"sort of thin and stretched"
I've been struggling with this online class. Partly it's the fact that I've never taught it online before and I'm remembering why preparing material for online classes is so freaking hard.
Partly it's also because the subject matter: "Chinese society and culture" is very very close to home. And in some ways I think, a little too close to home.
For the record, I have no problem with being analytical about my own people. When I was studying in China, my other foreign-student friends used to comment that I was really "anti-Chinese" because I would be so critical about things that I perceived as wrong about the social politics of Chinese society in the PRC as I understood it.
Striking the right balance between "Chinese people are number one!" and "those bloody Chinese", especially for undergraduates some of whom already have pretty set in stone ideas about the PRC, is proving to be very difficult for me in an online environment.
It's hard to be sure that I've conveyed my own default love for my people along with my criticisms. I'm sure a lot of other folks in education have had this problem before. I think the reason that I'm having a hard time is that I'm pretty sure of my ability to do these things through my body language, facial expressions and tone of voice, but none of those things count online.
If I could only use my LJ icons to convey my emotional state for each powerpoint slide. Oh well. Even that's a bit of a blunt instrument.
On top of that is my own sense that as far as many Chinese people are concerned, I've been out of the fold for quite some time, and I'm not just talking about my "alternative lifestyle" engagement with black people and black cultures.
For so many Chinese families, material wealth was and is incredibly important. Culturally this derives from the fact that wealth was security and from the fact that historically, very few Chinese families actually had security. Famines were endemic in many parts of China. Behaviors that by Western standards are pretty ruthless and uncaring were routine: Your family was the only thing that mattered, and anything that happened to anyone outside the family meant more for us, so you actually were meant to feel a little bit glad if the neighbor's house burned down, especially if they were in the same line of business as you.
These are just two places where I personally part company with what passes for "mainstream" Chinese culture. We won't even go into classism, sexism, racism and homophobia.
So I have to deal with my own sense of separation from certain stereotypically aspects of "Chinese culture" as well as my political differences with a fair majority of the people who identify as "Chinese".
From a fairly young age, I had to learn that my people were not "my" people, unless I stayed in lock step with some pretty frakked up shit. So I had to brush them off my shoulders and learn how to do it on my own. And mostly I'm actually glad of that.
But every now and then, the monsters lurch out of the Bat Cave. And this summer looks like being one of them. And to mix my movie metaphors:
"The truth is that you're the weak, and I'm the tyranny of evil men, But I'm trying Ringo, I'm trying real hard, to be the shepherd".
Not that it's a perfect analogy: There's only so far that you could characterize the place where I work as a cog in the machinery of the tyranny of evil men. There are many far better candidates. But there is something of the truth in that characterization.
Partly it's also because the subject matter: "Chinese society and culture" is very very close to home. And in some ways I think, a little too close to home.
For the record, I have no problem with being analytical about my own people. When I was studying in China, my other foreign-student friends used to comment that I was really "anti-Chinese" because I would be so critical about things that I perceived as wrong about the social politics of Chinese society in the PRC as I understood it.
Striking the right balance between "Chinese people are number one!" and "those bloody Chinese", especially for undergraduates some of whom already have pretty set in stone ideas about the PRC, is proving to be very difficult for me in an online environment.
It's hard to be sure that I've conveyed my own default love for my people along with my criticisms. I'm sure a lot of other folks in education have had this problem before. I think the reason that I'm having a hard time is that I'm pretty sure of my ability to do these things through my body language, facial expressions and tone of voice, but none of those things count online.
If I could only use my LJ icons to convey my emotional state for each powerpoint slide. Oh well. Even that's a bit of a blunt instrument.
On top of that is my own sense that as far as many Chinese people are concerned, I've been out of the fold for quite some time, and I'm not just talking about my "alternative lifestyle" engagement with black people and black cultures.
For so many Chinese families, material wealth was and is incredibly important. Culturally this derives from the fact that wealth was security and from the fact that historically, very few Chinese families actually had security. Famines were endemic in many parts of China. Behaviors that by Western standards are pretty ruthless and uncaring were routine: Your family was the only thing that mattered, and anything that happened to anyone outside the family meant more for us, so you actually were meant to feel a little bit glad if the neighbor's house burned down, especially if they were in the same line of business as you.
These are just two places where I personally part company with what passes for "mainstream" Chinese culture. We won't even go into classism, sexism, racism and homophobia.
So I have to deal with my own sense of separation from certain stereotypically aspects of "Chinese culture" as well as my political differences with a fair majority of the people who identify as "Chinese".
From a fairly young age, I had to learn that my people were not "my" people, unless I stayed in lock step with some pretty frakked up shit. So I had to brush them off my shoulders and learn how to do it on my own. And mostly I'm actually glad of that.
But every now and then, the monsters lurch out of the Bat Cave. And this summer looks like being one of them. And to mix my movie metaphors:
"The truth is that you're the weak, and I'm the tyranny of evil men, But I'm trying Ringo, I'm trying real hard, to be the shepherd".
Not that it's a perfect analogy: There's only so far that you could characterize the place where I work as a cog in the machinery of the tyranny of evil men. There are many far better candidates. But there is something of the truth in that characterization.