Crucifictions a doddel

[evoldick]

I just watched Passion of the Christ, or more accurately, The Torture and Brutal Murder of Christ by the Jews. Man, they really didn't like that guy, did they? The movie was more graphic than a Cradle of Filth video. Watching with me was St Miglo (he says that he is a saint), to point out all of the liberties that Mel Gibson took with the film, while at the same time, referencing his Bible to answer my questions of what they left out. Like the fact that Jesus, after being flayed and carrying his cross through the street, healed some guy on his way to his death. The whole flaying thing was a bit over the top, in my opinion. Through the whole thing, I kept thinking, man that poor SOG.

Of course, the real reason that the Jews wanted to kill Jesus was so that they could steal the patent for "The Table" and get rich off of the royalties.

I've always had a strange idea for a TV show. I thought that it would be funny to make a cheesy sitcom out of Jesus as a teenager. There would be scenes where he accidentally makes a wreck of the kitchen, and Mary comes in and says "Jesus Christ! What have you done?" Or an alcohol awareness episode where he and his disciples get sloshed because he accidentally turned water to wine. A "who is my father" one where he discovers that Joseph isn't his real dad because when he tried out for the swim team, he skidded across the pool like a slip and slide. True, I don't have the actual knowledge of the source material and would be making up half the stuff, but its all in good fun, and there will be a positive learning moment at the end of each show, as we watch an awkward teen slowly transform to the King of Kings. After all, Jesus says that laughter is the best medicine. I think it is somewhere in the back.

Since I am still on the topic of Jesus, I'll share another thought that I had today. I had just read a series where Superman, instead of crashing into the heartland of america, Smallville, Kansas, his ship crashed into the heart of Communist Russia. He still stood for truth and justice, but he replaced "the american way" with "Communist Ideals". And he was still a hero. It was an interesting "what if" kind of story. My point, what if, instead of Jesus being born in Roman occupied Jerusalem, he was instead born in Viking ruled Iceland? Would it have made much of a difference? If anything, the beard would have stayed.

I'll leave with some Jedi Mind Tricks. Just some different verses that have been in my head since seeing the movie.

I'm the Father of Christ
I don't know why you bother to write
I'm god on the mic,
while yall are like garbage to I
My team are a bunch of master builders
yall just sit back and bask in illness.

I'm Jesus, my right hand rights diseases,
My left hand will strike and fight your weakness.
I'm covered in blood where ever the feast is
Find me covered in blood where ever police is
I'm covered in blood where ever your niece is
I'm covered in blood from burying heaters
We're demons, with bloodlust for heathens
Born through a storm on a sea with Galeians

I'm the God of War
The resurrecter of the horrorcore
The carnivore, destroying you wasn't hard at all
I started raw so the haters could see what could happen
I was Allah while the pagans were speaking in Latin
I'm the origin of science and math
I'm the origin of everything your trying to grasp
You're dying to ask if Jedi Mind is the real
Well, I'll let you in my mind to decide how it feels
I'm dying to kill, to bring to you apocalypse
I start alot of beef with lots of guns and lots of clips

Vinny Paz, the fucking hammer-fist philanthropist.