To Mend a Butterfly's Broken Wing, 3: Putting Down Roots
Title: To Mend a Butterfly's Broken Wing
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, sexual situations)
Summary: After the newborn fight things take a different turn with the Volturi. Edward goes missing, the Cullen's leave to search for him, and Bella flees town from the pain of loss. Can Jacob help her deal with the grief a second time? AU, M for language, sex
I'm only/Losing my will to live/I'm only/Broken and beaten down/I'm only I'm only
Chapter 3
BPOV:
I ran through the streets of Volterra, screaming Edward's name over and over. I couldn't find him. Desperation pushed me, my heart pounding in my chest as the sun glowed high overhead in a cloudless sky.
As the clock chimed noon, I managed to push through the throngs of people to reach the clock tower. Sweat beaded on my forehead as Edward appeared, just barely standing in the sun.
"Edward! No!" I screamed as I ran full-tilt at him.
His eyes met mine and suddenly icy-white, papery hands reached out and caught hold of him. I ran as hard as I could, but I saw red eyes and white teeth, and Edward was being yanked back by the vicious animals that made up the Volturi just before I could get to him.
I felt warm hands and a gentle but urgent voice as I struggled between sleeping and waking. I could hear a piercing noise and flinched, unsure of what it was. As my eyes opened and began to focus on the blurry shape in front of me, I realized the piercing noise was coming from me.
I was screaming in my sleep.
The blur solidified and I realized Jake was next to me, his hands trying to soothe me as he said urgently, "Bella, Bella, wake up! Honey you're just dreaming." The worry on his face was palpable.
My breathing was so uneven, I could barely catch my breath, but I focused on the warm feel of Jake's hands on my face. I rolled to my side, burying my face in my arm and felt the tears turn cool on my skin.
"I'm here," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."
I was so tired, so impossibly drained, that I just wanted to fall back to sleep. But if I did I knew I would dream again, and I didn't think I could handle it. Staying awake wasn't easy either, though. I rested my cheek on Jake's arm; I was so cold and he felt so warm.
As I was trying to keep my mind a blank, Jake shifted slightly. "Bells, I'll be right back, okay?"
He got up, and I saw him pull something out of his pocket. "What's that?" I asked, feeling a slither of panic.
He hesitated, but showed me the sleek black cell phone. "What are you doing?" I asked, my voice rising in pitch.
"Calm down, Bells," he said quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm going to call my dad and then Charlie…"
"No," I whispered. "I can't hurt him again, I can't let him see me like this, you can't tell him…" I babbled as the tears began to build.
He smoothed my hair back from my face. "You know I have to call, Bella. I know that you don't want him to worry, but he needs to know you're okay or he will worry. I won't tell him anything else, okay?"
I picked at the comforter, unable to look at him, as a single tear dripped down my nose. I was selfish; I left my father behind without a word and I didn't want Jake to call him because I was afraid he would find out where I was and insist I go back home. A place I couldn't face. I knew he had to know I was okay, though, so I nodded.
Jake slipped out the door, and I laid back down, the tears silently sliding down my cheeks as my thoughts drifted to Edward. The pain in my chest increased. When I stopped hearing the murmur of Jake's voice, I was drawn out of my painful thoughts, and I began to panic. I curled up at the head of the bed, thoughts of him not being out there anymore scaring me. I began breathing heavily, my stomach hurting, until the door opened.
I saw Jake's expression shift to worry as he hurried over. He wrapped his arms around me, and I clung to him tightly. "Where were you?" I whispered shakily.
"I'm sorry, Bella; I just went downstairs to get some breakfast for us. I didn't mean to scare you."
He picked up the bag, and I caught the scent of blueberry pancakes and sausage wafting from the bag. "There was a little café in the lobby," he explained as he pulled the items out.
My stomach clenched at the thought of food.
"I'm not hungry," I whispered. Just the thought of food was unappealing.
"Bella, you have to eat. I know you're…," he said quietly trailing off. "But not eating won't help."
I flinched at the reminder. "My stomach hurts," I said and lay back down on the bed.
"Please Bella?" he asked. "Just one bite."
I just wanted to lay there like a slug, but I sat up and he handed me the fork with a big piece of pancake and sausage on it. I ate it, trying my best not to gag. As he ate the rest of breakfast he told me that Charlie was upset. Guilt wormed its way around in my stomach as he told me how Charlie yelled at him for at least five minutes, but eventually he agreed to not come after me with his whole department in tow as long as he heard from us in a couple days.
I missed Charlie already, but the bone-crushing grief of any reminders wouldn't allow me to go back. I had to focus on other things.
"Jake? Where did you get the cell phone?" I asked dully as I watched him ball up his trash.
He hesitated, not looking at me. "Um…"
"Don't lie," I whispered.
"Alice," he murmured. "She was worried… and she, well, insisted I take it; and money as well. She said she'll call…" he trailed off.
My body froze. Alice? She had went to Jake and sent him here?
She was going to call?
"Bells, I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what… I would have come after you whether or not Alice had come to me."
"She's going to call?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes. She wants to keep you updated."
I stared at the slightly dingy curtains and out into the pale-gray morning. There was nothing but an old building to look at. My chin shook as I recalled with perfect clarity the grief on Alice's face, the smile on Edward's before I left him and the tears started again.
The warmth of Jake's arms enclosed me, and I was crying on his shoulder.
"If we're staying in Hoquiam we need to find a place to live," he said after the worst of my crying was over.
"Jake…" I said. "I can't ask you to do that." A part of me wanted it, though. He was the only one who could help me last time.
"Rachel's going to stay with Billy for the time being. The pack doesn't need me right now; since we killed the newborns there isn't a huge threat right now. I'll visit them often enough, but I don't want to leave you alone.
"What about school?" I said half-heartedly.
"It's summer. We'll worry about that when the time comes."
I tried to talk to him, to tell him, but I was also scared to be alone so I didn't try very hard. Jake insisted I get in the shower and clean up so that we could go apartment-hunting. I was content inside my private bubble of this slightly dingy, but sufficient hotel room; going outside meant I had to try and be normal.
I knew it had to be done, but I dragged myself into the bathroom to freshen up. Once I changed clothes and opened the door, I saw that Jake had an odd look on his face.
"What's wrong?" I asked half-heartedly.
He glanced at the cell phone in his hand. "I just got what I think was a text on here that said which realtor to go to."
"Alice?" I whispered in a pained voice.
He nodded.
I reached my hand out for the phone, but he shook his head. "There was no number listed, Bella. If we could figure out how to send a text back, it wouldn't matter."
I turned away, feeling that horrible ache in my chest catch me off guard. My chest felt constricted, and I struggled to breathe. I couldn't even contact her.
Jake's fingers tilted my chin up so I was looking at him. "Relax and breathe," he whispered, looking scared. He hugged me and I buried my face in his chest, my breathing evening out as he held me. I wondered briefly where the other Jacob had gone; the cocky, self-assured, annoying best friend.
"Come on," he said, taking my hand and leading me outside.
I hadn't exactly been holed up in that room for a long time, but the noises, the smells, the feel of the cool wind was overwhelming. I caught a faint whiff of tacos, the smell of the salty ocean, and the sounds of people walking and driving by. I cringed a little, finding it hard to focus and just wanting to hide in my room.
We found the realtor pretty easily and we told her we were interested in renting an apartment. Once I gave her my name, she nodded in recognition. "We have a few apartments we would like to show you already," she said as Jake and I followed her out, exchanging a look.
So I could see money talked, and Alice must have thrown some the realtors way because neither of us had a job.
We visited one apartment first; an L-shaped building with ground level apartments. They were nice, but it reminded me too much of home and I nearly had an anxiety attack on the spot. The realtor looked at me strangely as Jake's hand tightened around mine. He ushered me outside where I could breathe again.
Thankfully, the next apartment seemed just right.
On the second level of a stone building we saw an apartment that opened into a medium-sized kitchen, complete with all the necessities. There was an arched doorway that was carved with curling leaves at the edges that led into a living room; it had a wide window overlooking the flower beds in the back of the building and the sill was wide enough to sit on. It also had a small stone fireplace.
The realtor led us up a short flight of steps situated in a corner of the living room that boasted two bedrooms right across from each other and a bathroom. Both bedrooms were situated near the front of the building, so both views from the bedroom overlooked the street below and there was even a decent glimpse of the ocean.
The apartment had been freshly cleaned and smelled faintly of fresh air and Windex.
"I like it," Jake was saying to me as I tuned back in. "It's a little small, but not overly."
I agreed. If I was going to stay in Hoquiam, I wanted this place. The realtor whipped out some papers, and I stared in surprise when she said it was ours immediately if we wanted it. Now I really knew Alice had been up to something as that painful ache gave another twinge; even I knew it couldn't happen this fast. Not to mention the realtor told us beds for the two rooms would be delivered today if we wanted.
So, on the spot, I signed the lease, and Jake gave me the money Alice gave us to put down as a security deposit. We had a whispered argument over the fact first; I didn't want to do it this way, and I knew Jake didn't either. He would never have willingly taken money from the Cullen's if it hadn't been for me.
"But Bells," he had whispered, trying to keep the realtor from overhearing us, "As much as neither of us want it this way, I'm sixteen, I have no money, I have no job. I mean, sure, you have some money saved, but how far is that going to get us when neither of us is actually making money?"
The amount of problems we were going to run into due to age, lack of living in the real world, was beginning to creep up on me. Even living off the sum the Cullen's gave us, we were both going to have to work. And it hurt beyond belief to think it was theirs. I tried to avoid any reminders of them, but it looked like I wouldn't be able to escape everything. I tried to keep my chin from shaking, holding the tears at bay, as we stared at each other in wordless silence.
I was taking so much from him, but he kept insisting he wanted to be here with me. I just prayed I was making the right decision. So I had signed.
*~*~*
I stood in the middle of my new living room, completely bewildered by the fact that I had just left my father's house yesterday and was now standing in my new home. And I would be living with Jacob, who wasn't even legal yet. I had no idea how we were going to do this, but I was finding it hard to care anymore. Caring just meant I could be hurt again.
After our beds were delivered and set-up, we decided to go out and buy groceries with my saved money and pick up our stuff and check-out at the hotel. We hid the Cullen's money for emergencies. Neither of us wanted to touch it unless we had to; the less reminders the better. The only reminder I wanted - and craved - was to talk to Alice. I desperately needed to hear her voice. To hear her assure me they would find him.
I stared unseeingly out the window until Jake's husky voice pulled me back. "Let's go, Bells," he said, taking my hand.
I sat huddled in Jake's Rabbit as he drove us to the hotel and then to the store. He picked out the junk, while I picked out actual food. It was an odd thing to be walking around the grocery store with Jake shopping for food. Once we were satisfied with how much we were spending, we bought the food and took it back home to put in our new refrigerator. The day had passed quickly and it was already dusk when we were finished.
I picked up the cell phone while Jake idly flipped through the basic channels we got on the television in the living room. I bit my lip, then managed to find out how to click open a new message and typed in Charlie's work cell phone and sent him the number for this phone. I stared at it and barely a minute later I received a reply.
I figured out how to open it and saw:
Thanks honey. I love you.
I swallowed painfully and cried quietly in my new kitchen while the noise of the television in the background filtered in. I knew I was going to have to talk to Charlie soon; I missed him and I felt horrible about what I was doing. I needed him to know that I loved him, too, so with my hand shaking I sent him another message: I love you, too.
Sniffling quietly, I pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge and shuffled into the living room. "Jake?" I said. "I'm going to bed."
He glanced up at me. His brow wrinkled. "Are you okay? Do you want some company?"
I shook my head, shaking loose another few tears. "I need to be alone," I managed to mumble. Upstairs, I didn't even bother with brushing my teeth. I closed the shades and pulled the new covers back on the soft queen mattress supplied by Alice and as I pulled the covers up I tried to hide from the painful thoughts.
Edward… gone. Charlie. Jake leaving his family. Renee.
My mind circled back to Edward, and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, my lips shaking with the effort. I tossed and turned, trying to force my mind to think of other things. It took me a long time to fall asleep.
It didn't take long for the dreams to take hold of me. I kept running to Edward, only to see him being pulled away from me by nearly skeletal hands. I was never fast enough, good enough; I was always just short of enough. Interwoven in my dreams were the Cullen's and their anguish, Charlie alone. It was all too much.
Seeing Edward's beautiful face disappearing into the dark was enough to wake me from my sleep; I was distantly aware my scream was what woke me. My door burst open as Jake hurried into my room. I caught his hand as he reached out for me. There were no lines anymore, no boundaries, as Jake slid into my bed with me.
I held on to him for dear life, fear trying to take me over. Jake's warmth, his solid strength, his ease at consoling me began to settle me.
"I'm staying," he whispered against my ear. All I could do was nod.
He lay back in my bed, pulling me with him. His arms were wrapped around me, and I lay my head on his chest. His warmth and the steady thump of his heart lulled me back to sleep.
*~*~*
Chapter 4
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, sexual situations)
Summary: After the newborn fight things take a different turn with the Volturi. Edward goes missing, the Cullen's leave to search for him, and Bella flees town from the pain of loss. Can Jacob help her deal with the grief a second time? AU, M for language, sex
I'm only/Losing my will to live/I'm only/Broken and beaten down/I'm only I'm only
Chapter 3
BPOV:
I ran through the streets of Volterra, screaming Edward's name over and over. I couldn't find him. Desperation pushed me, my heart pounding in my chest as the sun glowed high overhead in a cloudless sky.
As the clock chimed noon, I managed to push through the throngs of people to reach the clock tower. Sweat beaded on my forehead as Edward appeared, just barely standing in the sun.
"Edward! No!" I screamed as I ran full-tilt at him.
His eyes met mine and suddenly icy-white, papery hands reached out and caught hold of him. I ran as hard as I could, but I saw red eyes and white teeth, and Edward was being yanked back by the vicious animals that made up the Volturi just before I could get to him.
I felt warm hands and a gentle but urgent voice as I struggled between sleeping and waking. I could hear a piercing noise and flinched, unsure of what it was. As my eyes opened and began to focus on the blurry shape in front of me, I realized the piercing noise was coming from me.
I was screaming in my sleep.
The blur solidified and I realized Jake was next to me, his hands trying to soothe me as he said urgently, "Bella, Bella, wake up! Honey you're just dreaming." The worry on his face was palpable.
My breathing was so uneven, I could barely catch my breath, but I focused on the warm feel of Jake's hands on my face. I rolled to my side, burying my face in my arm and felt the tears turn cool on my skin.
"I'm here," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."
I was so tired, so impossibly drained, that I just wanted to fall back to sleep. But if I did I knew I would dream again, and I didn't think I could handle it. Staying awake wasn't easy either, though. I rested my cheek on Jake's arm; I was so cold and he felt so warm.
As I was trying to keep my mind a blank, Jake shifted slightly. "Bells, I'll be right back, okay?"
He got up, and I saw him pull something out of his pocket. "What's that?" I asked, feeling a slither of panic.
He hesitated, but showed me the sleek black cell phone. "What are you doing?" I asked, my voice rising in pitch.
"Calm down, Bells," he said quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm going to call my dad and then Charlie…"
"No," I whispered. "I can't hurt him again, I can't let him see me like this, you can't tell him…" I babbled as the tears began to build.
He smoothed my hair back from my face. "You know I have to call, Bella. I know that you don't want him to worry, but he needs to know you're okay or he will worry. I won't tell him anything else, okay?"
I picked at the comforter, unable to look at him, as a single tear dripped down my nose. I was selfish; I left my father behind without a word and I didn't want Jake to call him because I was afraid he would find out where I was and insist I go back home. A place I couldn't face. I knew he had to know I was okay, though, so I nodded.
Jake slipped out the door, and I laid back down, the tears silently sliding down my cheeks as my thoughts drifted to Edward. The pain in my chest increased. When I stopped hearing the murmur of Jake's voice, I was drawn out of my painful thoughts, and I began to panic. I curled up at the head of the bed, thoughts of him not being out there anymore scaring me. I began breathing heavily, my stomach hurting, until the door opened.
I saw Jake's expression shift to worry as he hurried over. He wrapped his arms around me, and I clung to him tightly. "Where were you?" I whispered shakily.
"I'm sorry, Bella; I just went downstairs to get some breakfast for us. I didn't mean to scare you."
He picked up the bag, and I caught the scent of blueberry pancakes and sausage wafting from the bag. "There was a little café in the lobby," he explained as he pulled the items out.
My stomach clenched at the thought of food.
"I'm not hungry," I whispered. Just the thought of food was unappealing.
"Bella, you have to eat. I know you're…," he said quietly trailing off. "But not eating won't help."
I flinched at the reminder. "My stomach hurts," I said and lay back down on the bed.
"Please Bella?" he asked. "Just one bite."
I just wanted to lay there like a slug, but I sat up and he handed me the fork with a big piece of pancake and sausage on it. I ate it, trying my best not to gag. As he ate the rest of breakfast he told me that Charlie was upset. Guilt wormed its way around in my stomach as he told me how Charlie yelled at him for at least five minutes, but eventually he agreed to not come after me with his whole department in tow as long as he heard from us in a couple days.
I missed Charlie already, but the bone-crushing grief of any reminders wouldn't allow me to go back. I had to focus on other things.
"Jake? Where did you get the cell phone?" I asked dully as I watched him ball up his trash.
He hesitated, not looking at me. "Um…"
"Don't lie," I whispered.
"Alice," he murmured. "She was worried… and she, well, insisted I take it; and money as well. She said she'll call…" he trailed off.
My body froze. Alice? She had went to Jake and sent him here?
She was going to call?
"Bells, I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what… I would have come after you whether or not Alice had come to me."
"She's going to call?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes. She wants to keep you updated."
I stared at the slightly dingy curtains and out into the pale-gray morning. There was nothing but an old building to look at. My chin shook as I recalled with perfect clarity the grief on Alice's face, the smile on Edward's before I left him and the tears started again.
The warmth of Jake's arms enclosed me, and I was crying on his shoulder.
"If we're staying in Hoquiam we need to find a place to live," he said after the worst of my crying was over.
"Jake…" I said. "I can't ask you to do that." A part of me wanted it, though. He was the only one who could help me last time.
"Rachel's going to stay with Billy for the time being. The pack doesn't need me right now; since we killed the newborns there isn't a huge threat right now. I'll visit them often enough, but I don't want to leave you alone.
"What about school?" I said half-heartedly.
"It's summer. We'll worry about that when the time comes."
I tried to talk to him, to tell him, but I was also scared to be alone so I didn't try very hard. Jake insisted I get in the shower and clean up so that we could go apartment-hunting. I was content inside my private bubble of this slightly dingy, but sufficient hotel room; going outside meant I had to try and be normal.
I knew it had to be done, but I dragged myself into the bathroom to freshen up. Once I changed clothes and opened the door, I saw that Jake had an odd look on his face.
"What's wrong?" I asked half-heartedly.
He glanced at the cell phone in his hand. "I just got what I think was a text on here that said which realtor to go to."
"Alice?" I whispered in a pained voice.
He nodded.
I reached my hand out for the phone, but he shook his head. "There was no number listed, Bella. If we could figure out how to send a text back, it wouldn't matter."
I turned away, feeling that horrible ache in my chest catch me off guard. My chest felt constricted, and I struggled to breathe. I couldn't even contact her.
Jake's fingers tilted my chin up so I was looking at him. "Relax and breathe," he whispered, looking scared. He hugged me and I buried my face in his chest, my breathing evening out as he held me. I wondered briefly where the other Jacob had gone; the cocky, self-assured, annoying best friend.
"Come on," he said, taking my hand and leading me outside.
I hadn't exactly been holed up in that room for a long time, but the noises, the smells, the feel of the cool wind was overwhelming. I caught a faint whiff of tacos, the smell of the salty ocean, and the sounds of people walking and driving by. I cringed a little, finding it hard to focus and just wanting to hide in my room.
We found the realtor pretty easily and we told her we were interested in renting an apartment. Once I gave her my name, she nodded in recognition. "We have a few apartments we would like to show you already," she said as Jake and I followed her out, exchanging a look.
So I could see money talked, and Alice must have thrown some the realtors way because neither of us had a job.
We visited one apartment first; an L-shaped building with ground level apartments. They were nice, but it reminded me too much of home and I nearly had an anxiety attack on the spot. The realtor looked at me strangely as Jake's hand tightened around mine. He ushered me outside where I could breathe again.
Thankfully, the next apartment seemed just right.
On the second level of a stone building we saw an apartment that opened into a medium-sized kitchen, complete with all the necessities. There was an arched doorway that was carved with curling leaves at the edges that led into a living room; it had a wide window overlooking the flower beds in the back of the building and the sill was wide enough to sit on. It also had a small stone fireplace.
The realtor led us up a short flight of steps situated in a corner of the living room that boasted two bedrooms right across from each other and a bathroom. Both bedrooms were situated near the front of the building, so both views from the bedroom overlooked the street below and there was even a decent glimpse of the ocean.
The apartment had been freshly cleaned and smelled faintly of fresh air and Windex.
"I like it," Jake was saying to me as I tuned back in. "It's a little small, but not overly."
I agreed. If I was going to stay in Hoquiam, I wanted this place. The realtor whipped out some papers, and I stared in surprise when she said it was ours immediately if we wanted it. Now I really knew Alice had been up to something as that painful ache gave another twinge; even I knew it couldn't happen this fast. Not to mention the realtor told us beds for the two rooms would be delivered today if we wanted.
So, on the spot, I signed the lease, and Jake gave me the money Alice gave us to put down as a security deposit. We had a whispered argument over the fact first; I didn't want to do it this way, and I knew Jake didn't either. He would never have willingly taken money from the Cullen's if it hadn't been for me.
"But Bells," he had whispered, trying to keep the realtor from overhearing us, "As much as neither of us want it this way, I'm sixteen, I have no money, I have no job. I mean, sure, you have some money saved, but how far is that going to get us when neither of us is actually making money?"
The amount of problems we were going to run into due to age, lack of living in the real world, was beginning to creep up on me. Even living off the sum the Cullen's gave us, we were both going to have to work. And it hurt beyond belief to think it was theirs. I tried to avoid any reminders of them, but it looked like I wouldn't be able to escape everything. I tried to keep my chin from shaking, holding the tears at bay, as we stared at each other in wordless silence.
I was taking so much from him, but he kept insisting he wanted to be here with me. I just prayed I was making the right decision. So I had signed.
*~*~*
I stood in the middle of my new living room, completely bewildered by the fact that I had just left my father's house yesterday and was now standing in my new home. And I would be living with Jacob, who wasn't even legal yet. I had no idea how we were going to do this, but I was finding it hard to care anymore. Caring just meant I could be hurt again.
After our beds were delivered and set-up, we decided to go out and buy groceries with my saved money and pick up our stuff and check-out at the hotel. We hid the Cullen's money for emergencies. Neither of us wanted to touch it unless we had to; the less reminders the better. The only reminder I wanted - and craved - was to talk to Alice. I desperately needed to hear her voice. To hear her assure me they would find him.
I stared unseeingly out the window until Jake's husky voice pulled me back. "Let's go, Bells," he said, taking my hand.
I sat huddled in Jake's Rabbit as he drove us to the hotel and then to the store. He picked out the junk, while I picked out actual food. It was an odd thing to be walking around the grocery store with Jake shopping for food. Once we were satisfied with how much we were spending, we bought the food and took it back home to put in our new refrigerator. The day had passed quickly and it was already dusk when we were finished.
I picked up the cell phone while Jake idly flipped through the basic channels we got on the television in the living room. I bit my lip, then managed to find out how to click open a new message and typed in Charlie's work cell phone and sent him the number for this phone. I stared at it and barely a minute later I received a reply.
I figured out how to open it and saw:
Thanks honey. I love you.
I swallowed painfully and cried quietly in my new kitchen while the noise of the television in the background filtered in. I knew I was going to have to talk to Charlie soon; I missed him and I felt horrible about what I was doing. I needed him to know that I loved him, too, so with my hand shaking I sent him another message: I love you, too.
Sniffling quietly, I pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge and shuffled into the living room. "Jake?" I said. "I'm going to bed."
He glanced up at me. His brow wrinkled. "Are you okay? Do you want some company?"
I shook my head, shaking loose another few tears. "I need to be alone," I managed to mumble. Upstairs, I didn't even bother with brushing my teeth. I closed the shades and pulled the new covers back on the soft queen mattress supplied by Alice and as I pulled the covers up I tried to hide from the painful thoughts.
Edward… gone. Charlie. Jake leaving his family. Renee.
My mind circled back to Edward, and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, my lips shaking with the effort. I tossed and turned, trying to force my mind to think of other things. It took me a long time to fall asleep.
It didn't take long for the dreams to take hold of me. I kept running to Edward, only to see him being pulled away from me by nearly skeletal hands. I was never fast enough, good enough; I was always just short of enough. Interwoven in my dreams were the Cullen's and their anguish, Charlie alone. It was all too much.
Seeing Edward's beautiful face disappearing into the dark was enough to wake me from my sleep; I was distantly aware my scream was what woke me. My door burst open as Jake hurried into my room. I caught his hand as he reached out for me. There were no lines anymore, no boundaries, as Jake slid into my bed with me.
I held on to him for dear life, fear trying to take me over. Jake's warmth, his solid strength, his ease at consoling me began to settle me.
"I'm staying," he whispered against my ear. All I could do was nod.
He lay back in my bed, pulling me with him. His arms were wrapped around me, and I lay my head on his chest. His warmth and the steady thump of his heart lulled me back to sleep.
*~*~*
Chapter 4