speechless
Yesterday I found out some really difficult news to swallow. A guy from Altona, which I was certainly acquaintences with, killed himself yesterday morning. I'm having the hardest time taking this in. It's not like I was good friends with him or anything like that at all...but I've certainly spent time with him and other people, and I've talked to him on more than one occasion. It's just hitting me so hard...people are here one second, and you have no clue how long you actually have them for. My heart is hurting so badly for him and his whole family. Apparently he was extremely depressed (possibly even diagnosed as being manic depressive...that was unsure)...and so I feel terrible that he was the one that had to fight through that on his own, and that he felt so powerless against the disease that he felt as though he could no longer go on. The more and more I think about this, the harder it is for me to breathe. Why him? Why didn't I appreciate him more than I did...even though I only ever talked to him once ever long while. What was the last thing I ever said to him? What were his last few moments like? Why is it so much different when someone much older dies? It's like when that happens, it's supposed to...it's inevitable. He wasn't supposed to die...he was so young. I've NEVER had anyone relatively close to my age that I knew personally die. A couple of months ago a couple of people died from Winkler in a car accident. A lot of people I know knew them personally and had extremely close relationships with them, and watching them deal with it was really hard...but this is so different. He chose to take his life...
Oh my god, this is just so hard or me to fathom. It's hard to think that...this person doesn't exist anymore...how does it work to be here one minute and be gone the next. I knew this guy since I was little...him and my brother always played together. Then we all grew up, and I sometimes hung out with him (because of mutual friends). It's not like I knew him well at all...but I was still very aware of him as a human. I know who his family is. I know who his friends are. I know what kind of plans he had for his life...
I don't know if talking about this really helps at all...but it helps me to lay it out and take a look at everything. Death has always been a really hard thing for me to grasp and understand.
My heart goes out to you, Jeremy and your family...
...
Oh my god, this is just so hard or me to fathom. It's hard to think that...this person doesn't exist anymore...how does it work to be here one minute and be gone the next. I knew this guy since I was little...him and my brother always played together. Then we all grew up, and I sometimes hung out with him (because of mutual friends). It's not like I knew him well at all...but I was still very aware of him as a human. I know who his family is. I know who his friends are. I know what kind of plans he had for his life...
I don't know if talking about this really helps at all...but it helps me to lay it out and take a look at everything. Death has always been a really hard thing for me to grasp and understand.
My heart goes out to you, Jeremy and your family...
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