Talking about life...May 30th
"Hello platonic male friend whom I feel comfortable talking to. Because we have spoken to each other before, I believe we can reach the next level of friendship by spilling our secrets to one another. Of course, if you have even the slightest hint of showing more interest in me than I can tolerate, I will tell everyone how bad of a person you are and avoid you for the rest of my life," said a friend who was a girl but made a clear distinction that she was not my girlfriend.
"Okay, so what's your secret?" I asked, with no intentions of making a move on this girl (named Luna).
"I have a crush on your friend," she declared. "And no, this is not an attempt to pretend I have a crush on someone else in order to get closer to you."
"Which friend?" I asked, "Is it Joe? Because he's not into your type."
The girl laughed. "No silly, I have a crush on your friend Sasha!"
"But Sasha's a girl."
She raised an eyebrow threateningly. "Do you have a problem with that?"
I took a step back. "Oh no, not at all. It's just that the last time I checked, she's not a lesbian."
Luna took a step forward. "Yeah, and the last time I checked, I wasn't into girls either, but guess what? I TOTALLY AM!"
I took two steps back. "Yeah, okay I'm just not gonna help set you up for disappointment, you know."
Luna took two steps forward. "Well that's why I'm getting you to help me. You be my boyfriend, and you be her boyfriend as well. Then she 'finds out' that you're 'cheating on' her, and she and I will team up against you. Our hate against you will turn into love for one another."
Okay so now she wanted to be my girlfriend, and it really seemed like she was using her crush to get closer to me. Our little maneuvers also looked like we were doing the tango, but it was far less romantic and smooth.
"What the heck? That's totally absurd! I'll never agree to that because One: that's confusing and stupid, Two: it will never work, and more importantly Three: I don't get anything out of this."
Luna glared at me. She told me that she loved me, but she loved Sasha so much more. She felt that she could spend 9 months having a biological child with me, but she'd rather spend a lifetime raising adopted children with Sasha. She'd go skydiving with me, but she'd rather go tandem with Sasha. Luna said so many things: none of which really made sense to me, and I ended up being kinda confused.
In the end, all I heard was: Sasha. Sasha. Sasha.
"Okay so you're saying that I'm a cool guy, but Sasha's so much cooler than me."
"Naturally."
"Why are you saying that? Aren't you trying to get me to help you?" I asked.
"Because she's so wonderful and lovely, even you would do anything for her I bet."
I laughed, because the only girl I'd do anything for was a ten year old girl called MY SISTER. And...she wasn't around.
"Oh yeah," said Luna, "and the reason why I'm totally sure you'll help me is because...I'm holding your sister hostage."
I sighed. Dang it.
"Okay, so what's your secret?" I asked, with no intentions of making a move on this girl (named Luna).
"I have a crush on your friend," she declared. "And no, this is not an attempt to pretend I have a crush on someone else in order to get closer to you."
"Which friend?" I asked, "Is it Joe? Because he's not into your type."
The girl laughed. "No silly, I have a crush on your friend Sasha!"
"But Sasha's a girl."
She raised an eyebrow threateningly. "Do you have a problem with that?"
I took a step back. "Oh no, not at all. It's just that the last time I checked, she's not a lesbian."
Luna took a step forward. "Yeah, and the last time I checked, I wasn't into girls either, but guess what? I TOTALLY AM!"
I took two steps back. "Yeah, okay I'm just not gonna help set you up for disappointment, you know."
Luna took two steps forward. "Well that's why I'm getting you to help me. You be my boyfriend, and you be her boyfriend as well. Then she 'finds out' that you're 'cheating on' her, and she and I will team up against you. Our hate against you will turn into love for one another."
Okay so now she wanted to be my girlfriend, and it really seemed like she was using her crush to get closer to me. Our little maneuvers also looked like we were doing the tango, but it was far less romantic and smooth.
"What the heck? That's totally absurd! I'll never agree to that because One: that's confusing and stupid, Two: it will never work, and more importantly Three: I don't get anything out of this."
Luna glared at me. She told me that she loved me, but she loved Sasha so much more. She felt that she could spend 9 months having a biological child with me, but she'd rather spend a lifetime raising adopted children with Sasha. She'd go skydiving with me, but she'd rather go tandem with Sasha. Luna said so many things: none of which really made sense to me, and I ended up being kinda confused.
In the end, all I heard was: Sasha. Sasha. Sasha.
"Okay so you're saying that I'm a cool guy, but Sasha's so much cooler than me."
"Naturally."
"Why are you saying that? Aren't you trying to get me to help you?" I asked.
"Because she's so wonderful and lovely, even you would do anything for her I bet."
I laughed, because the only girl I'd do anything for was a ten year old girl called MY SISTER. And...she wasn't around.
"Oh yeah," said Luna, "and the reason why I'm totally sure you'll help me is because...I'm holding your sister hostage."
I sighed. Dang it.