids living with Slayers who don’t eat their broccoli?” Toby shook his head still looking scared and also kinda confused. He wasn’t the only one. “This!” Faith said dramatically. She held the plate in the air, tipping the broccoli into a large trash can. “You know what else?” Toby shook his head but this time he looked more intrigued than frightened. “This!” Faith said, pulling a squished candy bar out of her back pocket and handing it to Toby. He looked up at her with what can only be described as awe. I was thinking; of all the adults in this place you had to choose Faith as your hero? He pulled on her hand so she leant down and the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen happened. Toby threw his arms around Faith’s neck. She just picked him up and said into his ear; “You’re alright now Kid. You’re alright.”
I was about to cry because it was about the cutest thing I’d ever seen. And it was Faith. What I would’ve done for a camera just then - oh the bribery opportunities! She said to him, “Hey Kid, ya wanna learn how to use a crossbow?”
The response was extremely enthusiastic; “Yeah.” So Faith threw him over her shoulder. I gave her a warning look but she just grinned, winked and whispered in my ear. She carried Toby, shrieking with laughter, outside, by his ankles. I returned to the mirth at our table. The others had seen the whole thing from across the room.
“Oh Buffy, that was so cute. What with the cuteness of Toby and Faith being all sweet and all the cuteness and sweetness.” Willow was smiling at me in a ‘maybe all is not lost with your kind-of girlfriend’ way.
Giles seemed to be dabbing tears from his eyes with a handkerchief. Perfectly monogrammed, starched and ironed of course. “Well Buffy, she certainly seems to have a talent with the boy. They appear to have formed quite a, uh, bond.”
“Yes they’re all big with the bonding. Right now Ms-Responsible-Parent-of-the-Year is teaching our as yet un-adopted son to use a crossbow.”
“Oh Lord.” said Giles, as he began using the handkerchief to clean his glasses.
I was grateful neither of them heard what Faith sneered into my ear in a barely disguised whisper, before she and Toby left the room; “We’re off to have secret meetings all of our own and you’re not invited.” I felt winded, like the life-force had been sucked from me. Faith had told Giles I killed Finch. Faith had slept with Keith. Faith had tried to kill Angel. The malice in her tone echoed every one of her betrayals. I didn’t understand where this was coming from now. My world was crumbling away again, and I hadn’t even broached the big conversation with Faith.