(no subject)
Sometimes I just wish people actually cared.
Did you ever think that maybe half my problem is really you? and the decision(s) you've made that in turn affects everyone around you, me inclusive.
Maybe I'm just selfish?
So if that's the case then be depressed and say nothing forever?
"I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it"
I've given up handing it out though, because you never did take it. besides you and everyone else telling me that "you're a great guy"...when really I can't be so great because you don't want to really know me anymore. continuely wishing that something would happen that would make me hate you so that you could blame me, yet another person, as to the crap going on in your life.
And you said he really cared about you?
besides that...Sometimes I wish that you would actually care rather than actually worrying about yourself so much. maybe you don't realise you're doing it, but you're not the only one going through that stuff you know.
Maybe I am just selfish and bitter?
Maybe no one really does care, and they'll read this and think "meh he's just being emo and stupid. his life isn't that bad"
no it's not. but you do a good job at making it worse for me.
I just wished you cared like you said you would. You'll never change.
Apparently life isn't all about me.
But that's the problem. It never is.
And you...I can't even explain how you make me feel. You make me feel loved but at the same time I feel like it's some sort of cheap imitation and not the real thing. and for some reason I guess because I want it so bad I'm forever searching to get that love from you. Because it feels like that's all I can get.
Everyone else I've ever cared about...they never cared the same way back...if they cared at all.
And I'm still this great guy? but you'd rather be with him?
Thanks. I feel great about being who I am now.
And I'm sorry guys...But all of this and about 10 million other things has just gotten to me and i'm exhausted.
Supposedily I worry about it all the time? maybe I do. I'm not desperate...I just want that dream so bad. and to have someone I can love.
but for some strange reason...this is my head talking. and maybe the bitterness of my heart. But the true desire of my heart is to sit and search for God. be after his heart. This is my whole and true desire. But it's like God isn't even really here in this land. I can't say I blame him. All I want is to draw nearer and nearer...but I feel like my heart is always tugging back and not really wanting to go that deep into you God. why is this? Is this because you've hardened my heart just like you hardened pharoahs heart? is there some purpose in this? Does this make me a fake and hypocritical christian? a sinner bonded to a life and world of sin? how can these chains be broken?
Why is it that when i've prayed for those chains to be broken, it's never happened? Is it because my heart is so hard it refuses to run to you? I feel like this is the case
This is pretty much everything going through my head right now.
Did you ever think that maybe half my problem is really you? and the decision(s) you've made that in turn affects everyone around you, me inclusive.
Maybe I'm just selfish?
So if that's the case then be depressed and say nothing forever?
"I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it"
I've given up handing it out though, because you never did take it. besides you and everyone else telling me that "you're a great guy"...when really I can't be so great because you don't want to really know me anymore. continuely wishing that something would happen that would make me hate you so that you could blame me, yet another person, as to the crap going on in your life.
And you said he really cared about you?
besides that...Sometimes I wish that you would actually care rather than actually worrying about yourself so much. maybe you don't realise you're doing it, but you're not the only one going through that stuff you know.
Maybe I am just selfish and bitter?
Maybe no one really does care, and they'll read this and think "meh he's just being emo and stupid. his life isn't that bad"
no it's not. but you do a good job at making it worse for me.
I just wished you cared like you said you would. You'll never change.
Apparently life isn't all about me.
But that's the problem. It never is.
And you...I can't even explain how you make me feel. You make me feel loved but at the same time I feel like it's some sort of cheap imitation and not the real thing. and for some reason I guess because I want it so bad I'm forever searching to get that love from you. Because it feels like that's all I can get.
Everyone else I've ever cared about...they never cared the same way back...if they cared at all.
And I'm still this great guy? but you'd rather be with him?
Thanks. I feel great about being who I am now.
And I'm sorry guys...But all of this and about 10 million other things has just gotten to me and i'm exhausted.
Supposedily I worry about it all the time? maybe I do. I'm not desperate...I just want that dream so bad. and to have someone I can love.
but for some strange reason...this is my head talking. and maybe the bitterness of my heart. But the true desire of my heart is to sit and search for God. be after his heart. This is my whole and true desire. But it's like God isn't even really here in this land. I can't say I blame him. All I want is to draw nearer and nearer...but I feel like my heart is always tugging back and not really wanting to go that deep into you God. why is this? Is this because you've hardened my heart just like you hardened pharoahs heart? is there some purpose in this? Does this make me a fake and hypocritical christian? a sinner bonded to a life and world of sin? how can these chains be broken?
Why is it that when i've prayed for those chains to be broken, it's never happened? Is it because my heart is so hard it refuses to run to you? I feel like this is the case
This is pretty much everything going through my head right now.