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There are days when everything just seems to fall into place, days when I am truely happy to be here. Then, there are days in which I have to question why I am still alive. Somtimes I wonder what would be diffrent, how much easier it would have been for everyone else if I had never come out of that hostpital 2 years ago. In the two years since that
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I know we aren't as much alike as we used to be,but I think I might be a little bit more ok with that than you are...I think it's kind of cool.I don't want to spend all my time having my personality mirrored back at me anyway..I'm cool.haha..but not that cool.The thing is,that when you come down to it the situation that we are in is partly maybe even mostle because,this is just a normal life change.
it's not bad or good,it just happens.we have all been so close for so long,and now meaghan is in texas and we are both just changing..just growing into ourselves is all,and cementing our personalities as we becaome who we always must have been meant to be.plain and simple.the part where you look at your friends differently is that you know that you're changing and you wonder if they'll still love you as much when they open their door one day and you aren't who they remember.you have to wonder if they can change like this,maybe I never knew them.what the fuck else are they capable of anyway?!?well,here it is...growing up.that's what we are doing.It's a transition for all of us right now.
we and mostly meaning I(because I don't know what you feel you really need deep down because that's for you to know and nobody else can ever tell that about another person)need to know perspective most often is the thing that changes more than anything else does day to day,that things will get better and get worse,maybe much worse,I need to learn to be less affected by things.I'm not sure you should push your emotions to the extreme daily.
anyway,it bothered me to hear your perspective on people lately in your blog..not because I took it personally but because,there are plenty of beautiful things worth fighting for out there.these are not my pearls of wisdom to you,because it took reading your blog to realize it mirrored my thoughts in some ways and how jaded I've become lately.remember when....we were untouchable?...
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