Lets dump out all of our feelings into one blockbuster on an entry
Okay...as most of you know, i have a boyfriend. YAY! We've kissed a few times but i know he wants to go beyond just normal little kisses and into more of the makeout kinda stuff. I dunno if i wanna do that... at least not right now. Frenching tends to lead to feeling up and i KNOW i don't want that. Advice time: how do you tell a guy that you don't wanna go any further right now? when do you tell him? when he tries it or before he tries it? Any responses???
thats me... i am a less than perfect guy, my name is not jeff, i wanted to keep this account a secret but i needed a second account... it has come in handy...( ok, off topic...) ok, i hope that leah can talk to me, i love her so much... i only want to go further if she is ready, is she isnt, neither am i. Leah, if you read this... i love you. i truly do. i want to be as close to perfect as possible, but you has to realize that we gotta talk about our problems, so we can get them outta the way. anyways... She cant just lie her way outta things.. like today i was talking to her on AIM and we got to a part that i figured out that something still bugged her and i asked her what it was and she said " idk" i knew she knew... she knew i knew that she knew...but she said " i just dont know how to word it..." but she knew exactly how to word it... " derek, i just dont want to go further in our relationship, not yet" o well, she wasnt ready and i know she did want to make things unconfortable at the new years party.
Speaking of Party, that was a little weird. i was glad to see derek D. again. he seemed like a pretty cool guy, we hung out a lot. and i showed him that i wasnt a total jerk. but other than that i accually didnt see leah a lot she was with robin and derek the whole time... i dunno i felt weird the whole time... i felt like a fourth wheel... so me and chris kinda did our own thing... COME ON IT IS THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR AND I CANT EVEN SPEND IT WITH THE GIRL I LOVE! how sad. but it is just as my fault as it is hers. o well... bummer. well we had a walk with her and that went good. but at the end i wanted to kiss her so i could just get rid of all the jealous feelings inside of my body... but she said " o please we are a church" O well... i guess some jealous bugs still float inside me still... i know she loves me and would never leave me for another guy. yay! i am so emo right now... i hate being emo... it is almost 2:00 and i am going to stay up all night thinking of her and how bad of a boyfriend i have been and it is only 3 full days into our relationship... drama drama. *sigh*. I have never really been the jealous type i just get mad because i give the benifit of the doubt to the one i want to belive... so for example... tonight... Derek D. was flirting with leah, i know he likes her and all but she doesnt like him back, but i just was being torn apart when i saw it. i didnt care if she was flirting back are turning the shoulder, i was mad at derek, he knew she was taken... wow i guess i was jealoous... i just wanted to be with her.
Tomorrow we are going to see a movie... me, leah, derek, and robin.i can just hope me and leah can express our relationship. we dont have to do anything she is unconfortable with i just want to hold her and rest my head on her shoulder when i am tired. thats all i ask. o well i never get what i want...
Other than that me and Leah Green got into a fight... it was sad... i am just so mad that people tell her all these bad things about me and 90% of them are not even close to the truth, just a bunch of crap. o makes me so mad. she will never forgive me for these rumors... and if she belives these rumors, gets mad at me for them, and them hates me for them, and wont ever forgive me for them... i dunno what to think of that... so me and her went our seperate ways, but i want her to still be my friend... hopefully she will be my friend.
That is why i am in love with Leah B. i have never met a more amazing girl. o geeze dont even get me started.... she is a beautiful girl... i just love to stare at her beauty when she isnt looking...(shhh...). she is a very talented flute player and she is an amazing singer. her grades are flawless. she wants to go to ucla to become a lazer eye sergent. wow, that just blows me away. her family is really cool too. I can relate to her brother through video games. her mom really likes my trumpet playing and my pink tie. yay so i think i got off to a good atart with her, and her dad is a lot like me, he likes to make silly jokes and just kick back and enjoy life. and when i ate over at her house for dinner, it might not of been a big deal for them, but i never eat with a family. i always eat by myself. i pray before i eat by myself, i clean up by myself... i guess eating with a family really meant a lot to me. I as you all kinow i love ddr. i spend 3 hours a day on it. and i know leah likes video games like me and we can play ddr together! yay. But, i wanna hit the topic of how she is very indecisive, i know that she has an idea of what she wants to do but she never tells me and i have to pick something to do. it is weird... i guess i dont mind but it is sorta a pet peve of mine. i want to agree on something not just mope about coming up with things to do all night. but still, i want to spent as much time with her as posssible, even if that means choosing places to go most of the time.
School starts soon... yay... i cant wait, i hope me and leah can really express our relationship at school. This is where relationships get really hard... i have so many friends that call me up wanting to do something. and they all look up to me so i cant ditch them, either during lunch or during the weekends... but i waqnt to be with leah... o geeze i guess i will figure out something... well i hope leah can tutor me in chemestry... because i know i will need it.
I still need to tell my mom we are dating... she has just been so mad at me these past few days... it bugs me.. and if you havent noticed... i dont see her much... wow i have typed a lot... a lot of feeling have been brought out. so Leah if you have any "i wonders" hope this answers them. if not feel free to talk to me about them. and I love you.
Derek.
thats me... i am a less than perfect guy, my name is not jeff, i wanted to keep this account a secret but i needed a second account... it has come in handy...( ok, off topic...) ok, i hope that leah can talk to me, i love her so much... i only want to go further if she is ready, is she isnt, neither am i. Leah, if you read this... i love you. i truly do. i want to be as close to perfect as possible, but you has to realize that we gotta talk about our problems, so we can get them outta the way. anyways... She cant just lie her way outta things.. like today i was talking to her on AIM and we got to a part that i figured out that something still bugged her and i asked her what it was and she said " idk" i knew she knew... she knew i knew that she knew...but she said " i just dont know how to word it..." but she knew exactly how to word it... " derek, i just dont want to go further in our relationship, not yet" o well, she wasnt ready and i know she did want to make things unconfortable at the new years party.
Speaking of Party, that was a little weird. i was glad to see derek D. again. he seemed like a pretty cool guy, we hung out a lot. and i showed him that i wasnt a total jerk. but other than that i accually didnt see leah a lot she was with robin and derek the whole time... i dunno i felt weird the whole time... i felt like a fourth wheel... so me and chris kinda did our own thing... COME ON IT IS THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR AND I CANT EVEN SPEND IT WITH THE GIRL I LOVE! how sad. but it is just as my fault as it is hers. o well... bummer. well we had a walk with her and that went good. but at the end i wanted to kiss her so i could just get rid of all the jealous feelings inside of my body... but she said " o please we are a church" O well... i guess some jealous bugs still float inside me still... i know she loves me and would never leave me for another guy. yay! i am so emo right now... i hate being emo... it is almost 2:00 and i am going to stay up all night thinking of her and how bad of a boyfriend i have been and it is only 3 full days into our relationship... drama drama. *sigh*. I have never really been the jealous type i just get mad because i give the benifit of the doubt to the one i want to belive... so for example... tonight... Derek D. was flirting with leah, i know he likes her and all but she doesnt like him back, but i just was being torn apart when i saw it. i didnt care if she was flirting back are turning the shoulder, i was mad at derek, he knew she was taken... wow i guess i was jealoous... i just wanted to be with her.
Tomorrow we are going to see a movie... me, leah, derek, and robin.i can just hope me and leah can express our relationship. we dont have to do anything she is unconfortable with i just want to hold her and rest my head on her shoulder when i am tired. thats all i ask. o well i never get what i want...
Other than that me and Leah Green got into a fight... it was sad... i am just so mad that people tell her all these bad things about me and 90% of them are not even close to the truth, just a bunch of crap. o makes me so mad. she will never forgive me for these rumors... and if she belives these rumors, gets mad at me for them, and them hates me for them, and wont ever forgive me for them... i dunno what to think of that... so me and her went our seperate ways, but i want her to still be my friend... hopefully she will be my friend.
That is why i am in love with Leah B. i have never met a more amazing girl. o geeze dont even get me started.... she is a beautiful girl... i just love to stare at her beauty when she isnt looking...(shhh...). she is a very talented flute player and she is an amazing singer. her grades are flawless. she wants to go to ucla to become a lazer eye sergent. wow, that just blows me away. her family is really cool too. I can relate to her brother through video games. her mom really likes my trumpet playing and my pink tie. yay so i think i got off to a good atart with her, and her dad is a lot like me, he likes to make silly jokes and just kick back and enjoy life. and when i ate over at her house for dinner, it might not of been a big deal for them, but i never eat with a family. i always eat by myself. i pray before i eat by myself, i clean up by myself... i guess eating with a family really meant a lot to me. I as you all kinow i love ddr. i spend 3 hours a day on it. and i know leah likes video games like me and we can play ddr together! yay. But, i wanna hit the topic of how she is very indecisive, i know that she has an idea of what she wants to do but she never tells me and i have to pick something to do. it is weird... i guess i dont mind but it is sorta a pet peve of mine. i want to agree on something not just mope about coming up with things to do all night. but still, i want to spent as much time with her as posssible, even if that means choosing places to go most of the time.
School starts soon... yay... i cant wait, i hope me and leah can really express our relationship at school. This is where relationships get really hard... i have so many friends that call me up wanting to do something. and they all look up to me so i cant ditch them, either during lunch or during the weekends... but i waqnt to be with leah... o geeze i guess i will figure out something... well i hope leah can tutor me in chemestry... because i know i will need it.
I still need to tell my mom we are dating... she has just been so mad at me these past few days... it bugs me.. and if you havent noticed... i dont see her much... wow i have typed a lot... a lot of feeling have been brought out. so Leah if you have any "i wonders" hope this answers them. if not feel free to talk to me about them. and I love you.
Derek.