(no subject)
i skipped class again today. because i didn't think it was the best thing for me to go and I ended up getting two more gifts for alaric for valentine's day and then leaving for his house. i think he'll be happy with what i got him. and when i got there we cuddled and kissed and before he went to work i gave him the heart shaped stone that is supposed to promote inner strength with it's energies, which he needs because when i talked to him earlier today he was talking about how his family is being really horrible as always and he feels like he can't escape. he said he had been thinking about breaking up with me and then killing himself. :'(
but we talked and he's like "i'm going to need to talk to a therapist and a lawyer"
i really hope things can get better in his family situation. and that they don't drive him to do something stupid. it makes me really mad because i don't know how his family can be so horrible and abusive to him, but it's really none of my business and I try to stay out of it as best I can and just be as supportive as I can to alaric. Alaric worries it may be detrimental to my mental health because it's just another thing I'll have to worry about and such, but honestly, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Alaric to be there for me and I'm sure that he wouldn't be coping as well if he didn't have me to comfort him and such. And actually, it's mostly just seeing Alaric really upset that is what gets to me, mentally. and wondering how the hell his family can use him like this. other than that, I'm basically just concerned with myself, school, and spending time with my alaric. If the family flipped out on me, that would probably affect me, yeah. But I doubt they'd ever do that. I'm not sure if that came out the way I intended it to. What I'm trying to say is that, Alaric's family situation is none of my business, other than the fact that I have to provide some emotional support for him whereas if everything was fine we'd be a lot happier. But other than that, I try to keep my distance and not LET it effect me negatively.
I saw my psychologist today, she says I seem to have a good grip on myself and my mind. she said i seem to be talking to her normally, and not withdrawn, and I seem sane and such. It's mostly because there is a part of my brain that is my normal self that can look on my other thoughts and realize they aren't normal and consistent with who I am. whereas when i went crazy there never was anything like this. there was just the craziness defining who I was. There was no rational mind (in the end...at first there was an unexperienced part of me that knew what I was thinking wasn't right but didn't know why and what that meant)to sort through my thoughts and realize they didn't make sense, there was just a complete irrational mind. But this time there is a rational part. It can interact with people normally, though inside there is a different reaction with the people I am interacting with that at least don't know me very well. I think that they think I must be stupid, don't like me, and I am weird. But strangely with everyone else that knows me well I can act totally fine and don't get paranoid of what they must be thinking of me. I don't know. tell me if you don't understand what i'm saying please.
Last night I got a lot of sleep, so was feeling a LOT better, but I still wasn't feeling up to being in school. =/
Alaric's kitten is in heat and is making weird yelping noises.
I think that is all I have to say right now.
but we talked and he's like "i'm going to need to talk to a therapist and a lawyer"
i really hope things can get better in his family situation. and that they don't drive him to do something stupid. it makes me really mad because i don't know how his family can be so horrible and abusive to him, but it's really none of my business and I try to stay out of it as best I can and just be as supportive as I can to alaric. Alaric worries it may be detrimental to my mental health because it's just another thing I'll have to worry about and such, but honestly, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Alaric to be there for me and I'm sure that he wouldn't be coping as well if he didn't have me to comfort him and such. And actually, it's mostly just seeing Alaric really upset that is what gets to me, mentally. and wondering how the hell his family can use him like this. other than that, I'm basically just concerned with myself, school, and spending time with my alaric. If the family flipped out on me, that would probably affect me, yeah. But I doubt they'd ever do that. I'm not sure if that came out the way I intended it to. What I'm trying to say is that, Alaric's family situation is none of my business, other than the fact that I have to provide some emotional support for him whereas if everything was fine we'd be a lot happier. But other than that, I try to keep my distance and not LET it effect me negatively.
I saw my psychologist today, she says I seem to have a good grip on myself and my mind. she said i seem to be talking to her normally, and not withdrawn, and I seem sane and such. It's mostly because there is a part of my brain that is my normal self that can look on my other thoughts and realize they aren't normal and consistent with who I am. whereas when i went crazy there never was anything like this. there was just the craziness defining who I was. There was no rational mind (in the end...at first there was an unexperienced part of me that knew what I was thinking wasn't right but didn't know why and what that meant)to sort through my thoughts and realize they didn't make sense, there was just a complete irrational mind. But this time there is a rational part. It can interact with people normally, though inside there is a different reaction with the people I am interacting with that at least don't know me very well. I think that they think I must be stupid, don't like me, and I am weird. But strangely with everyone else that knows me well I can act totally fine and don't get paranoid of what they must be thinking of me. I don't know. tell me if you don't understand what i'm saying please.
Last night I got a lot of sleep, so was feeling a LOT better, but I still wasn't feeling up to being in school. =/
Alaric's kitten is in heat and is making weird yelping noises.
I think that is all I have to say right now.