Lost..
Well I'm not really sure how to put this down. I don't even really know how I am staying around right now. There are certain things that I have wanted almost all my life and I didn’t really see any reason why I shouldn’t have them. I try my hardest to be a good person. I know I’m not always around for people when they want me to be, but I think I am around when they need me to be. I am trying to be a good mother to a foster child who has had one of the worst life’s I have ever heard of. And I work my ass of in school so I can make something out of myself later.
It just wasn’t enough for someone......... I have been sick for a very long time and was afraid that the only one I would be a mother too would be to my foster child, or any other I choose to adopt. But despite the objection of others my boyfriend and I where given a chance to be real parents. Think about it ME a MOM...... it was what I wanted more than anything in the world and now here I am.
Yeah there I was......... well just like so many things that I suppose just aren’t ment to be, me as a mom wasn’t one.11 weeks 2 days and slow heart beats later its over. I’m not sure what to do or how to feel. I’ve been locked in my room the last 24 hours thinking about everything. How could I go from being so happy to not even feeling alive? One small black and white picture is all I have of the thing I already loved more than life its self and I can’t even bring myself to look at it. I just keep thinking of all the things that I could maybe have done differently, which Alex wishes I wouldn’t think about. How can I keep wanting this, when just like that it was taken away from me? I feel like I’m in a giant bubble and no matter what I do I can’t get out, wow that was kind of a dumb thing to say but I’m not sure how else to put it. Every question that someone in my family asked feels like a stab in the heart. It is hurting so many and I have no will to be strong for any one not even me right now.
11 weeks 2 days and a black and white photo...................
It just wasn’t enough for someone......... I have been sick for a very long time and was afraid that the only one I would be a mother too would be to my foster child, or any other I choose to adopt. But despite the objection of others my boyfriend and I where given a chance to be real parents. Think about it ME a MOM...... it was what I wanted more than anything in the world and now here I am.
Yeah there I was......... well just like so many things that I suppose just aren’t ment to be, me as a mom wasn’t one.11 weeks 2 days and slow heart beats later its over. I’m not sure what to do or how to feel. I’ve been locked in my room the last 24 hours thinking about everything. How could I go from being so happy to not even feeling alive? One small black and white picture is all I have of the thing I already loved more than life its self and I can’t even bring myself to look at it. I just keep thinking of all the things that I could maybe have done differently, which Alex wishes I wouldn’t think about. How can I keep wanting this, when just like that it was taken away from me? I feel like I’m in a giant bubble and no matter what I do I can’t get out, wow that was kind of a dumb thing to say but I’m not sure how else to put it. Every question that someone in my family asked feels like a stab in the heart. It is hurting so many and I have no will to be strong for any one not even me right now.
11 weeks 2 days and a black and white photo...................