My Love-Lies-Bleeding (Part 1/?)
Title: My Love Lies Bleeding (Part 1/?)
Author: Faberry_ftw
Rating: R for strong language
Length: 3852
Pairings: Quinn/Rachel mentions Santana/Brittany
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters from Glee
Spoilers: Up to Journey (1x22) to be safe
Summary: Quinn Fabray is in love with Rachel Berry. She decides to sing a song in Glee club to show her how she truly feels. Doesn't really go to plan.
A/N: This chapter is pretty much Angst, but I intend for later chapters to be fluffy :3
A/N 2: This is my first fic. Ever. So basically, it might be pretty crappy xD Con-Crit is welcome, wanted in fact! I’ve spent so much time reading Faberry, I thought maybe I’d have a go at writing some, and here’s what I came up with. So, I hope you like it and if you do, the next part will hopefully be up soon :D (Unbeta’d)
“Ok guys, so for this weeks assignment you had to find a song that you can relate to, a song with lyrics that you can link to yourself or your life. Quinn has said she’d like to show you her song, so she’ll be singing first. Take it away Quinn.” Mr. Schuester stood at the front of the class before he introduced Quinn.
She could not believe she was going to do this. Quinn Fabray, was about to declare her love for Rachel freaking Berry, through song, in front of the entire Glee club. And she was scared shitless.
As much as she tried, she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking, or from feeling like her stomach was about to explode due to the butterflies inside, straining to break free. Though she knew she shouldn’t show her fear, and created her best confident stance. She nodded at the band. And then stared right in the direction of her target: Rachel Berry.
You give your hand to me
And then you say, "Hello."
And I can hardly speak,
My heart is beating so.
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well.
Well, you don't know me.
Quinn sung from the bottom of her heart, she was putting everything out there. All her feelings out in the open. And she’d never felt more vulnerable in her entire life. Luckily for her it was a pretty laid back session, nothing formal or anything, and a few people weren’t paying much attention; Rachel included. Santana and Brittany each gave the blonde an encouraging smile, Brittany’s came with a thumbs up, and this made Quinn feel just a little more confident. She smiled back at her friends before continuing the song.
No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night;
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend.
That's all I've ever been.
Cause you don't know me.
Putting her soul into the words, she looked over once again at Rachel. The brunette was sat in the chair next to Finn and he had his lanky arm around her shoulders. They were smiling at each other, and then Finn leaned in and whispered something in her ear. Rachel smirked and looked longingly up at the footballer. Quinn thought she could actually physically feel her heart breaking into thousands of tiny pieces, she registered tears starting to rise and she quickly looked away. Forcing herself to not ruin the song. Not to march right up to the pair of them right that second, and punch Finn hard right in the-
No. She reprimanded herself for losing control, even though it was in her thoughts, and just carried on singing.
For I never knew the art of making love,
Though my heart aches with love for you.
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.
Her voice wavered slightly on that last line, and she glanced back over at Rachel. Rachel fucking Berry. The girl she hated to love.
-------------------------------------------
Quinn couldn’t really remember when exactly she fell in love with Rachel. It just kind of happened. 4 or 5 months ago, the Glee club were rehearsing a new number: Give up the funk. Quinn was still pregnant back then, and boy did it show. She was tired and grumpy, but glad to know that I a few more weeks, she’d be free. Free of the weight and the pain and the baby. She felt kind of guilty when she thought that, so instantly took it back and snapped out of her little bubble to look at everyone else’s outfits. Tina looked pretty cool, Artie looked like a gangster which made Quinn feel a little uncomfortable, Santana looked good, but then she always did (it was a fact that Quinn was jealous of the Latina’s looks), Puck was looking particularly buff, Rachel looked totally hot. Wait, what?! Quinn nearly fell off of her chair. Whilst casually commenting on everybody’s clothes, did she really just say Rachel Berry looked hot? Though she hated to admit it, she knew she did. The Quinn Fabray just told herself Rachel was hot. It’s true though, she thought, and then pretend slapped herself, what the fuck, I’m not attracted to Rachel, I can’t be, she’s all no-fashion-sense and high argyle-knee socks and super short skirts that show off her wonderfully tanned legs and shit I’ve just done it again.
Quinn shook her head, stood up and made her way over to the rest of the club to practice their dance moves.
From then on Quinn looked at Rachel in a different way. The insults stopped, so did the slushy’s and she tried to become friends with her new crush. Back then it was just a crush. Quinn would watch Rachel in glee club out of the corner of her eye, she’d admire the way the brunettes long hair cascaded over her shoulders, and fell onto a tight argyle sweater that clung to the girl’s body perfectly. Every now and then Rachel would shift and the sweater would lift just a bit, and Quinn would feel her knee’s go weak at the sight of Rachel’s toned stomach. And then there were Rachel’s legs. God, those legs. Quinn could stare at Rachel’s legs for a whole Glee session, though she’d try to do so subtly, Santana always seemed to notice, but she kept her mouth shut. I know that look, she thought to herself once and smirked before turning back to a smiling Brittany and linking their pinkies.
After a while, the blondes attraction to Rachel progressed and she found her thinking of Rachel in more than just a physical way ( which she did a lot. ) Quinn realised that Rachel had the voice of an angel, whereas before she’d get bored and angry having to listen to the girl go on and on, now she found comfort in hearing Rachel sing and even talk. Whenever Rachel casually smiled at Quinn, she’d feel her stomach buzz with energy and her blood flow would quicken. She’d smile back after fighting an inevitable blush. Basically, Quinn Fabray was head over heels in love with Rachel Berry.
These feelings stayed with the blonde and slowly progressed, until the mini-diva was pretty much the only thing on Quinn’s mind. About a month after Quinn realised she had the hots for Rachel Berry, New directions went on to kick the shit out of Vocal Adrenaline at Regional’s. Everyone was so thrilled and full of energy. The events that took place shortly after are deeply engraved in Quinn’s mind.
The Glee club went back to Finn’s house for a kind of party, to celebrate winning. Quinn remembers seeing Rachel arrive. The smaller girl was dressed in a stunning, mid-thigh length, red dress and gorgeous black heels, that increased her height a little, making her look even hotter, and on her face, Rachel wore the biggest smile Quinn had ever witnessed. Fuck she thought, this, Rachel Berry, right now, is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life. And it was true; Rachel did look pretty good. That was the last thing Quinn remembers before the pain.
11 hours and 36 minutes later, Quinn had given birth. Most of the glee club stayed out in the waiting room, Mike and Matt had to go to their dads for the weekend and Tina’s mum made her come home when it reached 10pm, but everyone else was there. Rachel, Santana, Brittany and Puck were all with Quinn and the baby when the blonde named her.
“Beth,” she muttered “Beth Rachel Fabray.” Quinn smiled down at the beautiful baby in her arms before shyly looking up at the girl she loved. Rachel was still unaware of Quinn’s feelings for her so firstly she looked slightly confused at the gesture before shrugging it off as Quinn’s way of apologising for all the insults thrown on her over the years.
“Thank you Quinn,” Rachel stepped over to hug the girl, “This really means a lot to me, I mean its not every day somebody names their child after you, but I shall accept it as a solid reminder of our friendship, and I now realise that I must mean a lot you as a friend if you’re willing to choose me over somebody like Santana or Brittany and-”
“Berry?” Quinn interrupted.
“Yeah?”
“Could you please stop talking, I’m kinda tired, I mean it’s not like I’ve just given birth or anything you know!” Quinn smirked at the brunette, who blushed deeply. Quinn continued to stare lovingly at her and obviously forgot they weren’t the only ones in the room because she jumped a little as Santana loudly cleared her throat.
“Well that was heart wrenching and all, but me and B have suffered enough baby fluff today, so we’ll be going now. See you tomorrow Q. You too, Beth ‘Manhands’ Fabray.” Santana smiled and left with Brittany behind her, telling her off for making fun of the baby’s name.
Puck laughed and took a seat next to the two girls as Rachel also said goodbye.
After that things happened pretty quickly. Quinn and Puck gave Beth up for adoption, making sure their baby girl went to a loving new family. Quinn continued her stronger-than-friend-feelings towards Rachel. She also confessed to Santana and Brittany who took it surprisingly well. Although Santana did ask Brittany to hand over a fiver, and Quinn was slightly annoyed that they would make a bet over something like this. Though she did admit she wasn’t exactly being 100% subtle about the whole thing, so obviously her best friends would pick up on it in the end. And to be quite honest, Quinn was just so relieved that she was finally able to confide in somebody, it helped so much more for her to let it all out.
Rachel and Quinn continued their kind-of-friendly relationship, but truth be told, they weren’t the closest of friends (unfortunately for Quinn) and whether that was down to the fact that Quinn couldn’t trust herself around the singer or that Rachel didn’t like her that much, Quinn wasn’t really sure. But she settled for it. Them being acquaintances was far better for Quinn than being enemies.
One Week ago, Quinn, Santana and Brittany were all relaxing in Quinn’s room, eating popcorn, watching a bit of TV, that kinda stuff when Brittany came out with an idea.
“You. Should sing. To Rachel.” She looked at the blonde as both her and Santana shot Brittany what-are-you-on-about looks.
“Excuse me?”
“In Glee club. You should volunteer to sing a song, but sing it about Rachel, ‘cause she likes songs doesn’t she?”
“And, I mean, I’m a good enough singer right?!” Quinn sat upright and smiled.
“Please tell me you’re so not being serious. Yeah Quinn totally I agree, go sing a love sing for treasure trail in front of the whole club, great idea. If you wanna get the piss taken out of you for the rest of your high school life!“ Santana scoffed, whilst playing with her girlfriends hair.
“You just have to find the right song, something with lyrics that really describe how you feel about Rachel” Brittany continued, glad she was finally able to come up with a useful idea that didn’t involve ducks or rainbows.
Quinn quickly scrolled through the songs on her ipod, her eyes were bright with purpose as she stopped on one of her favourites.
“Ray Charles, you don’t know me” she said quietly, “I could sing that, it’s well within my vocal range.” The blonde smiled at the cheerios sat on her bed, both sporting very opposite expressions.
“Shit. You guys are being serious aren’t you?!” Santana cringed and put her head in her hands. But although her opinion on the outside came across negatively, deep down, Santana was glad that her friend was finally going to come out and say it, because it sure would make Quinn feel a lot happier. The Latina knew that having to hide was so hard, and she promised to herself that if anyone had anything to say about Quinn’s feelings, she was gonna cut that bitch.
---------------------------------------------
And a week later, here Quinn was, pouring her heart and soul into the song, praying it would be enough for Rachel.
You give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me
You give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me
Quinn put her all into the last 2 verses, making sure she sang to her best ability, but the very last line still came out as a shaky whisper. She looked down at the floor for a couple of seconds, listening to the sickening silence, but then the room burst into a huge round of applause led by Santana and Brittany. Quinn looked up at her friends and smiled a little before turning to the only person who’s reaction really mattered. What Quinn saw broke her heart. The brunette was leaning on Finn’s shoulder, laughing hard at something he’d said, she was clapping, but distantly as if it were totally normal for girls to declare their undying love to her through song. In public. Quinn felt sick. She rushed out of the room as fast as she possibly could before she started crying.
Santana felt her insides burning up, and knew she had a friend to protect and job to do. She viciously marched over to Rachel and gripped her arm tightly, dragging her to the back of the classroom. She was vaguely aware of the smaller girls cries of pain and objection, but she totally couldn’t have cared less. Santana pinned Rachel up against the wall, sending a silent prayer to God for the height advantage, but then, when it came to Rachel, it wasn’t exactly hard.
“Would you please take your head out of your ass for 2 minutes Berry?!” Santana glared down at her.
“What are you talking about Santana?”
“God, were you even paying any attention back then? Or were you to busy slutting it up with Finn?!” Rachel pulled a disgusting face for a second before replying. Or rather, shouting.
“Yes Santana, I was paying attention, Quinn did a cover of Ray Charles, classic love song: You don’t know me, which she probably dedicated to Puck or something.” Now it was Santana’s turned to look like she’d just been slapped in the face.
“It wasn’t for Puck! Quinn was singing to you, Fucktard!!! God Berry, what the hell is wrong with you?” And with that Santana turned and left a very stunned Rachel Berry to think about what she had just said.
For me?
“Hey Rach, you alright? Santana looked like she was about to eat you or something- Rachel! Where are you going?” Finn questioned the girl as she brushed past him, before he shook his head and went back to the rest of the group.
Rachel finally found Quinn slumped against the wall of the girls toilets. She looked terrible. Her hair was all over the place, her eyes were red and puffy and the sleeves of her cardigan were visibly wet; Quinn had obviously been crying. A lot. She didn’t hear Rachel come in so Quinn jumped a little when she lowered herself down to sit beside the blonde.
“Hey” Rachel whispered, smiling shyly. Quinn just nodded before turning her face a little.
“Don’t bother saying it. I look like shit, I know.” Quinn flinched at the harsh tone in her own voice, but warmed up a little when she felt Rachel’s hand on her knee.
“Is it true? Do you mean it?” The brunette asked, though she already knew the answer. Quinn didn’t say anything for a while and Rachel was about to repeat herself but stopped short when Quinn spoke.
“Yes.” The reply was so quiet, Rachel wasn’t sure if she had heard correctly, but Quinn wasn’t finished yet.
“Yes, yes, God yes Rach. It’s true. So, unbelievably true. But it is. And I just…I don’t. I don’t know…I just, know it’s insane, because I used to hurt you Rachel, shit, I used to torture you! And now, it makes me feel sick, knowing how I used to act towards you, and I will never forgive myself. But, I have changed, We have changed. And now, it sounds crazy I know, but. But, I’m in love with you. So, so, in love with you. And I guess I have been for a long time now. At first I just thought it was the pregnancy hormones, making me feel and weird and freaky, but then I had Beth, and all that crap was over and done with… and, and I still felt the same. Still feel the same, and now, you’re all I ever think about. I love everything about you Rach, your voice, your talent, your smile, your beauty, just everything. You are all that I want. And it kills me. It kill’s me, knowing that we’ll never be more than friends. Knowing that you don’t feel the sam- I mean, you don’t feel the same? Or, or do you?”
She finally stopped talking and looked up hopefully at Rachel, who just sat there in silence, chewing her lip. Thinking hard. God, was she thinking hard, the girl next to her, who used to be her enemy, had just confessed that she had deep feelings for her?! Surely Rachel was allowed to be a little, well, a lot surprised. Quinn thought Rachel looked pretty cute looking when she was confused. She also thought Rachel’s hesitation was a good thing, and that maybe it was her way of saying yes, without really having to say yes. Yes, she did feel the same.
Quinn placed her hand softly on the brunettes leg, and slowly leaned closer to her. She stopped when she was close enough to feel Rachel’s hot breath on her neck. The girls looked each other in the eyes, both blushing slightly, before Quinn closed the distance between them. Then the only thing Quinn’s brain could register, was Rachel.
Quinn kissed her slowly, but that didn’t mean there was no passion. God, there was so. so much passion. Quinn had half a years worth of love and lust to release, and she put all of it into that kiss. It was as if it was the most important thing in the world, and at that moment, it sure did feel like it. Quinn moaned deeply, before carefully lifting her hand from Rachel’s thigh to wrap it around the smaller girls neck, and at the same time, she lazily swept her tongue across Rachel’s bottom lip, seeking permission to go further. Because she wanted more, she needed more. Her insides were exploding and it was the most amazing thing she’d ever experience and- and then Rachel was gone. The brunette stood up quickly and took a couple of steps backwards.
Quinn looked up at her in confusion,
“Rachel?” She started panicking. Have I done something wrong? Was I not good enough for her? Quinn began to feel sick again.
“Rachel, are you Ok? Did I go too far?” She got up and moved towards the other girl. But was stopped short by Rachel’s reply.
“YES QUINN! Yes you have gone too far!” Rachel yelled at the blonde.
“What…I…ugh… What the fuck was that Quinn?! Huh? You wanna maybe explain it to me? cos I sure as hell have no idea what the hell just happened there. Actually, no, you know what I do. YOU KISSED ME QUINN! You fucking kissed me! What on earth would possess you to do something like that?”
Quinn looked like somebody had just kicked a puppy. Kicked a puppy real hard, then cut its heart out, thrown it on the floor and ripped it to shreds before burning it to ashes. She kinda felt like it too.
“I, it’s just… I asked you, if you felt…if you felt the same…you didn’t say. Anything…so I…just thought. You know…” The blonde stumbled over her words before just giving up, she was unable to form a proper sentence, because of the actual physical pain she was experiencing. She started to cry again. She’d fucked up big time, and she knew it.
“You thought what Quinn?! Spit it out!”
“Ithoughtyoufeltthesame” Quinn threw the words out quickly, she just wanted to die. Get this over and done with.
“Well no Quinn, I most certainly do not feel the same. I like fucking boys! I mean no, I fucking like boys, I don’t like fucking them, well, I’ve never tried it, but I’m sure it would be a pleasurable experience but, that’s not the point! I like guys Quinn, in fact I particularly like Finn. I am not interested in what you have to offer to me. And, I never will be. So please, do us both a favour and just stay away from me if you aren’t able to control yourself.” And with that, Rachel Berry left without another look behind her.
And Quinn was left lying on the floor of the girl’s toilets, crying, heartbroken and completely embarrassed.
Santana and Brittany arrived half an hour later, Quinn was still in the same position she was since Rachel had left her. In that time, the broken girl had been replaying the earlier events over and over and over again in her head. She focused mostly on the kiss. Partly because that was as much as she would ever get from Rachel, so she wanted to remember it for the rest of her life: the taste of Rachel’s strawberry lip-gloss, the way Rachel’s lips melted against hers as a perfect fit, the electric waves jolting around her body, giving her such an unexplainable high. Partly because she was already suffering so much unbearable pain; thinking about Rachel’s rejection would just make the knife in Quinn’s stomach twist deeper, wrenching her body until she could no longer think, or feel or breathe. And Partly because, for those few amazing seconds, Rachel Berry had kissed her back. And she knew it. She knew that that little piece of information, was going to be the only thing to keep Quinn Fabray running, for a long time. It was the only thing for her to live for. The only thing worth fighting for and she knew, it was the one sliver of hope she had left in her life. And she needed it to survive. Because from that day onwards, Quinn’s life was gonna get a whole lot shittier. Quinn could only get worse and she knew it. She knew, hell was coming. What she didn’t know, was just how bad it was going to be.
(Sorry for any font/spacing/repeating issues, livejournal sure is being amazingly retarded today >_<)