Food For Life
My mom's moving up here on Saturday and then and only then will things begin to feel a little bit more comfortable.
Own bedroom. New bed. New shit. New apartment.
I'm on this new wave with Mark right now. And a part of me is telling me that it's not right to feel this way, but I'm pretty sure it's the inescure, I-love-you-regardless Fernando that is making me feel this. But, I feel that Mark has regressed in the way he acts, age-wise. These past few weeks, specifically, have seen him become an even bigger and careless and dirtier slob. Untidy is not even the cocrrect word. And what he had intended to be a bright new semester full of academic accomplishments (to some degree, i.e. such as actually attending his classes), seems to not quite reach the bar that even he put out for himself.
I sat down with him a few days ago and told him straight-up: "Mark, you're not fourteen-years-old anymore. You do abosulutely nothing with your life. You don't care for anything. All you do is smoke pot and lounge around the apartment. Do you h ave any goals in life? Do you want to succeed in anything?"
Seriously. He goes to community college in Tribeca- he's got more time than he can ever ask for! However, his bedroom is a fucking pig-sty, the apartment cannot be walked around in barefoot because you're feet will turn black with dirt...I could go on with a list of things. He settles for the minimum. Doesn't care much to achieve anything. And even his plans with me hardly ever even go through.
When venting to my mom about it, her voice on the phone, always asks me while I'm still around him. And I'm still stuck on him, because we love each other. But, whereas I am willing to accept that he's rather untidy in the way he treats his own life in general, I dont' see him accomodating himself to me. In any way. Therefore, it's one of those weird cards you get that you don't really know how to play.
I mean...it just sucks that I can't really expect much frrm my boyfriend. Except money, food, and sex. Andthat's not why I'm choosing to stay in this relationship.
My co-worker, a fellow Argentinian, tells me, from meeting him and hearing my sob stories that I'm too mature for him.
Of course I am. I'm not the dirty slob that just sits around getting high off daddy's money.
Own bedroom. New bed. New shit. New apartment.
I'm on this new wave with Mark right now. And a part of me is telling me that it's not right to feel this way, but I'm pretty sure it's the inescure, I-love-you-regardless Fernando that is making me feel this. But, I feel that Mark has regressed in the way he acts, age-wise. These past few weeks, specifically, have seen him become an even bigger and careless and dirtier slob. Untidy is not even the cocrrect word. And what he had intended to be a bright new semester full of academic accomplishments (to some degree, i.e. such as actually attending his classes), seems to not quite reach the bar that even he put out for himself.
I sat down with him a few days ago and told him straight-up: "Mark, you're not fourteen-years-old anymore. You do abosulutely nothing with your life. You don't care for anything. All you do is smoke pot and lounge around the apartment. Do you h ave any goals in life? Do you want to succeed in anything?"
Seriously. He goes to community college in Tribeca- he's got more time than he can ever ask for! However, his bedroom is a fucking pig-sty, the apartment cannot be walked around in barefoot because you're feet will turn black with dirt...I could go on with a list of things. He settles for the minimum. Doesn't care much to achieve anything. And even his plans with me hardly ever even go through.
When venting to my mom about it, her voice on the phone, always asks me while I'm still around him. And I'm still stuck on him, because we love each other. But, whereas I am willing to accept that he's rather untidy in the way he treats his own life in general, I dont' see him accomodating himself to me. In any way. Therefore, it's one of those weird cards you get that you don't really know how to play.
I mean...it just sucks that I can't really expect much frrm my boyfriend. Except money, food, and sex. Andthat's not why I'm choosing to stay in this relationship.
My co-worker, a fellow Argentinian, tells me, from meeting him and hearing my sob stories that I'm too mature for him.
Of course I am. I'm not the dirty slob that just sits around getting high off daddy's money.