it's such a fine line
I realized that I have not given any type of update so far in 2006. There's a variety of reasons why (school being crazy, Mark being home through late January), but what's going on is this:
- I'm halfway through Spring quarter. Classes are okay, and actually quite easy when compared to last quarter's. It's good, because I can actually just sit back and enjoy learning, but there's also a really sick part of me that loves all-nighters spent writing about liberation theology. If there's any way that I define myself, it's through working hard and I haven't exactly been doing that lately.
- With that being said, I'm so ready to move on. This is my fifth quarter at Ohio State and my third year at the Graham School. I don't even want to think about how long I've been in Columbus. Part of everything at this point is figuring out that there are definitely things I love about being here but still coming to the realization that there's not much here for me at this particular moment. Maybe I'll be back after school in New York. I'm not sure. Everything here is so different now than it was even a year ago. I've watched all my friends move along to wonderful things, and it's my turn now. I guess this is growing up?
- My letter from Barnard is in the top drawer of my desk, and I can barely go a day without visiting barnard.edu or columbia.edu. I still feel undeserving. I still feel like I'm going to wake up any minute now and the Ivy League will revert to the hyperbolic patrician joke it was two months ago. I'm this outspoken, activist, loud mess of a girl who grew up eating tv dinners in lower middle class neighborhoods. Until I was about fourteen, I thought private schools and Ivy League universities were a historical relic that only existed in the books I read. Until I came to Graham, I was always the smart kid with serious underachievement issues. I didn't really excel in anything, I was a decent student in middle school despite never doing homework but mostly existed in the shadows of my peers.
The point is, in many ways, I feel like the last person who should be going to Barnard. How desperately out of place will I feel, surrounded by girls who all their lives have been pushed and told that this is something that they can and should do? Will I be swallowed alive by an institutional culture that is all about moving on to the next best, most prestigious thing? I see Barnard girls (and I'm probably wrong) as this epitome of perfection-- they picked the right classes, they got perfect GPAs and fed the homeless while doing it, dressed in sweaters and pearls. I'm this mass of imperfections. There are things I could have done better in high school. There are classes I should have taken, grades I shouldn't have gotten, things I could have changed or programs I could have started but I lacked the energy or just felt like hanging out with my boyfriend instead. Pre-fab Ivy League supergirl I am not.
- I am getting a lot more involved in pro-choice activism. I'm hopefully going to start being a clinic escort soon. Also, I may start interning for Ted Strickland's campaign soon which is exciting because I haven't worked on a campaign in over a year and I really, really want that energy again.
- I have also been cooking some pretty fabulous meals.
- I'm halfway through Spring quarter. Classes are okay, and actually quite easy when compared to last quarter's. It's good, because I can actually just sit back and enjoy learning, but there's also a really sick part of me that loves all-nighters spent writing about liberation theology. If there's any way that I define myself, it's through working hard and I haven't exactly been doing that lately.
- With that being said, I'm so ready to move on. This is my fifth quarter at Ohio State and my third year at the Graham School. I don't even want to think about how long I've been in Columbus. Part of everything at this point is figuring out that there are definitely things I love about being here but still coming to the realization that there's not much here for me at this particular moment. Maybe I'll be back after school in New York. I'm not sure. Everything here is so different now than it was even a year ago. I've watched all my friends move along to wonderful things, and it's my turn now. I guess this is growing up?
- My letter from Barnard is in the top drawer of my desk, and I can barely go a day without visiting barnard.edu or columbia.edu. I still feel undeserving. I still feel like I'm going to wake up any minute now and the Ivy League will revert to the hyperbolic patrician joke it was two months ago. I'm this outspoken, activist, loud mess of a girl who grew up eating tv dinners in lower middle class neighborhoods. Until I was about fourteen, I thought private schools and Ivy League universities were a historical relic that only existed in the books I read. Until I came to Graham, I was always the smart kid with serious underachievement issues. I didn't really excel in anything, I was a decent student in middle school despite never doing homework but mostly existed in the shadows of my peers.
The point is, in many ways, I feel like the last person who should be going to Barnard. How desperately out of place will I feel, surrounded by girls who all their lives have been pushed and told that this is something that they can and should do? Will I be swallowed alive by an institutional culture that is all about moving on to the next best, most prestigious thing? I see Barnard girls (and I'm probably wrong) as this epitome of perfection-- they picked the right classes, they got perfect GPAs and fed the homeless while doing it, dressed in sweaters and pearls. I'm this mass of imperfections. There are things I could have done better in high school. There are classes I should have taken, grades I shouldn't have gotten, things I could have changed or programs I could have started but I lacked the energy or just felt like hanging out with my boyfriend instead. Pre-fab Ivy League supergirl I am not.
- I am getting a lot more involved in pro-choice activism. I'm hopefully going to start being a clinic escort soon. Also, I may start interning for Ted Strickland's campaign soon which is exciting because I haven't worked on a campaign in over a year and I really, really want that energy again.
- I have also been cooking some pretty fabulous meals.