Picking up the Pieces, 10: Progress
Title: Picking up the Pieces
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, future explicit sex)
Summary: Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex
*~*~*
So now that we've stopped hearing echoes/And now that the replay wore thin/Just remember who held you/Remember who held you/Remember who held you/Remember who held you/Surrounded. Let's romanticize our beloved memories/Surrounded. Let's demonize our softest injuries
*~*~*
BPOV
I sat in the waiting room of the newspaper office trying to refrain from biting my lip and jiggling my foot around. I was a professional, and I needed to act like one. It didn't matter that my life was a shambles right now. My possible boss wouldn't give a crap. So, I stilled my foot and picked up a magazine. As I paged through, my mind began flipping internally back to a few days ago. It was kind of hard to forget a day where you got angry when the man you were in love with finally kissed you, and it resulted in a glass being thrown at the wall.
I had stayed away from the reservation, opting to shop for a couple outfits that would fit the business-casual lifestyle. It wasn't quite me, but I couldn't exactly wear jeans. So, I ended up with a pair of black pants, khaki pants, and a skirt with a couple tops to match. It was unfortunate, but I had to borrow money from Charlie to pay for all of it, but if this all went well, I would be able to pay him back soon enough.
Feeling guilty and like a bad daughter, I tried to push the idea of an apartment close to Port Angeles as well, out of my mind. How could I leave him again even if I wasn't going very far?
"Isabella Swan?"
I looked up, the butterflies take flight in my stomach. Pasting a professional and friendly smile on, I hid it as I shook Mr. Newcomb's hand. He gave me a courteous smile as he pulled out a chair for me. Thanking him quietly, I sat down and willed my foot to stop fluttering around.
He flipped through my portfolio for a moment before looking up at me. "You have a strong writing style which I like. You're clear, concise, and you don't beat around the bush. As far as subject matter, it looks like you could stand to be a little more well-rounded, though."
I licked my lips nervously when he wasn't looking.
"It seems the school paper you wrote for didn't have you cover a range of subjects, but we could definitely use another younger voice here." My heart tripped in my chest as what he was saying began to sink in.
"So, I would like to hire you, but I will have you do a standard column for now and assist in reporting when necessary to build up your expertise and give you practice in journalism."
Trying not to squeal, I couldn't help the silly grin that snuck out for a moment before I quickly turned it back to the professional one. It caught him off-guard and he chuckled. "I take it that's a yes?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Thank you so much for giving me this chance, Mr. Newcomb."
He smiled, shaking my hand again. "Welcome aboard, Miss Swan. Now let me get you the necessary paperwork."
The rest of the time passed in a breeze as I felt real happiness again. Finally, my life seemed to be going somewhere, and I was doing something I had been going to school for. Maybe I hadn't finished, but I was being given a chance and managed to land a job. My grades spoke well of how hard I had worked, and I had told Mr. Newcomb before that I would continue the few classes or so I had left to officially have earned my degree.
I left the newspaper office, insurance forms and booklets carefully tucked into my bag, a smile beginning to widen on my face. To celebrate, I decided to head over to the little café that was advertising fresh clam chowder. The café was bright and cheery, painted a soft violet and pale yellow with dark wood tables and chairs. Artwork of all varieties adorned the walls. I ordered a bowl of soup and a tall glass of strawberry tea.
As I waited at a table by the window, the memory of another café in another place came to me…
The café was small; almost a dive, but they had amazing coffee and muffins. Ethan had been doing an open mic and strumming his guitar, his voice warm and fluid as he sang the first time I had gone there. It was where he asked me to meet him after talking for hours the first time. I didn't know what I was doing here, but it was too late now.
Ethan was sitting by the window, smiling at me. "I ordered you a Frappucino. I hope that's okay?"
I nodded. "Sure, that sounds good."
We talked about school, work, his singing and playing guitar, our hopes and dreams, and I began to feel like I truly was missing something. Edward had been mostly supportive of things I was doing, but we never really talked about our dreams. My dreams - and eventually his - had been centered on me becoming a vampire. Until my mind began to change.
Being with Ethan had reminded me of Jacob. The way we used to talk, to feel like we could confess anything to each other. It had been a major thing missing in my life.
So, when Ethan finished his coffee, he glanced up at me. "Would you… like to leave? With me?" His shyness and slight blush endeared me even more to him and before I realized what I was doing, I agreed.
The whole ride to Ethan's apartmen, a part of me was screaming incessantly that I was married and what the hell was I doing? The other part was so lonely - my marriage wasn't doing well and I missed Jake so much it hurt - that I couldn't talk myself out of it. Ethan led me inside, making small talk, obviously trying to calm both of us down.
He smiled when I gazed up at him from under my lashes, not sure what to do. When his lips connected with mine, I realized how much I craved intimacy. It was what spurred me to grasp his shoulders, open my mouth to his, and allow him to lead me to his bedroom. We kissed slowly, repeatedly, as he stroked my hair. Ethan pushed me down onto the bed gently, grabbing the hem of my shirt and dragging it up.
My breath was coming faster, my mind screaming louder about what I was doing, as Ethan's mouth moved to the swell of my breasts. Our hips were aligned, and I could feel him pressing down against me. He wasn't holding back. When his hands slid my pants down, I felt a rush of pleasure between my thighs. It wasn't mind-blowing, it didn't change my life, but it was nice to know he was concentrating on me and not just on keeping from hurting me.
It began to dawn on me more and more, though, as we began dry-humping each other. The tingles were working their way down, and he groaned softly as he held me, bringing me to orgasm and my senses at the same time.
"Oh my God," I gasped, alternately worked up and upset at what I was doing. "Ethan, I… I can't. I'm so s-sorry."
He was awkward, trying to cover up the fact that we had made each other come, as he backed away. "Bella, I don't understand," he started to say.
"This isn't right. It isn't fair to any of us. I'm so sorry, I keep screwing everything up." I started to cry.
He was remarkably gentle and was as understanding as he could be.
"I guess I shouldn't have asked. I mean, I knew you were married, but I thought… well, I didn't think."
We parted ways. I left, dejected, knowing he had actually liked me. I could have learned to like him more, but I was married, and I was still thinking of Jake. My life was so completely fucked up.
A bit of my high had faded as I began to eat my soup. Ethan had wanted to keep in touch with me, but then my death was faked, and I never heard another word. It ate away at me for awhile, and I truly wished he was happy now.
Lunch finished, I paid, and headed outside. I walked and walked until I found myself in front of Jake's apartment.
*~*~*
JPOV
It was finally an off day for work, and I was glad I could get a little extra sleep and not have to run around. My apartment felt so empty with Lila gone, though, and I couldn't seem to stop thinking about Bella especially since we hadn't talked after the blow up. So, it was quite a surprise when just as I was pouring a cup of coffee there was a knock on my door and it was her.
She looked peculiarly excited and dejected at the same time.
"Bella? What are you doing here?" I hadn't meant to sound cold, but she flinched a little. I cleared my throat. "Um, I mean, come in. Sorry."
She didn't meet my eyes. I sat on the sofa, and she perched on the opposite end carefully. "I was just… well, I had an interview. I was excited and wanted to share it."
Surprised that she came to me, my eyebrows raised. Somewhere buried deep, I was aware of being pleased that she had wanted to tell me first. "Yeah? Where at? And how did it go?"
"At the Peninsula Daily News," she said, her eyes gleaming. "It was where I found the job offer when I first got back, and I actually just got hired!"
"That's really great, Bella. It looks like you're trying to settle in," I said, getting up to get a little more coffee. It was more of fishing for an answer type of question.
She nodded, looking down at her hands. "Yes, I am. I meant it when I said that. The next thing I'd like to do is get an apartment in between Forks and Port Angeles. I don't want to go too far from Charlie…"
I offered her a bottle of water which she accepted.
"Yeah, I don't think he would want you to go far," I said calmly.
"I'm kind of worried about it. I don't know how he'll react," she said, still not meeting my eyes.
Had we really come to this? It seemed so hard to believe. We were always so comfortable together, not afraid to hold anything back, and shared pretty much every thought we had with each other. I had always been happy - well, minus the anger issues with the whole wolf thing - and thrilled to be with her. That hadn't really changed much. I was still happy to be with her, but there were so many other feelings jamming up the lines of communication with each other. We really had to try and work through that, though I knew she wasn't keen on talking about what happened. And every time I thought about what I did to my father, sister, and my brothers, I got angry. It was my own fault for leaving, but the blame always fell on her because she had left and never told me she was dying to save herself and everyone in Forks.
"It will take an adjustment, I'm sure. He lived without you, thinking you were dead, but Charlie knows you would want your own place eventually," I said.
She paused. "Yeah, I guess so."
I blurted out a question that had been on my mind for awhile now without thinking about it. "Are you safe now? You said this was done because of the Volturi. Will they look too closely?"
Bella fiddled with the end of her ponytail, drawing her lower lip into her mouth. "The Cullen's don't seem to think so. They don't have any reason to believe I'm alive when Edward and Carlisle made sure they knew of my… death," she murmured. "They said they would take care of things if anything were to arise."
Frowning, and feeling that stir of anger, I turned to her. "If the Cullen's show up here, Bella, I don't know if I can hold myself back. I'd like to destroy them like I should have from the beginning," I said, my voice harsh.
Her jaw twitched. "Jake, I don't want you involved in this. It's my problem, not yours. You made it clear I wasn't a huge concern for you since I came back."
My eyes narrowed on her. She was getting angry, too, and I couldn't help that the idea of it excited me a little.
"That's not what I meant, Bella," I said, gritting my teeth a bit. "I'm sorry if I can't move on and get over all this immediately. I would protect you from their manipulations, though, but I do not want them anywhere near La Push. If they come back, there will be a fight."
"And I'm asking you not to fly off the handle, Jacob. You have every right to protect the reservation - and I would do everything I could to help, too - but it might happen that they come here in regards to the Volturi," she snapped. "I don't want anything to happen to anyone."
"Even after all this time," I started incredulously, "you would still protect them?"
Bella threw her hands up in the air. "That isn't what this is about! Is it so much to ask that I want my life - and my friends and family - to finally have a little peace? That's all I ask for. I just want a normal life, Jake, not a war between anyone."
"I can understand that, but life isn't always that easy."
"No, it's not," she added, suddenly sounding so defeated that I felt some of my anger fading. "I'm tired of being a screw-up, of being told what I should and shouldn't do, and most of all of having someone out to destroy me because of some damn secret I found out about and wished I never heard of!"
She was pacing now, back and forth, the frustration obvious. It surprised me she had said that. Bella still wasn't talking much about Edward and what happened, but it was definitely becoming clearer that her life before was one she didn't want. Her need to find a job, an apartment, and spend time with friends and family was obviously something she was craving. It was what spurred me to stand up and block her pacing. It also led me - in my own frustration that there was still too much shit between us - to kiss her again.
I couldn't seem to help myself.
I'd had to test my theory before. I had left behind a perfectly good and sane relationship to try again with Bella after everything had gone down, and I had felt something stronger than I'd ever felt before when kissing her. It alternately thrilled and frustrated me.
She stiffened at first, but then her body gradually softened. I cupped the back of her head as I angled my mouth over hers. Not as hard and angry a kiss as before, but still with a roughness and heat that short-circuited my brain. Her lips parted; the soft rush of her exhaled breath mingling with mine.
Bella's hands curled into my shirt again and her body moved closer. My hand pressed to her back, pulling her in, while I tugged on her lower lip. Our mouths met again and took greedily. I traced her top-heavy lip with my tongue, feeling her open again and meet my tongue with her own.
Her smell of strawberries, the softness of her mouth, and the gentle dips and swells of her body against mine was overwhelming. The only sound was the soft, wet noise of our lips connecting and parting. Her body shivered slightly as I slid my palm along the bared skin above her jeans.
My breathing was very nearly shaky when we pulled apart. Bella's eyes were a little unfocused and her breathing matched mine. "I… um…" she stuttered.
We continued to stare at each other. There was a serious urge inside me to scoop her up and throw her on my bed, caveman-style, and just take her. It was so close to happening, but she backed up, at a loss for words.
"Jake, I have to go," she finally said.
All I could do was nod. It was probably the safest thing, otherwise this could go an entirely different way if I wasn't careful. And I don't think Bella - or even myself - was ready for that change.
"I, um, I'll talk to you s-soon," she stuttered again, her cheeks turning a little pink. It was always something I liked seeing. It showed how alive she really was.
When she left, I just stared out the window after, more confused than before.
*~*~*
BPOV
When I got home, Charlie was eager to hear how everything went. I worked up a smile for him, trying to draw on my original excitement, and told him how everything went. He was thrilled for me, making my smile a little more genuine.
"Honey, that's great," he said enthusiastically, giving me a hug. "This will be really good for you."
I figured it was now or never, too, to mention my idea of finding an apartment sometime soon. As I told him, I tried to gauge his reaction, but he remained pretty neutral.
"I'm not saying immediately," I assured him. "I just thought it'd be easier to be a little closer to Port Angeles for work, but not far for me to drive home during the week or weekend to spend time with you."
He smiled a little. "I know you're trying to appease me. It scares me, Bella, but I also know that you need to feel like you're moving on with your life in a normal way. I don't want you to feel like you're being held back by living here with me."
"Dad, no," I protested. "It's not that. I don't feel like that at all. It's hard for me to wrap my head around, too, but I want to make sure you're okay with this. I'm not going to make any major decisions without talking to you first."
"So, when you decide to get married one day, you're going to ask me first if that's okay? If you decide to have kids, you're going to ask me first?" He teased me gently.
I rolled my eyes at him, laughing a little. "You know what I mean."
He nodded his face sobering. "Honey, I want you to be happy. You haven't told me much of anything yet, but I know you weren't. I want you to live your life, to have fun, and grow up at a normal pace. I appreciate more than I can say how you consider me before you do anything, but I also don't want that to be a deterrent for you to do something."
"Am I more scared of things that can happen? Yes, I guess I am. Will I worry more about you? It's possible, but parents worry. It's what we do. But you're only going on twenty-two years old. You're young and should be thinking of jobs, moving out, and boys."
I felt my cheeks warm at the word boys because Jake was anything but, and it reminded me of just how affected I had been by that kiss.
"I'll look then," I assured him. "It won't be immediate, but I will look. I did step one already; got a job."
He ruffled my hair. "We'll take things one step at a time."
Upstairs, I showered, my mind drifting back to the kiss Jacob and I had shared. It had left me weak, wanting more, and I couldn't help noticing how everything in me had felt like it was coming alive at his touch. It had never felt like that for me before with anyone. There was something real and warm behind the frustration we were feeling. It had embarrassed me, but I had wanted him to hold on to me longer; to lead me to his bedroom, but we were both being careful.
Leah called me as I finished up brushing out my blow-dried hair. "You feel like going out?" she asked petulantly. "This asshat guy keeps calling me now, and I'm not interested. Maybe I can find a new guy and then he'll leave me alone."
I snorted. "Way to string them along, Leah."
"Better than you could do," she retorted cheerfully.
I just shook my head and agreed to go, though I promised myself it would be a one-drink night. It would be my celebratory drink for landing the job. I ate dinner with Charlie, agreed to a dinner out for my birthday in a couple days, and started to get ready.
When she came, I actually got her nod of approval after one outfit change. "That first one was a little I'm trying too hard, so look at me. You're getting better at this, Swan."
Trying to give Leah a shove out the door was like trying to move a brick wall, but she smiled appreciatively at my feisty effort. We headed into Port Angeles for a second time and went to a different bar.
She flirted incessantly with a very handsome Native man sitting with a couple friends while I tried to pretend I was interested in their conversation. They ended up just inviting us to sit with them.
"You should practice your flirting skills on his friend," Leah hissed in my ear, shoving her elbow into my ribs.
Wincing, I absently rubbed them as I hissed back, "No. I know how to flirt, and I'm not interested in flirting with anyone. Anyway, I kissed Jacob again."
Her eyebrows rose. "Hey, Bella here kissed the guy she's in love with!" she announced to the whole table.
Pissed, I opened my mouth to fire back at her, but they all raised their glasses. "Go Bella! Take what you want!" they all chimed in.
Sighing, I gave Leah an annoyed look, but relaxed. They were genuinely happy for me. Well, okay, they were drunk, but still happy, so I added, "And I got a job today, too!"
"Good for you," Leah murmured while they all gave another cheer.
Everyone added some bit of good news they got, and in the end, we all raised our glasses in a unanimous toast to all of us and our good fortune. I added a silent wish to our toast, clinked glasses, and took a sip.
*~*~*
Chapter 11
AN: Second kiss… getting better? ;) Anyway, hope you enjoyed!
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, future explicit sex)
Summary: Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex
*~*~*
So now that we've stopped hearing echoes/And now that the replay wore thin/Just remember who held you/Remember who held you/Remember who held you/Remember who held you/Surrounded. Let's romanticize our beloved memories/Surrounded. Let's demonize our softest injuries
*~*~*
BPOV
I sat in the waiting room of the newspaper office trying to refrain from biting my lip and jiggling my foot around. I was a professional, and I needed to act like one. It didn't matter that my life was a shambles right now. My possible boss wouldn't give a crap. So, I stilled my foot and picked up a magazine. As I paged through, my mind began flipping internally back to a few days ago. It was kind of hard to forget a day where you got angry when the man you were in love with finally kissed you, and it resulted in a glass being thrown at the wall.
I had stayed away from the reservation, opting to shop for a couple outfits that would fit the business-casual lifestyle. It wasn't quite me, but I couldn't exactly wear jeans. So, I ended up with a pair of black pants, khaki pants, and a skirt with a couple tops to match. It was unfortunate, but I had to borrow money from Charlie to pay for all of it, but if this all went well, I would be able to pay him back soon enough.
Feeling guilty and like a bad daughter, I tried to push the idea of an apartment close to Port Angeles as well, out of my mind. How could I leave him again even if I wasn't going very far?
"Isabella Swan?"
I looked up, the butterflies take flight in my stomach. Pasting a professional and friendly smile on, I hid it as I shook Mr. Newcomb's hand. He gave me a courteous smile as he pulled out a chair for me. Thanking him quietly, I sat down and willed my foot to stop fluttering around.
He flipped through my portfolio for a moment before looking up at me. "You have a strong writing style which I like. You're clear, concise, and you don't beat around the bush. As far as subject matter, it looks like you could stand to be a little more well-rounded, though."
I licked my lips nervously when he wasn't looking.
"It seems the school paper you wrote for didn't have you cover a range of subjects, but we could definitely use another younger voice here." My heart tripped in my chest as what he was saying began to sink in.
"So, I would like to hire you, but I will have you do a standard column for now and assist in reporting when necessary to build up your expertise and give you practice in journalism."
Trying not to squeal, I couldn't help the silly grin that snuck out for a moment before I quickly turned it back to the professional one. It caught him off-guard and he chuckled. "I take it that's a yes?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Thank you so much for giving me this chance, Mr. Newcomb."
He smiled, shaking my hand again. "Welcome aboard, Miss Swan. Now let me get you the necessary paperwork."
The rest of the time passed in a breeze as I felt real happiness again. Finally, my life seemed to be going somewhere, and I was doing something I had been going to school for. Maybe I hadn't finished, but I was being given a chance and managed to land a job. My grades spoke well of how hard I had worked, and I had told Mr. Newcomb before that I would continue the few classes or so I had left to officially have earned my degree.
I left the newspaper office, insurance forms and booklets carefully tucked into my bag, a smile beginning to widen on my face. To celebrate, I decided to head over to the little café that was advertising fresh clam chowder. The café was bright and cheery, painted a soft violet and pale yellow with dark wood tables and chairs. Artwork of all varieties adorned the walls. I ordered a bowl of soup and a tall glass of strawberry tea.
As I waited at a table by the window, the memory of another café in another place came to me…
The café was small; almost a dive, but they had amazing coffee and muffins. Ethan had been doing an open mic and strumming his guitar, his voice warm and fluid as he sang the first time I had gone there. It was where he asked me to meet him after talking for hours the first time. I didn't know what I was doing here, but it was too late now.
Ethan was sitting by the window, smiling at me. "I ordered you a Frappucino. I hope that's okay?"
I nodded. "Sure, that sounds good."
We talked about school, work, his singing and playing guitar, our hopes and dreams, and I began to feel like I truly was missing something. Edward had been mostly supportive of things I was doing, but we never really talked about our dreams. My dreams - and eventually his - had been centered on me becoming a vampire. Until my mind began to change.
Being with Ethan had reminded me of Jacob. The way we used to talk, to feel like we could confess anything to each other. It had been a major thing missing in my life.
So, when Ethan finished his coffee, he glanced up at me. "Would you… like to leave? With me?" His shyness and slight blush endeared me even more to him and before I realized what I was doing, I agreed.
The whole ride to Ethan's apartmen, a part of me was screaming incessantly that I was married and what the hell was I doing? The other part was so lonely - my marriage wasn't doing well and I missed Jake so much it hurt - that I couldn't talk myself out of it. Ethan led me inside, making small talk, obviously trying to calm both of us down.
He smiled when I gazed up at him from under my lashes, not sure what to do. When his lips connected with mine, I realized how much I craved intimacy. It was what spurred me to grasp his shoulders, open my mouth to his, and allow him to lead me to his bedroom. We kissed slowly, repeatedly, as he stroked my hair. Ethan pushed me down onto the bed gently, grabbing the hem of my shirt and dragging it up.
My breath was coming faster, my mind screaming louder about what I was doing, as Ethan's mouth moved to the swell of my breasts. Our hips were aligned, and I could feel him pressing down against me. He wasn't holding back. When his hands slid my pants down, I felt a rush of pleasure between my thighs. It wasn't mind-blowing, it didn't change my life, but it was nice to know he was concentrating on me and not just on keeping from hurting me.
It began to dawn on me more and more, though, as we began dry-humping each other. The tingles were working their way down, and he groaned softly as he held me, bringing me to orgasm and my senses at the same time.
"Oh my God," I gasped, alternately worked up and upset at what I was doing. "Ethan, I… I can't. I'm so s-sorry."
He was awkward, trying to cover up the fact that we had made each other come, as he backed away. "Bella, I don't understand," he started to say.
"This isn't right. It isn't fair to any of us. I'm so sorry, I keep screwing everything up." I started to cry.
He was remarkably gentle and was as understanding as he could be.
"I guess I shouldn't have asked. I mean, I knew you were married, but I thought… well, I didn't think."
We parted ways. I left, dejected, knowing he had actually liked me. I could have learned to like him more, but I was married, and I was still thinking of Jake. My life was so completely fucked up.
A bit of my high had faded as I began to eat my soup. Ethan had wanted to keep in touch with me, but then my death was faked, and I never heard another word. It ate away at me for awhile, and I truly wished he was happy now.
Lunch finished, I paid, and headed outside. I walked and walked until I found myself in front of Jake's apartment.
*~*~*
JPOV
It was finally an off day for work, and I was glad I could get a little extra sleep and not have to run around. My apartment felt so empty with Lila gone, though, and I couldn't seem to stop thinking about Bella especially since we hadn't talked after the blow up. So, it was quite a surprise when just as I was pouring a cup of coffee there was a knock on my door and it was her.
She looked peculiarly excited and dejected at the same time.
"Bella? What are you doing here?" I hadn't meant to sound cold, but she flinched a little. I cleared my throat. "Um, I mean, come in. Sorry."
She didn't meet my eyes. I sat on the sofa, and she perched on the opposite end carefully. "I was just… well, I had an interview. I was excited and wanted to share it."
Surprised that she came to me, my eyebrows raised. Somewhere buried deep, I was aware of being pleased that she had wanted to tell me first. "Yeah? Where at? And how did it go?"
"At the Peninsula Daily News," she said, her eyes gleaming. "It was where I found the job offer when I first got back, and I actually just got hired!"
"That's really great, Bella. It looks like you're trying to settle in," I said, getting up to get a little more coffee. It was more of fishing for an answer type of question.
She nodded, looking down at her hands. "Yes, I am. I meant it when I said that. The next thing I'd like to do is get an apartment in between Forks and Port Angeles. I don't want to go too far from Charlie…"
I offered her a bottle of water which she accepted.
"Yeah, I don't think he would want you to go far," I said calmly.
"I'm kind of worried about it. I don't know how he'll react," she said, still not meeting my eyes.
Had we really come to this? It seemed so hard to believe. We were always so comfortable together, not afraid to hold anything back, and shared pretty much every thought we had with each other. I had always been happy - well, minus the anger issues with the whole wolf thing - and thrilled to be with her. That hadn't really changed much. I was still happy to be with her, but there were so many other feelings jamming up the lines of communication with each other. We really had to try and work through that, though I knew she wasn't keen on talking about what happened. And every time I thought about what I did to my father, sister, and my brothers, I got angry. It was my own fault for leaving, but the blame always fell on her because she had left and never told me she was dying to save herself and everyone in Forks.
"It will take an adjustment, I'm sure. He lived without you, thinking you were dead, but Charlie knows you would want your own place eventually," I said.
She paused. "Yeah, I guess so."
I blurted out a question that had been on my mind for awhile now without thinking about it. "Are you safe now? You said this was done because of the Volturi. Will they look too closely?"
Bella fiddled with the end of her ponytail, drawing her lower lip into her mouth. "The Cullen's don't seem to think so. They don't have any reason to believe I'm alive when Edward and Carlisle made sure they knew of my… death," she murmured. "They said they would take care of things if anything were to arise."
Frowning, and feeling that stir of anger, I turned to her. "If the Cullen's show up here, Bella, I don't know if I can hold myself back. I'd like to destroy them like I should have from the beginning," I said, my voice harsh.
Her jaw twitched. "Jake, I don't want you involved in this. It's my problem, not yours. You made it clear I wasn't a huge concern for you since I came back."
My eyes narrowed on her. She was getting angry, too, and I couldn't help that the idea of it excited me a little.
"That's not what I meant, Bella," I said, gritting my teeth a bit. "I'm sorry if I can't move on and get over all this immediately. I would protect you from their manipulations, though, but I do not want them anywhere near La Push. If they come back, there will be a fight."
"And I'm asking you not to fly off the handle, Jacob. You have every right to protect the reservation - and I would do everything I could to help, too - but it might happen that they come here in regards to the Volturi," she snapped. "I don't want anything to happen to anyone."
"Even after all this time," I started incredulously, "you would still protect them?"
Bella threw her hands up in the air. "That isn't what this is about! Is it so much to ask that I want my life - and my friends and family - to finally have a little peace? That's all I ask for. I just want a normal life, Jake, not a war between anyone."
"I can understand that, but life isn't always that easy."
"No, it's not," she added, suddenly sounding so defeated that I felt some of my anger fading. "I'm tired of being a screw-up, of being told what I should and shouldn't do, and most of all of having someone out to destroy me because of some damn secret I found out about and wished I never heard of!"
She was pacing now, back and forth, the frustration obvious. It surprised me she had said that. Bella still wasn't talking much about Edward and what happened, but it was definitely becoming clearer that her life before was one she didn't want. Her need to find a job, an apartment, and spend time with friends and family was obviously something she was craving. It was what spurred me to stand up and block her pacing. It also led me - in my own frustration that there was still too much shit between us - to kiss her again.
I couldn't seem to help myself.
I'd had to test my theory before. I had left behind a perfectly good and sane relationship to try again with Bella after everything had gone down, and I had felt something stronger than I'd ever felt before when kissing her. It alternately thrilled and frustrated me.
She stiffened at first, but then her body gradually softened. I cupped the back of her head as I angled my mouth over hers. Not as hard and angry a kiss as before, but still with a roughness and heat that short-circuited my brain. Her lips parted; the soft rush of her exhaled breath mingling with mine.
Bella's hands curled into my shirt again and her body moved closer. My hand pressed to her back, pulling her in, while I tugged on her lower lip. Our mouths met again and took greedily. I traced her top-heavy lip with my tongue, feeling her open again and meet my tongue with her own.
Her smell of strawberries, the softness of her mouth, and the gentle dips and swells of her body against mine was overwhelming. The only sound was the soft, wet noise of our lips connecting and parting. Her body shivered slightly as I slid my palm along the bared skin above her jeans.
My breathing was very nearly shaky when we pulled apart. Bella's eyes were a little unfocused and her breathing matched mine. "I… um…" she stuttered.
We continued to stare at each other. There was a serious urge inside me to scoop her up and throw her on my bed, caveman-style, and just take her. It was so close to happening, but she backed up, at a loss for words.
"Jake, I have to go," she finally said.
All I could do was nod. It was probably the safest thing, otherwise this could go an entirely different way if I wasn't careful. And I don't think Bella - or even myself - was ready for that change.
"I, um, I'll talk to you s-soon," she stuttered again, her cheeks turning a little pink. It was always something I liked seeing. It showed how alive she really was.
When she left, I just stared out the window after, more confused than before.
*~*~*
BPOV
When I got home, Charlie was eager to hear how everything went. I worked up a smile for him, trying to draw on my original excitement, and told him how everything went. He was thrilled for me, making my smile a little more genuine.
"Honey, that's great," he said enthusiastically, giving me a hug. "This will be really good for you."
I figured it was now or never, too, to mention my idea of finding an apartment sometime soon. As I told him, I tried to gauge his reaction, but he remained pretty neutral.
"I'm not saying immediately," I assured him. "I just thought it'd be easier to be a little closer to Port Angeles for work, but not far for me to drive home during the week or weekend to spend time with you."
He smiled a little. "I know you're trying to appease me. It scares me, Bella, but I also know that you need to feel like you're moving on with your life in a normal way. I don't want you to feel like you're being held back by living here with me."
"Dad, no," I protested. "It's not that. I don't feel like that at all. It's hard for me to wrap my head around, too, but I want to make sure you're okay with this. I'm not going to make any major decisions without talking to you first."
"So, when you decide to get married one day, you're going to ask me first if that's okay? If you decide to have kids, you're going to ask me first?" He teased me gently.
I rolled my eyes at him, laughing a little. "You know what I mean."
He nodded his face sobering. "Honey, I want you to be happy. You haven't told me much of anything yet, but I know you weren't. I want you to live your life, to have fun, and grow up at a normal pace. I appreciate more than I can say how you consider me before you do anything, but I also don't want that to be a deterrent for you to do something."
"Am I more scared of things that can happen? Yes, I guess I am. Will I worry more about you? It's possible, but parents worry. It's what we do. But you're only going on twenty-two years old. You're young and should be thinking of jobs, moving out, and boys."
I felt my cheeks warm at the word boys because Jake was anything but, and it reminded me of just how affected I had been by that kiss.
"I'll look then," I assured him. "It won't be immediate, but I will look. I did step one already; got a job."
He ruffled my hair. "We'll take things one step at a time."
Upstairs, I showered, my mind drifting back to the kiss Jacob and I had shared. It had left me weak, wanting more, and I couldn't help noticing how everything in me had felt like it was coming alive at his touch. It had never felt like that for me before with anyone. There was something real and warm behind the frustration we were feeling. It had embarrassed me, but I had wanted him to hold on to me longer; to lead me to his bedroom, but we were both being careful.
Leah called me as I finished up brushing out my blow-dried hair. "You feel like going out?" she asked petulantly. "This asshat guy keeps calling me now, and I'm not interested. Maybe I can find a new guy and then he'll leave me alone."
I snorted. "Way to string them along, Leah."
"Better than you could do," she retorted cheerfully.
I just shook my head and agreed to go, though I promised myself it would be a one-drink night. It would be my celebratory drink for landing the job. I ate dinner with Charlie, agreed to a dinner out for my birthday in a couple days, and started to get ready.
When she came, I actually got her nod of approval after one outfit change. "That first one was a little I'm trying too hard, so look at me. You're getting better at this, Swan."
Trying to give Leah a shove out the door was like trying to move a brick wall, but she smiled appreciatively at my feisty effort. We headed into Port Angeles for a second time and went to a different bar.
She flirted incessantly with a very handsome Native man sitting with a couple friends while I tried to pretend I was interested in their conversation. They ended up just inviting us to sit with them.
"You should practice your flirting skills on his friend," Leah hissed in my ear, shoving her elbow into my ribs.
Wincing, I absently rubbed them as I hissed back, "No. I know how to flirt, and I'm not interested in flirting with anyone. Anyway, I kissed Jacob again."
Her eyebrows rose. "Hey, Bella here kissed the guy she's in love with!" she announced to the whole table.
Pissed, I opened my mouth to fire back at her, but they all raised their glasses. "Go Bella! Take what you want!" they all chimed in.
Sighing, I gave Leah an annoyed look, but relaxed. They were genuinely happy for me. Well, okay, they were drunk, but still happy, so I added, "And I got a job today, too!"
"Good for you," Leah murmured while they all gave another cheer.
Everyone added some bit of good news they got, and in the end, we all raised our glasses in a unanimous toast to all of us and our good fortune. I added a silent wish to our toast, clinked glasses, and took a sip.
*~*~*
Chapter 11
AN: Second kiss… getting better? ;) Anyway, hope you enjoyed!