(no subject)
(Nasos is rapt in a book by Daniel Goleman entitled Emotional Intelligence. He is sunken in his sofa, in the living room of of the new house he just moved in. He is halfway through the book when he senses another presence in the room. It is on his right, out of his view. Nasos emerges from his sofa and places the book on the table in front of him, where he was resting his legs. He turns his head to his right and sees a human figure occupying his couch. The figure is not actually human, it is human-like. It is liquid-ish and transparent. It also has a comet-like tail at its back that is light blue/purple in color. Bright currents of electricity run through the tail. The figure has its elbows placed on his knees and holds its head in its hands, looking down. Its hair is long and gray and covers his hands. Nasos immediately stands up and moves a couple of meters away from the figure.)
NASOS
You must be a…
(NASOS starts making clumsy karate moves followed by the necessary vocal orchestration.)
NASOS
Yaaaaaaaaaaaa, ssssssssaiiiiiiiiiiiii-HA!
(The figure doesn’t seem to move. NASOS continues making karate moves and sounds. He stands on one leg, while the other one is extended towards the figure.)
NASOS
Namaihaaaaaaaaaaaaa-sssssssseeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiii-HO! This is the Pissing Vulture attack!
(The figure doesn’t move. Nasos lowers his leg and looks entranced. He starts speaking in an incoherent language that is a mixture of all the languages he knows, either by experience or by watching the TV. He uses his voice in a way that reminds of a record player spinning very fast and then very slow and then very fast again; a loop sound. After half a minute of his vocal attack and while the figure hasn’t yet moved he stops.)
NASOS
Aah, I had promised myself that I would do this if I ever met a ghost, but you my friend are totally uncool, sitting there as if you’re undergoing a rigor mortis phase. I mean, I’m sure you’re dead, but aren’t ghosts supposed to move and hover and stuff?
(The figure doesn’t move. Nasos sits on the arm of his sofa, in a supposedly safe distance from the figure.)
NASOS
So, is this what you’re going to do? Sit there facing the floor all the time? Man, you ghosts are boring. Say what, why don’t you try to move a finger?
(The figure doesn’t move.)
NASOS
Hellooooooooooooooooo? Anyone there? Pft! You are a boring ghost!
(The figure doesn’t move but its tail is generating a buzzing sound. Nasos gulps but doesn’t give up.)
NASOS
You see, I always believed that ghosts stay in the world of the living because they had unfinished business left. But you’re a disgrace to ghosts, you COUCH POTATO!
(The buzzing gets louder. The figure raises its head slowly. Nasos stands up again and walks backwards in reverse while not taking his eyes off the figure. He sees that the figure has a pale face and it is wrinkled, just like its hands. It looks straight towards Nasos. Its eyes are completely black and mesmerizing and its face doesn’t show the slightest hint of an expression.)
NASOS
Well, hello there, finally.
FIGURE
Why are you here?
(Its voice sounds loud in Nasos’ head. It sounds as if it is coming from somewhere very deep and as if it is applying a delay effect on the word “here”. Nasos looks perplexed and responds in a seemingly angry manner.)
NASOS
What do you mean by why am I here? It is my house!
FIGURE
Why are you here? (Ten-second pause) What brings you here, my son?
(The delay in each sentence’s last word continues.)
NASOS
ARE YOU DAFT?! This is my house and I am not your son! My father’s still alive!
FIGURE
Oh, yes you are.
NASOS
That’s it! Get out of my house at once you Alzheimer-stricken excuse of a ghost!
(The figure wears a face of anger and insult. The buzzing of its tail gets even louder. It stands up, while not touching the ground, and moves slowly towards Nasos, while not moving its feet. Nasos reemploys the Pissing Vulture position. The figure is not a few inches away from Nasos. It looks him right in the eyes and no one moves for half a minute. Nasos thinks that he sees entire complexes of universes in the figure’s eyes. The figure forms a hint of a smile on its lips. The buzz subsides in an almost inaudible electric murmur.)
FIGURE
You are funny, my son.
(Nasos wheezes in alleviation.)
FIGURE
Sit down, my son.
(Nasos sits down on the sofa offishly.)
FIGURE
Good.
(The figure returns to its previous sitting position, while moving none of its members.)
FIGURE
So, you don’t know why you are here.
(Nasos recaptures his sense of composure.)
NASOS
Um…, no, obviously.
FIGURE
You are a tool but not an item.
NASOS
You mean like an organic screwdriver?
FIGURE
Stop.
NASOS
Stop what?
(The buzz is starting to get loud again.)
FIGURE
Stop!
(Nasos doesn’t move or talk for a few moments and then the buzz gets lost in the background again.)
NASOS
What is your name old man?
FIGURE
You can call me Hypersyntelikos.
NASOS
OK, mister Hypersyntelikos. So, would you be kind enough to let me know why am I here?
HYPERSYNTELIKOS
Remember the mention you made to unfinished businesses?
NASOS
Indeed I do.
HYPERSYNTELIKOS
Well then, you are my tool.
NASOS
You mean as in…
HYPERSYNTELIKOS
Stop?
NASOS
Oh, okay, okay.
HYPERSYNTELIKOS
So, let me tell you a story…
NASOS
You must be a…
(NASOS starts making clumsy karate moves followed by the necessary vocal orchestration.)
NASOS
Yaaaaaaaaaaaa, ssssssssaiiiiiiiiiiiii-HA!
(The figure doesn’t seem to move. NASOS continues making karate moves and sounds. He stands on one leg, while the other one is extended towards the figure.)
NASOS
Namaihaaaaaaaaaaaaa-sssssssseeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiii-HO! This is the Pissing Vulture attack!
(The figure doesn’t move. Nasos lowers his leg and looks entranced. He starts speaking in an incoherent language that is a mixture of all the languages he knows, either by experience or by watching the TV. He uses his voice in a way that reminds of a record player spinning very fast and then very slow and then very fast again; a loop sound. After half a minute of his vocal attack and while the figure hasn’t yet moved he stops.)
NASOS
Aah, I had promised myself that I would do this if I ever met a ghost, but you my friend are totally uncool, sitting there as if you’re undergoing a rigor mortis phase. I mean, I’m sure you’re dead, but aren’t ghosts supposed to move and hover and stuff?
(The figure doesn’t move. Nasos sits on the arm of his sofa, in a supposedly safe distance from the figure.)
NASOS
So, is this what you’re going to do? Sit there facing the floor all the time? Man, you ghosts are boring. Say what, why don’t you try to move a finger?
(The figure doesn’t move.)
NASOS
Hellooooooooooooooooo? Anyone there? Pft! You are a boring ghost!
(The figure doesn’t move but its tail is generating a buzzing sound. Nasos gulps but doesn’t give up.)
NASOS
You see, I always believed that ghosts stay in the world of the living because they had unfinished business left. But you’re a disgrace to ghosts, you COUCH POTATO!
(The buzzing gets louder. The figure raises its head slowly. Nasos stands up again and walks backwards in reverse while not taking his eyes off the figure. He sees that the figure has a pale face and it is wrinkled, just like its hands. It looks straight towards Nasos. Its eyes are completely black and mesmerizing and its face doesn’t show the slightest hint of an expression.)
NASOS
Well, hello there, finally.
FIGURE
Why are you here?
(Its voice sounds loud in Nasos’ head. It sounds as if it is coming from somewhere very deep and as if it is applying a delay effect on the word “here”. Nasos looks perplexed and responds in a seemingly angry manner.)
NASOS
What do you mean by why am I here? It is my house!
FIGURE
Why are you here? (Ten-second pause) What brings you here, my son?
(The delay in each sentence’s last word continues.)
NASOS
ARE YOU DAFT?! This is my house and I am not your son! My father’s still alive!
FIGURE
Oh, yes you are.
NASOS
That’s it! Get out of my house at once you Alzheimer-stricken excuse of a ghost!
(The figure wears a face of anger and insult. The buzzing of its tail gets even louder. It stands up, while not touching the ground, and moves slowly towards Nasos, while not moving its feet. Nasos reemploys the Pissing Vulture position. The figure is not a few inches away from Nasos. It looks him right in the eyes and no one moves for half a minute. Nasos thinks that he sees entire complexes of universes in the figure’s eyes. The figure forms a hint of a smile on its lips. The buzz subsides in an almost inaudible electric murmur.)
FIGURE
You are funny, my son.
(Nasos wheezes in alleviation.)
FIGURE
Sit down, my son.
(Nasos sits down on the sofa offishly.)
FIGURE
Good.
(The figure returns to its previous sitting position, while moving none of its members.)
FIGURE
So, you don’t know why you are here.
(Nasos recaptures his sense of composure.)
NASOS
Um…, no, obviously.
FIGURE
You are a tool but not an item.
NASOS
You mean like an organic screwdriver?
FIGURE
Stop.
NASOS
Stop what?
(The buzz is starting to get loud again.)
FIGURE
Stop!
(Nasos doesn’t move or talk for a few moments and then the buzz gets lost in the background again.)
NASOS
What is your name old man?
FIGURE
You can call me Hypersyntelikos.
NASOS
OK, mister Hypersyntelikos. So, would you be kind enough to let me know why am I here?
HYPERSYNTELIKOS
Remember the mention you made to unfinished businesses?
NASOS
Indeed I do.
HYPERSYNTELIKOS
Well then, you are my tool.
NASOS
You mean as in…
HYPERSYNTELIKOS
Stop?
NASOS
Oh, okay, okay.
HYPERSYNTELIKOS
So, let me tell you a story…