Thinking about passion...

[ezumien]

This illusion we have of being alone is a frightening and oft reoccurring figment of the mind. I am always thinking of myself being with one person. I imagine the experiences and things we would do together. Later on I look back with a range of emotions on all of these various encounters. Some encounters can be dangerous like those sexual fantasies

Comments

[coasterchick1]

i'm not sure that i agree with you.

i know that i have passion. remembering unrequited passion does teach me something, but these days, the "sweetness" in those once bitersweet memories is non-existant. in some cases, only the pain remains. granted, that's not always the case, but it with certain people.
there are few benefits in lingering on those moments. yet, for some reason, i find it nearly impossible to forget, and equally difficult to convince myself that the objects of my unrequited passion are no longer important to me. some of those people are no longer dear to my heart, however, sometimes i think i'm just lying to myself in hopes that i can ease the pain. not the healthiest thing in the world for me to do, but being aware of the problem is the first step in fixing it.
i have come to accept that my affections... and sometimes love... was unreciprocated. i was just too blind to see that. accepting that has definitely taught me something, but that doesn't make it any easier to cope.

now that i've learned my lesson, the question is, how do i take that knowledge and prevent it from happening again... without pushing people away, making my future relationship suffer, and being afraid to love.

[ezumien]

It's so hard to tackle something like this so I'm just going to plunge in somewhere. What you said about affections and love being unreciprocated...yes. I agree that it is within acceptance but I'd like to examine what you said about coping with such a thing. I think part of what I wanted to get at here was putting a very positive spin on what might be unreciprocated love. However being so optimistic it almost seems that there has to be that one shining moment where the love or affection is equal and flowing back and forth before it is utterly shattered for whatever reason. Maybe that is what passion is? That (very ideal) moment when there is love and affection on an even playing field. It is just so hard to say because as I ask my self these questions fifteen more arise immediately, each going in its own direction. To take a personal aside, maybe I just haven't been burned so badly or maybe I've just been choosing wisely thusfar... I know I certainly was headed down the wrong trail recently and I have some potential regrets... However I don't merely intend to say I have no regrets I intend to try to live with no regrets (a lofty, unattainable goal I know...) I know everything I write is mostly idealistic but imagine if you were able to treasure a small moment with each person you had passion with, a moment that mattered. Ok and then fuck all of those other moments of passion, if they were painful then why are you still calling them passion? If you can more clearly define passion then maybe that is the answer...