TRUE HORRIFYING TALES of parent-teacher conferences
"Who's next?" she thundered, stalking towards my table.
I stood up and extended my hand. "I'm Lucas Walker--we've met before--I teach science," I managed, keeping my cool at first.
"Mm-hm. What do you have to say for YOURself?" We sat down.
"Well... the main problem with showing you [kid]'s grades right now is that he just hasn't turned in very much work," I began, turning the computer screen towards her so she could see the "54%" next to her son's name.
"Why is this the first I've heard of this?" she snapped--not to me, but to my principal, who had walked up behind my right shoulder. "People have been calling this whole year about [kid]'s behavior, and nobody thought to tell me that he was failing! I would think it would be important to SOMEONE here that [kid] hasn't been 'doing any work.'"
Slightly stunned by the unrestrained vitriol, I stammered, "Uh... well, it's not that he hasn't been doing anything at all, but that his work has been very inconsistent. After all, he has a fifty, not a zero."
"You've called me about his behavior, but all I've heard from you teachers is '[kid] is BRILLIANT! [Kid] understands EVERYTHING!' How convenient that he's been failing this entire time and nobody gives a damn!"
"Well, now, I don't think that's entirely fair. Remember the last time we spoke on the phone I said--"
"Yeah, you were on speakerphone with my sister, [the kid], and his uncle all in the room, so TREAD LIGHTLY!"
"Ah... I said, my main concern with his behavior that day was that I asked him at the end of class what we had done, and he couldn't even tell me the name of the study technique we were practicing."
"But that's only one day!"
"I, er... guess I assumed you understood I was speaking in general about how his inconsistent behavior was affecting his coursework."
"Yeah, well, the day that I came and sat next to him in class he understood everything! So you have one and I have one," she barreled on, triumphantly.
"Well," I replied, "that's fifty percent."
I stood up and extended my hand. "I'm Lucas Walker--we've met before--I teach science," I managed, keeping my cool at first.
"Mm-hm. What do you have to say for YOURself?" We sat down.
"Well... the main problem with showing you [kid]'s grades right now is that he just hasn't turned in very much work," I began, turning the computer screen towards her so she could see the "54%" next to her son's name.
"Why is this the first I've heard of this?" she snapped--not to me, but to my principal, who had walked up behind my right shoulder. "People have been calling this whole year about [kid]'s behavior, and nobody thought to tell me that he was failing! I would think it would be important to SOMEONE here that [kid] hasn't been 'doing any work.'"
Slightly stunned by the unrestrained vitriol, I stammered, "Uh... well, it's not that he hasn't been doing anything at all, but that his work has been very inconsistent. After all, he has a fifty, not a zero."
"You've called me about his behavior, but all I've heard from you teachers is '[kid] is BRILLIANT! [Kid] understands EVERYTHING!' How convenient that he's been failing this entire time and nobody gives a damn!"
"Well, now, I don't think that's entirely fair. Remember the last time we spoke on the phone I said--"
"Yeah, you were on speakerphone with my sister, [the kid], and his uncle all in the room, so TREAD LIGHTLY!"
"Ah... I said, my main concern with his behavior that day was that I asked him at the end of class what we had done, and he couldn't even tell me the name of the study technique we were practicing."
"But that's only one day!"
"I, er... guess I assumed you understood I was speaking in general about how his inconsistent behavior was affecting his coursework."
"Yeah, well, the day that I came and sat next to him in class he understood everything! So you have one and I have one," she barreled on, triumphantly.
"Well," I replied, "that's fifty percent."