And now, some words from your friendly neighborhood block captain.
[Earlier in the evening the Hoffman's held their annual Christmas Party. You may have noticed quite a few cars out in front and people passing packages back and forth. It was pretty attractive.
But some things happened. There was a rabid and roaming squirrel. There was an awful old woman who lit the tree on fire. There was a very quiet home delivery. A dog barked. A cat was flung out of a window to land in the snow in the hopes of putting it out because it may or may not have been on fire (it wasn't) and Clark W. Grizwald Mark W. Hoffman just found out that Fooddyne industries is not paying bonuses to the men and women who work for them.
And so have a very disgruntled looking Mark Hoffman in a torn Christmas sweater staring at the camera very nearly and very clearly on edge.]
...I would like, to extend apologies to all of my friends on the block committee and just visiting in town, for the pyrotechnics display that happened just outside.
[What, you didn't see it?]
It was unscheduled and not part of my family's Christmas celebrations. You know, I'd like to take a moment to talk about Christmas and just what it means for all of us.
[There's an angry sound in the background that sounds like it could be someone screaming.]
Christmas is a time that, for good or ill humanity spends two weeks celebrating the return of the sun, the birth of a son, and togetherness at the beginning of the winter season. For good or ill we're shoved together to talk to one another, buy gifts, and give thanks to the fact that another year has happened. You see that's just it, years happen. Things keep going on, and no matter what any of us try to do everything is going to keep moving forward.
So the question is, why do we do it. Why do we force ourselves to buy gifts to thank other people for the simple joy of existing. Why do we put the time and effort into accomplishing anything in relation to Christmas when everyone eventually is going to shit on everything that you do, consume it, poop it out again, and then ask you very happily if you like just how much effort they put into completely and utterly destroying what you created and what you loved to do!
[He's heaving] Christmas isn't a magic general time for you to get what you want! It's the magic time when you're supposed to shut the hell up and tolerate everything because two weeks out of the mother-fucking year are two more weeks then people spend tolerating each other! So you should all shut up and just accept that some people wanted to give you a good time and a very-merry-Christmas! [heaving, breathing hard and heavy]
Jesus Christ, Hallelujah, Holy Shit! I need to find a fucking tree
[And the video cuts.]
[It comes back on to reveal a man wearing a Jason Vorhees hockey mask with a very large, very loud chainsaw. He's going Christmas tree hunting. Woe betide you.]
But some things happened. There was a rabid and roaming squirrel. There was an awful old woman who lit the tree on fire. There was a very quiet home delivery. A dog barked. A cat was flung out of a window to land in the snow in the hopes of putting it out because it may or may not have been on fire (it wasn't) and Clark W. Grizwald Mark W. Hoffman just found out that Fooddyne industries is not paying bonuses to the men and women who work for them.
And so have a very disgruntled looking Mark Hoffman in a torn Christmas sweater staring at the camera very nearly and very clearly on edge.]
...I would like, to extend apologies to all of my friends on the block committee and just visiting in town, for the pyrotechnics display that happened just outside.
[What, you didn't see it?]
It was unscheduled and not part of my family's Christmas celebrations. You know, I'd like to take a moment to talk about Christmas and just what it means for all of us.
[There's an angry sound in the background that sounds like it could be someone screaming.]
Christmas is a time that, for good or ill humanity spends two weeks celebrating the return of the sun, the birth of a son, and togetherness at the beginning of the winter season. For good or ill we're shoved together to talk to one another, buy gifts, and give thanks to the fact that another year has happened. You see that's just it, years happen. Things keep going on, and no matter what any of us try to do everything is going to keep moving forward.
So the question is, why do we do it. Why do we force ourselves to buy gifts to thank other people for the simple joy of existing. Why do we put the time and effort into accomplishing anything in relation to Christmas when everyone eventually is going to shit on everything that you do, consume it, poop it out again, and then ask you very happily if you like just how much effort they put into completely and utterly destroying what you created and what you loved to do!
[He's heaving] Christmas isn't a magic general time for you to get what you want! It's the magic time when you're supposed to shut the hell up and tolerate everything because two weeks out of the mother-fucking year are two more weeks then people spend tolerating each other! So you should all shut up and just accept that some people wanted to give you a good time and a very-merry-Christmas! [heaving, breathing hard and heavy]
Jesus Christ, Hallelujah, Holy Shit! I need to find a fucking tree
[And the video cuts.]
[It comes back on to reveal a man wearing a Jason Vorhees hockey mask with a very large, very loud chainsaw. He's going Christmas tree hunting. Woe betide you.]