stress over-load
Well, I just wrote a ton of stuff about how stressed i am and overloaded with work and aiden raising alone, and it got deleted.
Suffice to say, Aiden’s on spring break all week, ryan’s gone and my mom is sick so she’s being an even bigger bitch than usual.
I hate everybody in this house with the exception of myself and aiden. I cook, clean or provide child-care CONSTANTLY. i never ever ever get a break or a day off. that’s completely out of the question. to even get ryan to watch aiden for a limited period of time is an argument.
Ryan and I have also been fighting completely out of control. yesterday there was a blow up that rivaled world war 3, because i asked ryan to buy me cigarettes and a cup of coffee at the wawa down the street (total cost MAYBE 11$).
To day i need him to purchase hair dye on amazon.com, i hope it’s not going to be a huge fight because i have the cash for it, i just don’t have a plastic card to use to buy it.
I need hair dye because i attempted to dye my hair pink, used manic panic after bleaching and it turned out what i’m reffering to as “fairy pink” when i wanted a “punk rock pink.” not to mention ryan’s working on easter and refused to contribute financially to anything i got aiden for the holiday i would hope that since i have the cash he will just get the hair dye without a major fight. but then again it’s ryan, so who the hell knows.
I swear, being bipolar or not, I’d be able to be on a whole hell of a lot less medication if ryan and my mom didn’t live with me.
I’m sick of having to take care of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare, etc..completely by myself when there’s 3 grown adults living in this house who are perfectly capable of helping out.
I’m thinking about cancelling the trip to wisconsin to visit ryan’s family. to them no matter what ryan does i’m the reason we have marital problems. The last thing i need is more than just the two adult i live with ganging up on me, not to mention the fact that they are gonna try a spiritual intervention the way the always do…”pray your problems away”…sorry, but either God doesn’t like or something else because that never does work for me.
I’m so fed up, i wish i could just pick up and leave. i wish i could support myself financially without ryan because I’m fed up with this. i have a degree in psy.
Okay, game plan: this sunday i AM buying a paper and working on resumes. I need a job and to be out of this house and able to support aiden and myself alone because i know ryan will withdrawl any (even minimal) financial support once i move out with aiden. He’s done it in the past when i havn’t moved out. *sigh* so tired of living with stress and tention so strong you can just feel it in the air.
Suffice to say, Aiden’s on spring break all week, ryan’s gone and my mom is sick so she’s being an even bigger bitch than usual.
I hate everybody in this house with the exception of myself and aiden. I cook, clean or provide child-care CONSTANTLY. i never ever ever get a break or a day off. that’s completely out of the question. to even get ryan to watch aiden for a limited period of time is an argument.
Ryan and I have also been fighting completely out of control. yesterday there was a blow up that rivaled world war 3, because i asked ryan to buy me cigarettes and a cup of coffee at the wawa down the street (total cost MAYBE 11$).
To day i need him to purchase hair dye on amazon.com, i hope it’s not going to be a huge fight because i have the cash for it, i just don’t have a plastic card to use to buy it.
I need hair dye because i attempted to dye my hair pink, used manic panic after bleaching and it turned out what i’m reffering to as “fairy pink” when i wanted a “punk rock pink.” not to mention ryan’s working on easter and refused to contribute financially to anything i got aiden for the holiday i would hope that since i have the cash he will just get the hair dye without a major fight. but then again it’s ryan, so who the hell knows.
I swear, being bipolar or not, I’d be able to be on a whole hell of a lot less medication if ryan and my mom didn’t live with me.
I’m sick of having to take care of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare, etc..completely by myself when there’s 3 grown adults living in this house who are perfectly capable of helping out.
I’m thinking about cancelling the trip to wisconsin to visit ryan’s family. to them no matter what ryan does i’m the reason we have marital problems. The last thing i need is more than just the two adult i live with ganging up on me, not to mention the fact that they are gonna try a spiritual intervention the way the always do…”pray your problems away”…sorry, but either God doesn’t like or something else because that never does work for me.
I’m so fed up, i wish i could just pick up and leave. i wish i could support myself financially without ryan because I’m fed up with this. i have a degree in psy.
Okay, game plan: this sunday i AM buying a paper and working on resumes. I need a job and to be out of this house and able to support aiden and myself alone because i know ryan will withdrawl any (even minimal) financial support once i move out with aiden. He’s done it in the past when i havn’t moved out. *sigh* so tired of living with stress and tention so strong you can just feel it in the air.