Rumination
I seem to be expending an inordinate amount of my time ruminating - upon choices, made and unmade, of possibillities, of hopes...I'm truly stuck in a seemingly unceasing phase of paralysis by analysis. One would think I am 70 and resigned to life as it has been...rather than my usual self which would get on and try to fix the problem at hand. Risk aversion with age is an obvious trap but also, there is some deep inertia within my bones which is unlikely anything I have felt...I can feel the clock ticking away sometimes and yet I do nothing, feel nothing, just feel time slipping through my fingers, ever so wastefully...what's going on? Feeling better today having achieved one goal I had set soon after baby was born - ran the half marathon despite lack of training, time, energy, sleep etc...I just needed to complete something, achieve some target even if trivial, to feel alive again...to feel I hadn't completely lost my drive...hopefully, this marks the return of me?