Itchy Head And Eyebrows.....
I am currently dying my hair. Nothing too drastic, just a bit more red in it which it already is red with highlights so it isn't much of a change. I just like to change things up with my hair all of the time is all. I am actually doing my eyebrows which makes them itch like hell. I just want to scratch them soooo badly.
In other news, tomorrow is Father's Day as most people know already. I think it will be an up and down sort of day, taking the bitter with the sweet, so to speak. The sweet parts being the seeing my mom and her husband which I call "Dad". I will also get to see my grandparents and my step-brother and sister-in-law and their three kids. Of course, I always love to see my dogs. (I have three German Shorthairs, all girls and cute as all get out) I will have a nice time in the car with Aaron because we always have fun on road trips together. I will also have some yummy nummy bbq and get my new digital camera and some other good stuff. The bad news is that tomorrow is Father's Day as I mentioned and I have a long "Dad" story which comes with a lot of pain and sadness for me. Aaron also has a "Dad" story which brings up some hard feelings for him.
My story is this in a nutshell: Dad and Mom got divorced when I was a year old and he has basically popped in and out of my life since then. I have not actually seen him in about six years and the last time I did see him was when he came over to my house for about five minutes which was a prompted visit (by his mom) because I had just gotten out of the hospital from a suicide attempt. He basically did nothing to help or even ask me if I needed anything. I got a few e-mails from him a couple of years ago and that led to one phone call from him and I thought there might be some potential for a relationship between us again which quickly failed because he is a loser and could not even follow through with calling me when he said that he would call me. This was the story of my life between him and I, pretty much. He would call me and say he was coming over and never show up. He would only try to see him at holidays and my birthday anyway, just to fill my room with useless junk I didn't even like. He has a new wife and three sons with her (that I have never met) and she hates my mom and I and any woman that isn't her basically. He chose her over me, essentially. I guess what hurts me the most is that he is a good dad to these other three kids and just forgets me completely. It makes me think and feel like I did something wrong and I am not good enough.
I had a step-dad for fourteen years whom I was forced into calling "Dad" even though I hated him. He was seriously abusive to me. He abused me in every single way. He lived with me from the time I was three until I was seventeen. Needless to say, I was pretty messed up afterwards and was left with PTSD and stuff that was not fun to deal with at all. I am still working my way towards having a good self esteem and living a good life. I struggle all of the time though.
So basically, it ia hard for me to think that I have a "Dad" out there in the world who wants nothing to do with me and I have to force myself to think he isn't there or it will hurt me too much. I try to focus on the Dad that I have now and think of my life now which does help a lot. As for Aaron, his dad died a few years ago from heroine overdose.
Now for some news that isn't so depressing, I worked a lot on my room today. I have all of my furniture where I want it, my electronics all hooked up and my bed all put together. I am so tired now, moving is such hard work. Well, it is that time, to take the stuff out of my hair.
Take care,
Deseray
In other news, tomorrow is Father's Day as most people know already. I think it will be an up and down sort of day, taking the bitter with the sweet, so to speak. The sweet parts being the seeing my mom and her husband which I call "Dad". I will also get to see my grandparents and my step-brother and sister-in-law and their three kids. Of course, I always love to see my dogs. (I have three German Shorthairs, all girls and cute as all get out) I will have a nice time in the car with Aaron because we always have fun on road trips together. I will also have some yummy nummy bbq and get my new digital camera and some other good stuff. The bad news is that tomorrow is Father's Day as I mentioned and I have a long "Dad" story which comes with a lot of pain and sadness for me. Aaron also has a "Dad" story which brings up some hard feelings for him.
My story is this in a nutshell: Dad and Mom got divorced when I was a year old and he has basically popped in and out of my life since then. I have not actually seen him in about six years and the last time I did see him was when he came over to my house for about five minutes which was a prompted visit (by his mom) because I had just gotten out of the hospital from a suicide attempt. He basically did nothing to help or even ask me if I needed anything. I got a few e-mails from him a couple of years ago and that led to one phone call from him and I thought there might be some potential for a relationship between us again which quickly failed because he is a loser and could not even follow through with calling me when he said that he would call me. This was the story of my life between him and I, pretty much. He would call me and say he was coming over and never show up. He would only try to see him at holidays and my birthday anyway, just to fill my room with useless junk I didn't even like. He has a new wife and three sons with her (that I have never met) and she hates my mom and I and any woman that isn't her basically. He chose her over me, essentially. I guess what hurts me the most is that he is a good dad to these other three kids and just forgets me completely. It makes me think and feel like I did something wrong and I am not good enough.
I had a step-dad for fourteen years whom I was forced into calling "Dad" even though I hated him. He was seriously abusive to me. He abused me in every single way. He lived with me from the time I was three until I was seventeen. Needless to say, I was pretty messed up afterwards and was left with PTSD and stuff that was not fun to deal with at all. I am still working my way towards having a good self esteem and living a good life. I struggle all of the time though.
So basically, it ia hard for me to think that I have a "Dad" out there in the world who wants nothing to do with me and I have to force myself to think he isn't there or it will hurt me too much. I try to focus on the Dad that I have now and think of my life now which does help a lot. As for Aaron, his dad died a few years ago from heroine overdose.
Now for some news that isn't so depressing, I worked a lot on my room today. I have all of my furniture where I want it, my electronics all hooked up and my bed all put together. I am so tired now, moving is such hard work. Well, it is that time, to take the stuff out of my hair.
Take care,
Deseray