And with this christmas wish is missed...
So it's the end of Christmas day for 2006.
I haven't posted on my livejournal for over 4 months now I think.
Guess I lost interest. Or something.
So i've been thinking all day...about last christmas, and this past year gone. what i've achieved. what I haven't achieved. choices i've made. choices I haven't made.
I've felt like this year has been one of the most spiritually dry seasons i've ever had. And it's still not over. I don't think i've ever felt so departed or distant from God in all my years of being a christian.
There still seems to be an enormous amount of pain that still dwells in me. I'm not sure how to deal with it or get over it. It is amazing how people can let you down... How much I've let people down, and probably have no idea how, when or where. I guess it's one of those things like the faults in ourselves that we don't see.
Alone but never alone.
I feel like it's almost impossible to feel never alone.
I'm sick of everything. Church for one thing. I'm really really tired of the christian bull crap that people believe/think/follow. As scott bell would put it "The Christian Club Crap"
I am amazed at how some people could be so blind as to manipulate who God truely is for their own benefit. things like "Well God did this!" ...no he didn't. if he did then why is it that for many other people who don't follow God they achieved exactly the same thing you have achieved without his help?
You've been watered down.
I've heard of people who live in houses made of mud. every other day the military comes in and pours boiling water down their throats, takes them to prison and tortures them, forces them into slavery...why? simply because they believe in Jesus christ as the risen lord and saviour who redeems them to the father...the one and only true God.
and because of their sufferings, they praise God with every ounce of strength and with every piece of their whole heart for this.
And they keep going.
they won't stop.
Even if God does nothing...they keep going.
I wish I knew God like they do...
They have what we all don't...
I think i've blabbed for long enough...
I haven't posted on my livejournal for over 4 months now I think.
Guess I lost interest. Or something.
So i've been thinking all day...about last christmas, and this past year gone. what i've achieved. what I haven't achieved. choices i've made. choices I haven't made.
I've felt like this year has been one of the most spiritually dry seasons i've ever had. And it's still not over. I don't think i've ever felt so departed or distant from God in all my years of being a christian.
There still seems to be an enormous amount of pain that still dwells in me. I'm not sure how to deal with it or get over it. It is amazing how people can let you down... How much I've let people down, and probably have no idea how, when or where. I guess it's one of those things like the faults in ourselves that we don't see.
Alone but never alone.
I feel like it's almost impossible to feel never alone.
I'm sick of everything. Church for one thing. I'm really really tired of the christian bull crap that people believe/think/follow. As scott bell would put it "The Christian Club Crap"
I am amazed at how some people could be so blind as to manipulate who God truely is for their own benefit. things like "Well God did this!" ...no he didn't. if he did then why is it that for many other people who don't follow God they achieved exactly the same thing you have achieved without his help?
You've been watered down.
I've heard of people who live in houses made of mud. every other day the military comes in and pours boiling water down their throats, takes them to prison and tortures them, forces them into slavery...why? simply because they believe in Jesus christ as the risen lord and saviour who redeems them to the father...the one and only true God.
and because of their sufferings, they praise God with every ounce of strength and with every piece of their whole heart for this.
And they keep going.
they won't stop.
Even if God does nothing...they keep going.
I wish I knew God like they do...
They have what we all don't...
I think i've blabbed for long enough...