eyes on fire.
EYES ON FIRE.
⇾ tvxq | jaejoong/changmin
⇾ 837 words
⇾ PG-13
inspired by this fanvideo.
ever been faced with a decision that might end up removing everything you've ever loved from your existence?
jaejoong has.
he wakes, without a wink of sleep, and his eyes fall on the invisible masks lining the four walls of his room. they're ugly, oh so ugly. but one word out of death's lips makes them shine and sparkle in the harsh light, and then they're pretty, oh so pretty.
jaejoong closes his eyes once more, and wills everything to just… fade away, and leave him be.
---
it's him who has to do it. if not, it's someone else. the job gets done either way.
how do you justify taking the life of the person you love the most? it's murder, pure, cold murder, and jaejoong's damn good at it
there's a doll perched on the edge of his sink - how did it get there? - with a head full of curls and a dress of satin. there's a thin layer of dust on her shoes and covering her eyes. yet, her smile seems to get bigger, impossibly bigger.
jaejoong tries to break her, but she bounces off the tiles, porcelain skin making a delightful clink as it clatters to a stop near the corner. smile intact and not one curl out of place. jaejoong gazes at it. one can't really destroy hollowness, can they?
---
the barrel is cool and real in the palm of his hand, a constant reminder. on the table in front of him is a photograph. jaejoong likes photographs, because they preserve the slivers of happiness he manages to scrape together in his life. they're mostly photographs of changmin.
it's pretty self-explanatory, he figures.
the muzzle of the gun nudges the frame, and jaejoong flinches.
---
he can't do it.
he misses - on purpose? - and the man next to changmin falls to the ground in a heap. jaejoong watches it happen in slow motion, the first spurt of blood triggering absolutely nothing in him.
it should.
but it doesn't, so he leaves, runs off the roof and into the shadows.
changmin's a little too quick for him though, and jaejoong skids to a halt when changmin's face appears before his.
"just kill me now," changmin says, voice a sheet of calm.
jaejoong falls to his knees and bows his head.
changmin looks down at the raven haired man at his feet and feels his heart shrivel up just the slightest. the shot he fires into the air resonates and throbs in his veins, and jaejoong glances up.
jaejoong rises swiftly to his feet and disappears.
the scream changmin lets out is loud and strong, but no one is around to hear it. the tear that falls down his cheek is clear and light, but no one is around to catch it.
---
his phone vibrates. changmin picks it up without hesitation.
"i'm coming for you," jaejoong's voice says, a little rough over the line.
changmin hangs up.
---
his front door opens, the night shrouding jaejoong's frame in darkness. but his face is illuminated.
changmin's eyes move from the tip of the gun's barrel to jaejoong's eyes, covered by dark lenses.
jaejoong pulls the trigger the exact moment changmin tells him he loves him.
the bullet clears the chamber and hits its mark; it shoots through the middle of changmin's forehead and embeds itself in the middle of the wall behind him.
jaejoong leaves the bullet where it is - snug in the middle of his chest in the framed picture. the glass cracks.
---
jaejoong wakes up the next day.
it feels like nothing's changed, and yet everything's changed.
he lies in bed for a while, watching the sunlight play across his ceiling.
then he heads to the bathroom, ignoring the doll in the corner and rummaging in the medicine cabinet.
he settles himself in the tub, the coolness of it waking him a little further.
drawing out an amount he knows is more than enough, jaejoong flicks the syringe a little, watching a couple of droplets jump out the tip of the needle.
he barely feels the tip breaking his skin.
one second ago, his heart was beating. and now it's not.
but what's the difference?
for a pretty long time now, his heart's been cold and his soul's been missing. now he doesn't have to worry anymore.
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