To Mend a Butterfly's Broken Wing, 19: A Fresh New Start
Title: To Mend a Butterfly's Broken Wing
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, sexual situations)
Summary: After the newborn fight things take a different turn with the Volturi. Edward goes missing, the Cullen's leave to search for him, and Bella flees town from the pain of loss. Can Jacob help her deal with the grief a second time? AU, M for language, sex
*~*~*
Something in the way she moves/Attracts me like no other lover/Something in the way she woos me/I don't want to leave her now/You know I believe and how/Somewhere in her smile she knows/That I don't need no other lover
*~*~*
JPOV
My body was always heated thanks to my genetic ability to turn into a wolf, but touching Bella how I've always dreamed of touching her was enough to make me actually feel the heat burning through my body. Going to that club tonight and seeing Bella was pure coincidence, but seeing her attempting to dance with her friends had really hammered the decision home. Her dancing was lame to be sure, but the fact that she was trying and was making friends had shown me how much she was willing to try again with everything else.
I had made the decision even if I was still feeling a little gun-shy. The feel of her in my arms on the dance floor had been enough to tell me that I really wanted her, too, and having her feel the same about me had been exhilarating. I was still hurt, still a little bothered over the situation, but I knew things were improving so I let go of my inhibitions.
Just seeing Bella stretched out on our bed, rumpled and reaching for me, had done me in. She wanted to do this and all thought and reason flew right out of my head. I was stretched out on top of her, our bodies melding together, as I braced most of my weight on my arms. Her breath was coming in pants as my hands impatiently pushed her shirt up.
I had to feel every inch of her, kiss every spot I could.
We managed to wrestle the shirt over her head where I flung it across the room. My lips settled fleetingly under her ear, her jaw, alighting on the pulse point in her throat before reaching the slight swell of her breasts. Her hands were restlessly moving over my body as I pulled back to yank my own shirt off.
Little sparks of heat zapped along my nerve endings as I felt her hands slide down to grip my backside.
My hips bucked into hers again, and I reached between us to tug at her skirt. I could feel her impatience warring with mine as the wolf strained inside of me; I could barely control it.
Her hair was tangled in my hands and her lips were swollen and red from our heated kisses. I paused long enough to rip her panties off, my fingers moving quickly to that slick spot between her legs.
She cried out, "Oh God, Jake… please…" and her voice faded to a pleasure-filled moan, filling my mind and making my dick grow even harder. My finger moved, sliding around the soft folds, familiarizing myself with her. Her scent reached me and I inhaled deeply, feeling my body strain even harder.
I made quick work of my pants and they went flying over my shoulder. The need to have her was pounding through me in waves as I continued to work my fingers between her thighs, eliciting sounds from her that just fed my need even more.
I was barely clinging to my sanity already and I wasn't even inside her yet. Her bra was still on; I just shoved it up and out of my way so her perfect rosebud-tipped breasts were bare before me. Her fingers twisted in my hair when my mouth closed over one sweet nipple.
"So good…" I murmured huskily.
Her back arched as I continued to lavish licks and nips over the soft mounds. I managed to slap my hand against the nightstand, condoms buried in the corner of the drawer; my hopes from long ago now a certainty. I backed off slightly to rip open the package and slid the condom on my painfully sensitive dick.
Bella's eyes watched my every move, her little pink tongue darting out to wet her lips.
My eyes met hers, and I could see the desire in her eyes, hear her deepened breathing.
Her hands reached for me just as I pushed her thighs further apart. My hips pushed forward, feeling where her soft skin parted for me. I knew instinctively what to do.
My breathing was heavy as my lips captured hers yet again.
"Just do it," she gasped. Her legs tightened around me and I did it. I didn't pause; I just pushed myself deep into her tight, wet warmth. I felt her stiffen, whimper with pain, and I hesitated while my body begged to move.
"Bella…?"
She breathed deeply for a couple minutes and then nodded.
My hips took over as I thrust into her, the pace and the feel making me more frantic. Her tongue slid over mine and we thrust our tongues, mimicking the thrust of our hips.
I barely recognized the grunts and throaty growls coming from deep inside; and her noises spurred me on as I pinned her arms over her head. Her pale, soft skin practically glowed in the moonlight and I traced my tongue over every inch of her I could reach as our hips found the same rhythm.
My body was vibrating from her touch, her scent, her taste as I began to feel the pressure increase while Bella clenched around me. I nipped at her jaw, her lower lip, and she moaned and rocked harder.
Encouraged I began pounding my hips against hers faster and harder. "Bella…" I gasped. "Oh shit, you feel so good…"
Her head tilted back, lips parted, and I felt her convulse around me when I reached down to press against the little bundle of flesh between us. My body followed hers as she tightened even more around me; my vision hazed as sweat dripped down my temple and I felt the pressure come to a boiling point as I watched her cry out and thrash under me.
I couldn't hold back any longer and I came with a heavy force inside of her, teeth biting down between her shoulder and neck, grasping her hips and holding her against me as I thrust until I was empty.
She shook again, her body spasming.
My breath came deep and slow then as a relaxation took over my body. I gently pulled out of her, afraid I had hurt her, but she just curled into me. Her naked body pressed full-length against mine, her head on my chest, I managed to lift an arm and brush back the hair from her face.
"Bells, are you…"
She interrupted me. "I'm okay, Jake. In fact I'm much better than okay," she murmured. Mollified I wrapped my arms tightly around her and passed out.
*~*~*
BPOV
I woke to the weak light of sunshine trying to peek through the heavy clouds. A strip of it lay across the bed and so did Tinker; she was fast asleep with one paw over her nose. My leg was draped over Jake, nestled between his legs, and my head was resting on his shoulder. His other arm was draped over his stomach and his hand rested on my hip.
Memories of last night began to flash through my mind, and I became fully aware of what had occurred.
We had made love. And it had been wild and amazing.
My cheeks began to warm as I thought of more details. Jake's hands gripping my hips tightly as he came, his eyes wild with lust; his dark hair tickling my skin as he tasted me and his teeth biting down on my skin - not too hard, but not really gently either - and I felt the heat again.
Jake had to go to work in a couple hours, though, and I wanted him to rest. So even as much as I wanted him, I knew I would let him sleep. Carefully I slid out of bed, leaving Jake and our cat fast asleep. Jake flexed his arm slightly as my weight disappeared - as if searching for me - but he just gave a soft sigh and began to snore again.
I smiled and slipped into the bathroom. The area between my legs ached and I winced slightly. My eyes widened when I looked into the mirror and saw little bruises from where he had gripped my hips and there were light red marks along my jaw and a slightly bigger one on my neck.
I didn't particularly mind; I just took a careful shower and let the heat ease the aches. I towel-dried afterward, pulling my hair up into a ponytail. The closest thing to slip into was one of Jake's t-shirts, so I pulled it over my head and let it drop to my knees.
The tea kettle was set on the stove and I began to heat the water for some tea while toasting some bread. While I waited, I perched on the window seat, pulling my knees up under the shirt and against my chest as I gazed out at the little yard. It had small patches of garden for anyone who wanted to make use of it. Since it was close to spring, I decided maybe I would try planting a few things and see how it went.
I got up and ate my toast, taking my tea back to the seat with me. I began to feel drowsy again as the sun warmed my bare arm when I heard Jake behind me. "There you are," he said quietly.
I turned, a shy smile curling my lips upward. He set my tea on the little table nearby and sat across from me on the window seat. A little tug of my hand and I was on his lap, his knees bent to fit on the seat and to hold me in place. Tucked securely against him, I laid my head on his chest.
"How do you feel?" he asked as he twisted my ponytail around his fingers.
"A little sore, but happy," I said.
His lips brushed against my temple. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
I shook my head, but he caught sight of marks on my jaw and neck and his brow furrowed. "Bells…" he said as his fingers stroked lightly over the marks.
"Jake, it's fine," I said. "There was no complaining; I wanted it. I'll just put a little make-up on to cover it."
We were both quiet then and I listened to the soft, steady thumping of his heart. "We need to talk," he finally said. "Maybe after work since I really should be getting ready," he added.
I nodded, knowing it was inevitable, as he got up. He tilted my chin up and kissed me gently. "We'll go out for dinner… a real date since we did everything a little backwards."
He went upstairs to get ready and left for work. I went out and did some grocery shopping and after putting the food away I began cleaning until I had to go in to work. I was just picking up what I needed for an order that I had to fill at home, so it was a quick trip.
I tried to slink by Dana at the bakery to get what I needed, but her voice brought me up short. "Bella Swan, don't think you can fool me. You can't hide the sex walk!"
My face heated, but I turned to face her. She was grinning, her eyes lit with happiness. "Typically the girl friend code is to never leave them for a guy, but we made an exception since this was Jacob," she said grabbing my arm excitedly. "All of us were thrilled at the idea."
When I didn't say anything, she hauled me into a quiet corner. "And you had sex with him, didn't you?"
My cheeks were going to be stained permanently red if this kept up. "Yes," I mumbled. "I did."
After her cheer of happiness, she asked, "So… how was it? You don't have to give me too many details."
I knew my ears were beginning to turn red now, too. "It… it was… amazing," I whispered trying to appease her enough to stop.
Her eyes widened. "It was your first time, wasn't it?"
It took a few attempts, but my blush finally began to fade after I admitted it was and told her it had been a little wild and a little tender all at the same time. I also told her we planned on talking tonight. She finally let me go after making me promise to wear the new outfit she had made me purchase along with the undergarments, and I walked toward the door with the supplies feeling dizzy.
"Yes," I managed to say when I reached the door and turned to face all of them. "I'm sure Dana will tell you anyway, but yes, I had sex with Jacob. It was amazing," I finished and walked out the door amidst their cheers and catcalls. I couldn't help the snort of laughter as I hurried to my car.
Once I got home, I had a spur-of-the-moment idea and made peanut butter and jelly cupcakes. After I frosted the cupcakes, I inserted the jelly and then printed a letter on each of the dozen. Set up on the counter - I Love You Jake - I smiled and continued with my work order. Before long it was close to the time when Jake was due home, so I hurried upstairs to take a quick shower and change into the new outfit Dana had strong-armed me into buying.
The underwear and bra were simple, but sexy. They were a deep blue, skimpy, and had an edge of lace. The skirt was black denim with a simple trim at the bottom in deep blue and the top was a long-sleeved shirt that matched the blue and was low enough to showcase just a little bit of cleavage.
I heard Jake come in as I proceeded to brush my hair and put on some lip gloss. My heart began pounding as I heard him come up the steps. He came into the room, sliding his arms around me from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder. He smelled like pine trees and soap, so I knew he had showered at work.
"Thank you," he said kissing my ear. "I'm going to wait until after dinner so we can try them together." I smiled and turned to face him. His lips met mine and the kiss was soft and gentle.
He changed and we drove to the restaurant. Once we were seated, I ordered the grilled chicken and he ordered a steak. Once we were sipping our drinks, he smiled at me. I was still feeling inexplicably shy after what had happened last night and knew my cheeks would warm soon enough.
"You look really pretty tonight, Bells," he said reaching across the table and taking my hand.
I smiled and curled my fingers around his. "Thanks."
"So… what changed your mind?" he asked hesitantly.
I wanted to tell him everything, so I took a deep breath. I tried to explain my confusion, the pain I felt over everything that had transpired over the course of the months we had been living in Hoquiam. I told him that in some ways I was aware that I loved him, but my feelings got so confused and tangled.
"I'm sorry for what I put you through," I said glancing down at my half-eaten chicken breast. "I can't apologize enough, but I truly thought I made the right choice. You mean too much to me and I had myself convinced I couldn't put you through more if I couldn't handle this."
"You should have let me decide that. We should have talked about it before you decided to date someone else." His voice wasn't soft, but it wasn't angry either.
"I know. And all I did was mess things up with Brandon anyway, and he's a good person. And Lindsay…" I couldn't help adding and felt that flash of jealousy. "I know with everything going on it wasn't the best thing for me to do. I know you care about her…"
He was quiet as he ate. "I really do," he said. "It wasn't easy, Bella, but overall I'm glad you said something. I'm still unsure of how things are going to be, but…" he trailed off and his vulnerability hurt.
"I love you," I whispered. "It took too much for me to say this and have it really mean something and to be willing to try. I talked to Dana… and even Charlie a little bit. What happened with your dad really hit home; life's just too short. I don't want you to worry; I'll just have to show you how much you mean to me." I traced little circles on his wrist, staring down at his smooth russet skin.
"We can try," he agreed. "Last night was amazing," he said lifting my chin and making me look at him. "It's one step, but there are a few more to go. I know I didn't say anything right away - for mine and Lindsay's sake - and I needed time to think. I love you, Bella, but you know that. I have for awhile now."
We lightened the discussion then and ate dinner together on our first official date.
*~*~*
JPOV
I couldn't help staring at Bella across the table as the sky darkened outside and the candle on the table was lit. She looked beautiful in firelight; even paler than normal, her dark hair shiny, and her eyes sparkled. The outfit she wore suited her, too. It suited me as well and I couldn't help imaging taking it off of her.
It wasn't an easy conversation. There had been hurt on both sides, confusion, and unfortunately other people's feelings got caught up in it, but I was glad we had it. And even if I still had some uncertainty, I was thrilled she was owning up to her feelings and wanted to try again.
We were just talking idly about how I planned to go home and help Billy and my sisters. She wasn't able to come due to a big order she was helping with, but she promised to make a chicken and vegetable casserole within Billy's new diet for me to take home. I appreciated her thoughtfulness about my dad. It had been difficult and I was grateful to have her helping.
She had just finished telling me a story about work when I blurted out, "So last night really was fine with you? Things happened so fast…"
I could see her cheeks color a little and she looked shy again. It struck me as sweet and I sort of knew how she felt. God knows I had fantasized about her often enough, but with the changes in our relationship it still seemed almost unreal. It was like looking at her in a new light, but everything else was still the same.
"Yes, I really am. Better than fine," she said with a smile.
Images of her naked flashed through my mind, and I couldn't help adding I was better than fine, too. It was a dream come true. "Does that mean we're officially…?" She added but looked a little awkward trying to say it.
"Dating?" It felt unreal saying that, but I loved it. "Hell yes."
She laughed and we ordered a dessert to share, and I couldn't help holding the spoon of chocolate pudding with cookie crumbs to her mouth. She met my eyes and took the spoon between her lips. It was enough to have me shifting slightly on the seat. We took turns and I couldn't help laughing.
"I'm enjoying this, but I feel like everyone's looking at us," she said understanding what I was thinking. "Are we going to turn into the couple that can't stop looking at each other or feeding each other in public?"
"Quite possibly," I said calmly. We both smirked.
When dinner was over, I saw a couple walk by us, both around our age laughing and looking like they didn't have a care in the world. Bella and I had changed over the course of the months in some ways; we had to grow up too fast, to deal with things most people didn't have to worry about and some things they'd never have to worry about.
I wrapped my fingers around hers, swung our hands lightly between us, and was rewarded with her smile. We talked about what we should do when I came back from visiting Billy as we walked in the twilight. For once I felt light and free and Bella looked like she was feeling the same. It was a liberating feeling.
Once we got home, I sat on the sofa with Bella on my lap, and we ate one of the cupcakes. It had been a surprise that caused an ear-to-ear grin when I had come home and seen them. When it was time for bed, we were both a little quiet. I wanted her - I hadn't stopped - but once we were in the bedroom we both just stretched out on the bed still dressed.
Kissing her was something I could very easily become addicted to and that was all we did. It was what we both seemed to need. Her hands stroked my back, sliding down my arm, and then back up and into my hair.
Her soft breath feathered over my lips and I kissed the top one first, then the lower one. She sighed and I stroked my fingers over her collarbone, her cheekbone, and then slid them along her temple. I kissed her eyelids, feeling the brush of her eyelashes - soft as butterfly wings - against my lips. Her lips moved to my jaw, pressing a little kiss there.
We continued this way for awhile, content just to touch each other and kiss previously un-kissed areas. When I began to drift off, my hand was resting against her stomach under her shirt, and her hands were tucked between us and resting against my chest. Her head tucked perfectly under my chin and I slept soundly.
The early dawn of the next morning, the day I was going to head home, I felt a strong need echoing in my body. Bella's body was loose and supple in her sleep, her pink lips parted slightly. The urge got stronger, and I eased onto my side, sliding my hand along her hip and dipping under her skirt.
She sighed and I lifted slightly to move her shirt up a bit to kiss her bared stomach. When she murmured my name in her sleep, I smiled against her skin and slid her shirt up higher. Her bra and the way her breasts looked in them nearly made me drool. Slipping her skirt off, she began to wake slowly. The sight of her bra and panties was like a kick to my stomach.
"Damn Bells," I sighed.
"What?" she asked sleepily.
"You're determined to destroy me with your lingerie, aren't you?"
She giggled and wound her arms around my neck. It was all the encouragement I needed.
*~*~*
AN: After everything, I hope this little bit of fluff appeased you. ;-) And on a random note, just thought I'd let you know I came in first place in the Highest Hanky Count for the JBnP Winter Awards. A very nice surprise! Pic of banner linked on my FFn profile. Now the recipe (I made these cupcakes & they turned out SO good):
PB & J Cupcakes:
1 ½ C. flour 2 lg eggs
1 tsp baking powder ¾ C. milk
½ tsp salt 2 tsp vanilla
1 stick unsalted butter, softened 1 C. grape jelly
1 C. sugar
Preheat oven to 350. Sift the flour, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl. Cream butter and sugar on medium speed until fluffy (2-3 min). Add eggs one at a time, beating until incorporated. Add dry ingredients in 2 parts, alternating with milk. Add vanilla. Spoon batter until 2/3 full. Bake 20-22 minutes or until they spring back. Cool completely on wire rack. Squeeze a tablespoon of jelly into center of cupcake. Frost w/ chunky peanut butter & peanuts (optional).
½ stick unsalted butter, softened
¾ C. chunky PB
4 oz. cream cheese, softened
2 C. confectioners sugar
½ Tbsp milk (few drops more if needed)
In large bowl beat butter, PB, & cream cheese on medium speed until light & fluffy. On low speed add 1 C. sugar, then few drops of milk. Increase speed & mix thoroughly. Add remaining sugar and few more drops of milk if necessary. Speed to high & mix until fluffy & good spreading consistency. Use immediately.
Chapter 20
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, sexual situations)
Summary: After the newborn fight things take a different turn with the Volturi. Edward goes missing, the Cullen's leave to search for him, and Bella flees town from the pain of loss. Can Jacob help her deal with the grief a second time? AU, M for language, sex
*~*~*
Something in the way she moves/Attracts me like no other lover/Something in the way she woos me/I don't want to leave her now/You know I believe and how/Somewhere in her smile she knows/That I don't need no other lover
*~*~*
JPOV
My body was always heated thanks to my genetic ability to turn into a wolf, but touching Bella how I've always dreamed of touching her was enough to make me actually feel the heat burning through my body. Going to that club tonight and seeing Bella was pure coincidence, but seeing her attempting to dance with her friends had really hammered the decision home. Her dancing was lame to be sure, but the fact that she was trying and was making friends had shown me how much she was willing to try again with everything else.
I had made the decision even if I was still feeling a little gun-shy. The feel of her in my arms on the dance floor had been enough to tell me that I really wanted her, too, and having her feel the same about me had been exhilarating. I was still hurt, still a little bothered over the situation, but I knew things were improving so I let go of my inhibitions.
Just seeing Bella stretched out on our bed, rumpled and reaching for me, had done me in. She wanted to do this and all thought and reason flew right out of my head. I was stretched out on top of her, our bodies melding together, as I braced most of my weight on my arms. Her breath was coming in pants as my hands impatiently pushed her shirt up.
I had to feel every inch of her, kiss every spot I could.
We managed to wrestle the shirt over her head where I flung it across the room. My lips settled fleetingly under her ear, her jaw, alighting on the pulse point in her throat before reaching the slight swell of her breasts. Her hands were restlessly moving over my body as I pulled back to yank my own shirt off.
Little sparks of heat zapped along my nerve endings as I felt her hands slide down to grip my backside.
My hips bucked into hers again, and I reached between us to tug at her skirt. I could feel her impatience warring with mine as the wolf strained inside of me; I could barely control it.
Her hair was tangled in my hands and her lips were swollen and red from our heated kisses. I paused long enough to rip her panties off, my fingers moving quickly to that slick spot between her legs.
She cried out, "Oh God, Jake… please…" and her voice faded to a pleasure-filled moan, filling my mind and making my dick grow even harder. My finger moved, sliding around the soft folds, familiarizing myself with her. Her scent reached me and I inhaled deeply, feeling my body strain even harder.
I made quick work of my pants and they went flying over my shoulder. The need to have her was pounding through me in waves as I continued to work my fingers between her thighs, eliciting sounds from her that just fed my need even more.
I was barely clinging to my sanity already and I wasn't even inside her yet. Her bra was still on; I just shoved it up and out of my way so her perfect rosebud-tipped breasts were bare before me. Her fingers twisted in my hair when my mouth closed over one sweet nipple.
"So good…" I murmured huskily.
Her back arched as I continued to lavish licks and nips over the soft mounds. I managed to slap my hand against the nightstand, condoms buried in the corner of the drawer; my hopes from long ago now a certainty. I backed off slightly to rip open the package and slid the condom on my painfully sensitive dick.
Bella's eyes watched my every move, her little pink tongue darting out to wet her lips.
My eyes met hers, and I could see the desire in her eyes, hear her deepened breathing.
Her hands reached for me just as I pushed her thighs further apart. My hips pushed forward, feeling where her soft skin parted for me. I knew instinctively what to do.
My breathing was heavy as my lips captured hers yet again.
"Just do it," she gasped. Her legs tightened around me and I did it. I didn't pause; I just pushed myself deep into her tight, wet warmth. I felt her stiffen, whimper with pain, and I hesitated while my body begged to move.
"Bella…?"
She breathed deeply for a couple minutes and then nodded.
My hips took over as I thrust into her, the pace and the feel making me more frantic. Her tongue slid over mine and we thrust our tongues, mimicking the thrust of our hips.
I barely recognized the grunts and throaty growls coming from deep inside; and her noises spurred me on as I pinned her arms over her head. Her pale, soft skin practically glowed in the moonlight and I traced my tongue over every inch of her I could reach as our hips found the same rhythm.
My body was vibrating from her touch, her scent, her taste as I began to feel the pressure increase while Bella clenched around me. I nipped at her jaw, her lower lip, and she moaned and rocked harder.
Encouraged I began pounding my hips against hers faster and harder. "Bella…" I gasped. "Oh shit, you feel so good…"
Her head tilted back, lips parted, and I felt her convulse around me when I reached down to press against the little bundle of flesh between us. My body followed hers as she tightened even more around me; my vision hazed as sweat dripped down my temple and I felt the pressure come to a boiling point as I watched her cry out and thrash under me.
I couldn't hold back any longer and I came with a heavy force inside of her, teeth biting down between her shoulder and neck, grasping her hips and holding her against me as I thrust until I was empty.
She shook again, her body spasming.
My breath came deep and slow then as a relaxation took over my body. I gently pulled out of her, afraid I had hurt her, but she just curled into me. Her naked body pressed full-length against mine, her head on my chest, I managed to lift an arm and brush back the hair from her face.
"Bells, are you…"
She interrupted me. "I'm okay, Jake. In fact I'm much better than okay," she murmured. Mollified I wrapped my arms tightly around her and passed out.
*~*~*
BPOV
I woke to the weak light of sunshine trying to peek through the heavy clouds. A strip of it lay across the bed and so did Tinker; she was fast asleep with one paw over her nose. My leg was draped over Jake, nestled between his legs, and my head was resting on his shoulder. His other arm was draped over his stomach and his hand rested on my hip.
Memories of last night began to flash through my mind, and I became fully aware of what had occurred.
We had made love. And it had been wild and amazing.
My cheeks began to warm as I thought of more details. Jake's hands gripping my hips tightly as he came, his eyes wild with lust; his dark hair tickling my skin as he tasted me and his teeth biting down on my skin - not too hard, but not really gently either - and I felt the heat again.
Jake had to go to work in a couple hours, though, and I wanted him to rest. So even as much as I wanted him, I knew I would let him sleep. Carefully I slid out of bed, leaving Jake and our cat fast asleep. Jake flexed his arm slightly as my weight disappeared - as if searching for me - but he just gave a soft sigh and began to snore again.
I smiled and slipped into the bathroom. The area between my legs ached and I winced slightly. My eyes widened when I looked into the mirror and saw little bruises from where he had gripped my hips and there were light red marks along my jaw and a slightly bigger one on my neck.
I didn't particularly mind; I just took a careful shower and let the heat ease the aches. I towel-dried afterward, pulling my hair up into a ponytail. The closest thing to slip into was one of Jake's t-shirts, so I pulled it over my head and let it drop to my knees.
The tea kettle was set on the stove and I began to heat the water for some tea while toasting some bread. While I waited, I perched on the window seat, pulling my knees up under the shirt and against my chest as I gazed out at the little yard. It had small patches of garden for anyone who wanted to make use of it. Since it was close to spring, I decided maybe I would try planting a few things and see how it went.
I got up and ate my toast, taking my tea back to the seat with me. I began to feel drowsy again as the sun warmed my bare arm when I heard Jake behind me. "There you are," he said quietly.
I turned, a shy smile curling my lips upward. He set my tea on the little table nearby and sat across from me on the window seat. A little tug of my hand and I was on his lap, his knees bent to fit on the seat and to hold me in place. Tucked securely against him, I laid my head on his chest.
"How do you feel?" he asked as he twisted my ponytail around his fingers.
"A little sore, but happy," I said.
His lips brushed against my temple. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
I shook my head, but he caught sight of marks on my jaw and neck and his brow furrowed. "Bells…" he said as his fingers stroked lightly over the marks.
"Jake, it's fine," I said. "There was no complaining; I wanted it. I'll just put a little make-up on to cover it."
We were both quiet then and I listened to the soft, steady thumping of his heart. "We need to talk," he finally said. "Maybe after work since I really should be getting ready," he added.
I nodded, knowing it was inevitable, as he got up. He tilted my chin up and kissed me gently. "We'll go out for dinner… a real date since we did everything a little backwards."
He went upstairs to get ready and left for work. I went out and did some grocery shopping and after putting the food away I began cleaning until I had to go in to work. I was just picking up what I needed for an order that I had to fill at home, so it was a quick trip.
I tried to slink by Dana at the bakery to get what I needed, but her voice brought me up short. "Bella Swan, don't think you can fool me. You can't hide the sex walk!"
My face heated, but I turned to face her. She was grinning, her eyes lit with happiness. "Typically the girl friend code is to never leave them for a guy, but we made an exception since this was Jacob," she said grabbing my arm excitedly. "All of us were thrilled at the idea."
When I didn't say anything, she hauled me into a quiet corner. "And you had sex with him, didn't you?"
My cheeks were going to be stained permanently red if this kept up. "Yes," I mumbled. "I did."
After her cheer of happiness, she asked, "So… how was it? You don't have to give me too many details."
I knew my ears were beginning to turn red now, too. "It… it was… amazing," I whispered trying to appease her enough to stop.
Her eyes widened. "It was your first time, wasn't it?"
It took a few attempts, but my blush finally began to fade after I admitted it was and told her it had been a little wild and a little tender all at the same time. I also told her we planned on talking tonight. She finally let me go after making me promise to wear the new outfit she had made me purchase along with the undergarments, and I walked toward the door with the supplies feeling dizzy.
"Yes," I managed to say when I reached the door and turned to face all of them. "I'm sure Dana will tell you anyway, but yes, I had sex with Jacob. It was amazing," I finished and walked out the door amidst their cheers and catcalls. I couldn't help the snort of laughter as I hurried to my car.
Once I got home, I had a spur-of-the-moment idea and made peanut butter and jelly cupcakes. After I frosted the cupcakes, I inserted the jelly and then printed a letter on each of the dozen. Set up on the counter - I Love You Jake - I smiled and continued with my work order. Before long it was close to the time when Jake was due home, so I hurried upstairs to take a quick shower and change into the new outfit Dana had strong-armed me into buying.
The underwear and bra were simple, but sexy. They were a deep blue, skimpy, and had an edge of lace. The skirt was black denim with a simple trim at the bottom in deep blue and the top was a long-sleeved shirt that matched the blue and was low enough to showcase just a little bit of cleavage.
I heard Jake come in as I proceeded to brush my hair and put on some lip gloss. My heart began pounding as I heard him come up the steps. He came into the room, sliding his arms around me from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder. He smelled like pine trees and soap, so I knew he had showered at work.
"Thank you," he said kissing my ear. "I'm going to wait until after dinner so we can try them together." I smiled and turned to face him. His lips met mine and the kiss was soft and gentle.
He changed and we drove to the restaurant. Once we were seated, I ordered the grilled chicken and he ordered a steak. Once we were sipping our drinks, he smiled at me. I was still feeling inexplicably shy after what had happened last night and knew my cheeks would warm soon enough.
"You look really pretty tonight, Bells," he said reaching across the table and taking my hand.
I smiled and curled my fingers around his. "Thanks."
"So… what changed your mind?" he asked hesitantly.
I wanted to tell him everything, so I took a deep breath. I tried to explain my confusion, the pain I felt over everything that had transpired over the course of the months we had been living in Hoquiam. I told him that in some ways I was aware that I loved him, but my feelings got so confused and tangled.
"I'm sorry for what I put you through," I said glancing down at my half-eaten chicken breast. "I can't apologize enough, but I truly thought I made the right choice. You mean too much to me and I had myself convinced I couldn't put you through more if I couldn't handle this."
"You should have let me decide that. We should have talked about it before you decided to date someone else." His voice wasn't soft, but it wasn't angry either.
"I know. And all I did was mess things up with Brandon anyway, and he's a good person. And Lindsay…" I couldn't help adding and felt that flash of jealousy. "I know with everything going on it wasn't the best thing for me to do. I know you care about her…"
He was quiet as he ate. "I really do," he said. "It wasn't easy, Bella, but overall I'm glad you said something. I'm still unsure of how things are going to be, but…" he trailed off and his vulnerability hurt.
"I love you," I whispered. "It took too much for me to say this and have it really mean something and to be willing to try. I talked to Dana… and even Charlie a little bit. What happened with your dad really hit home; life's just too short. I don't want you to worry; I'll just have to show you how much you mean to me." I traced little circles on his wrist, staring down at his smooth russet skin.
"We can try," he agreed. "Last night was amazing," he said lifting my chin and making me look at him. "It's one step, but there are a few more to go. I know I didn't say anything right away - for mine and Lindsay's sake - and I needed time to think. I love you, Bella, but you know that. I have for awhile now."
We lightened the discussion then and ate dinner together on our first official date.
*~*~*
JPOV
I couldn't help staring at Bella across the table as the sky darkened outside and the candle on the table was lit. She looked beautiful in firelight; even paler than normal, her dark hair shiny, and her eyes sparkled. The outfit she wore suited her, too. It suited me as well and I couldn't help imaging taking it off of her.
It wasn't an easy conversation. There had been hurt on both sides, confusion, and unfortunately other people's feelings got caught up in it, but I was glad we had it. And even if I still had some uncertainty, I was thrilled she was owning up to her feelings and wanted to try again.
We were just talking idly about how I planned to go home and help Billy and my sisters. She wasn't able to come due to a big order she was helping with, but she promised to make a chicken and vegetable casserole within Billy's new diet for me to take home. I appreciated her thoughtfulness about my dad. It had been difficult and I was grateful to have her helping.
She had just finished telling me a story about work when I blurted out, "So last night really was fine with you? Things happened so fast…"
I could see her cheeks color a little and she looked shy again. It struck me as sweet and I sort of knew how she felt. God knows I had fantasized about her often enough, but with the changes in our relationship it still seemed almost unreal. It was like looking at her in a new light, but everything else was still the same.
"Yes, I really am. Better than fine," she said with a smile.
Images of her naked flashed through my mind, and I couldn't help adding I was better than fine, too. It was a dream come true. "Does that mean we're officially…?" She added but looked a little awkward trying to say it.
"Dating?" It felt unreal saying that, but I loved it. "Hell yes."
She laughed and we ordered a dessert to share, and I couldn't help holding the spoon of chocolate pudding with cookie crumbs to her mouth. She met my eyes and took the spoon between her lips. It was enough to have me shifting slightly on the seat. We took turns and I couldn't help laughing.
"I'm enjoying this, but I feel like everyone's looking at us," she said understanding what I was thinking. "Are we going to turn into the couple that can't stop looking at each other or feeding each other in public?"
"Quite possibly," I said calmly. We both smirked.
When dinner was over, I saw a couple walk by us, both around our age laughing and looking like they didn't have a care in the world. Bella and I had changed over the course of the months in some ways; we had to grow up too fast, to deal with things most people didn't have to worry about and some things they'd never have to worry about.
I wrapped my fingers around hers, swung our hands lightly between us, and was rewarded with her smile. We talked about what we should do when I came back from visiting Billy as we walked in the twilight. For once I felt light and free and Bella looked like she was feeling the same. It was a liberating feeling.
Once we got home, I sat on the sofa with Bella on my lap, and we ate one of the cupcakes. It had been a surprise that caused an ear-to-ear grin when I had come home and seen them. When it was time for bed, we were both a little quiet. I wanted her - I hadn't stopped - but once we were in the bedroom we both just stretched out on the bed still dressed.
Kissing her was something I could very easily become addicted to and that was all we did. It was what we both seemed to need. Her hands stroked my back, sliding down my arm, and then back up and into my hair.
Her soft breath feathered over my lips and I kissed the top one first, then the lower one. She sighed and I stroked my fingers over her collarbone, her cheekbone, and then slid them along her temple. I kissed her eyelids, feeling the brush of her eyelashes - soft as butterfly wings - against my lips. Her lips moved to my jaw, pressing a little kiss there.
We continued this way for awhile, content just to touch each other and kiss previously un-kissed areas. When I began to drift off, my hand was resting against her stomach under her shirt, and her hands were tucked between us and resting against my chest. Her head tucked perfectly under my chin and I slept soundly.
The early dawn of the next morning, the day I was going to head home, I felt a strong need echoing in my body. Bella's body was loose and supple in her sleep, her pink lips parted slightly. The urge got stronger, and I eased onto my side, sliding my hand along her hip and dipping under her skirt.
She sighed and I lifted slightly to move her shirt up a bit to kiss her bared stomach. When she murmured my name in her sleep, I smiled against her skin and slid her shirt up higher. Her bra and the way her breasts looked in them nearly made me drool. Slipping her skirt off, she began to wake slowly. The sight of her bra and panties was like a kick to my stomach.
"Damn Bells," I sighed.
"What?" she asked sleepily.
"You're determined to destroy me with your lingerie, aren't you?"
She giggled and wound her arms around my neck. It was all the encouragement I needed.
*~*~*
AN: After everything, I hope this little bit of fluff appeased you. ;-) And on a random note, just thought I'd let you know I came in first place in the Highest Hanky Count for the JBnP Winter Awards. A very nice surprise! Pic of banner linked on my FFn profile. Now the recipe (I made these cupcakes & they turned out SO good):
PB & J Cupcakes:
1 ½ C. flour 2 lg eggs
1 tsp baking powder ¾ C. milk
½ tsp salt 2 tsp vanilla
1 stick unsalted butter, softened 1 C. grape jelly
1 C. sugar
Preheat oven to 350. Sift the flour, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl. Cream butter and sugar on medium speed until fluffy (2-3 min). Add eggs one at a time, beating until incorporated. Add dry ingredients in 2 parts, alternating with milk. Add vanilla. Spoon batter until 2/3 full. Bake 20-22 minutes or until they spring back. Cool completely on wire rack. Squeeze a tablespoon of jelly into center of cupcake. Frost w/ chunky peanut butter & peanuts (optional).
½ stick unsalted butter, softened
¾ C. chunky PB
4 oz. cream cheese, softened
2 C. confectioners sugar
½ Tbsp milk (few drops more if needed)
In large bowl beat butter, PB, & cream cheese on medium speed until light & fluffy. On low speed add 1 C. sugar, then few drops of milk. Increase speed & mix thoroughly. Add remaining sugar and few more drops of milk if necessary. Speed to high & mix until fluffy & good spreading consistency. Use immediately.
Chapter 20