(no subject)
Warning: 100+ pictures, some sim nudity, and poor attempts at humour.
Meet Dana Klepto. She's a Leo who likes hard working blondes, and dislikes sims who wear makeup. Her OTH is Music and Dance.
Dana: Where am I? Who's talking?
Shh. We have business to attend to.
Dana is a grilled cheese sim...
Dana: No, I'm not! I'm knowle...
Dana: Actually, now that you mention it, I think I am more of a grilled cheese type of person. Who needs wisdom, anyway?
That's my girl.
Even with zero cooking points, she makes a perfect sandwich.
Dana: Hey! Someone left me a present!
Yeah, it's a computer.
Dana: DON'T RUIN THE SURPRISE, SURPRISE RUINER!
Dana: -Mutters.- Stupid disembodied voice... I like surprises... Take that! RAAAA!
The welcome wagon was full of playables, but Dana was quite interested in Gilbert Jacquet.
>
Gilbert: Criminals are awful people.
Gilbert: We should slather them in hooker make-up, and make them wear pink dresses!
Gilbert: Some day... I'd like to go on vacation to the far east...
Dana: What is this guy talking about?
I don't know, Dee, I don't have Bon Voyage.
Dana: How do you feel about grilled cheese?
Gilbert: I love grilled cheese!
Dana: +500
Dana: My philosophy about grilled cheese is...
Gilbert: SHUT UP, NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK.
Dana: But.. I'm..
Gilbert: LA LA LA LA! -350
Dana: -Awkward smile.- Disembodied voice, make him go away, please?
Done!
-Flappy arms- Zombie matchmaker! Zombie matchmaker! Zombie matchmaker!
Since Dana is broke, I sent her downtown instead of using the ZOMBIE MATCHMAKER.
-Flails- Zombie bartender! I think the host is adorable. He reminds me of a panda!
Dana's got ~fierce moves.~
All the lots she visited were full of old people, zombies, and women. =[
Then he walked by...
Sinjin: I'm into big, beautiful women. Can I fatten you up? I have lots of cake back at my place.
Dana: No. Grilled cheese is far superior to cake!
Sinjin: I have fancy learnings, don't talk to me about grilled cheese.
So she found someone else to talk to.
His name is Zaitrarrio Gonzaga and he has painted many ~masterpieces.~
Zaitrarrio Gonzaga shuns grilled cheese and hugs!
But beating a woman with a sack full of bricks is perfectly okay!
Dana: There, I met a man. I'm tired and hungry, can I go home now?
Yes, fine.
Dana: Wow! Rain! -Splash-
I thought you were tired and hungry?
And now it's time for Performance Art, by Dana:
Dana: I'm a little tea pot, short and stout!
Dana: Here is my handle...
Dana: Here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout...
Dana: Tip me over and pour me out!
-Applause.-
Dana: So, um, Zaitrarrio Gonzaga, would you like to go out on a date? I promise not to hug you or talk about grilled cheese.
How to seduce a man, a tutorial by Dana Klepto:
Step 1: Gossip about someone you barely know.
Dana: Did you HEAR about Malcolm Landgaaab? He's gone bankrupt and had to get a job working for the city as part of the welcome wagon!
Zaitrarrio: ZOMG! ++
Step Two: Search for erogenous zones.
Dana: You look tense, baby. Let me work out those knots.
Zaitrarrio: -Melts.-
Step Four: Look deeply into his eyes, then make your move.
Dana: Your eyes are the colour of... -Snogs-
Success! (They weren't even best friends, yet. o______o)
Dana: What a memorable first time. Wanna come back to my place?
Zaitrarrio: Yeah, su.. Wait, you were a virgin?
Dana: Excuse me, I didn't invite you here so you could play SSX3.
WE NOW INTERRUPT THIS DATE TO BRING YOU:
Dana's long lost, red-headed townie twin!
Dana: Hey, you kind of look like me.
Noelle: Are you serious? I look way smarter than you.
WE NOW RETURN TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED MAN-BAITING.
Dana: Hey, baby. We didn't use protection, so I wanted to know.. How much money do you have? If I'm pregnant I want to know you'll be able to support me.
Zaitrarrio: Oh, don't worry. I'm loaded!
Dana: -Falls in love immediately.-
Dana: Hey, you know it's been my dream since I was a little girl to marry my first. Maybe we should get hitched, eh?
Zaitrarrio: But... We only met yester... LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT ROCK! HELL YES!
Why do you have a bad memory of getting engaged, Dee? Your secondary aspiration is FAMILY. I also love how Learned Townie Twin and Random Walkby ran over to watch them get engaged.
A private, livingroom wedding. How ~romantic.~
Zaitrarrio Klepto, henceforth known as Zee, is a popularity sim who likes clean girls in their underwear, and dislikes redheads. His OTH is also music and dance, and I can't remember his star sign.
And he didn't lie about his monies, he moved in with 18 grand. Hell yeah! Time to upgrade the shack.
Who needs two poker tables and two dance spheres? Also, what are the sunflowers for?
Zee: I got them to match to kitchen, but SOMEONE can't tell the difference between orange and taupe.
Oh. Okay.
Dee? Where you going?
Dana: This window is... Disappointing.
And the ten windows you passed to look at that one aren't?!
With the redecorating out of the way, it's time to make their marriage legitimate.... HAY YOU TWO AREN'T VIRGINS! Liars!
Dana: GROSS, my husband is on the toilet!
Uh.. Why would you go in the bathroom then?
Dana: Blarrrrg...
Oh.
Zee, your pregnant wife is making you grilled cheese, will you wait... WHAT IS THAT?!
Dana, why are you putting mustard on grilled cheese?
Dana: SHUT UP! That's how I like it!
Oookay.
LOL. I think i need to buy them bigger chairs.
Zee gets started on the founder portrait.
A day in the life of a Dana:
First you dance with your husband!
Then you pass out in your grilled cheese!
You get out of bed to mysteriously grow a larger belly!
As the end of another productive day is drawing nearer, you play the piano badly.
~Oh, to be Dana.~
Zee: Oh, my dearest darling, heavily pregnant wife. Will you please serve me one of your fine mustard and grilled cheese sandwiches?
Dana: Oh, Zee, I'd be delighted to, but...
Dana: Something feels kind of weird! It hurts! What's happening?! Zee?
And where is that rascal Zaitrarrio?
He decided he didn't want mustardy grilled cheese after all and went to sleep.
A boy, Vin, with all his mother's colourings. Oh, Zee, how nice of you to get out of bed and join us.
Dana: Here, you hold him. -Stare.-
Zee: Okay, your turn.
Dana: -Stare.- Your turn, I have to go to work.
They spent FOUR SIM HOURS passing poor Vin back and forth. As soon as Dana's carpool drove off, Zee immediately put Vin on the floor to go play the piano. What stellar parents.
This is my first legacy! Let me know what you think, huh? I'm sure I could use all sorts of improvement.