Appropriate Icon is Appropriate - the adventures of a boy and his conscience(s)
OKAY SO I would like to preface this by saying I DIDN'T MEAN TO. But lately I seem to keep spewing commentfic all over the place and it would be a shame to waste it, so whatever. I wrote a couple, so I'm putting them together, giving them an ending, and smacking a slightly crazed title on it. Err. Well, you know how much I like writing crack.
My author tag is "arashi"; because this is also Arashi fic, the fandom tag is "je: arashi". LOL? 9__9;;
"Appropriate Icon Is Appropriate" - the adventures of a boy and his conscience(s)
Fandom: Arashi
Pairings: Ohmiya, various other conglomerations that usually include Aiba
Words: 1,971
Summary: Because it's Arashi as shoulder angels, and that can't end well.
Notes: First bits posted here at ohmiyaday. Edited and added to.
It's no joke that Satoshi has a sixth sense. It's always been there, anywhere from the befuddled, sleepy bartering with the monster under his bed to give him just five more minutes to haunted houses, where the decorations outside are scarier than the pleasant, unassuming souls residing within.
But since Satoshi came of age, there have been a few different kinds of spirits hovering around him. Angels and devils, to be precise. Little things that like to hang out on his shoulders and whisper things into his ears. Apparently the fact that his sense has lasted this long makes him special. (He's heard this before, from his mother.) They bicker amongst themselves and tell him what to do, trying to get him to take sides.
Satoshi doesn't really like taking sides, but they insist that the future of his soul depends on it. (He thinks they're keeping score.)
On the side of 'Good', there are Sho and Aiba. Sho is very helpful, keeping track of Satoshi's work schedule and making sure he doesn't space off and miss his train stops. Aiba is happy and bubbly and excitable and supposedly the very definition of an angel, except sometimes Satoshi will glance up and find that Aiba is peering very carefully at some woman's breasts.
The other side should probably be called 'Bad' to match, but Nino and Jun seem to prefer referring to it as 'Way More Interesting'. Certainly the two devils aren't the exact opposite of Sho and Aiba--Satoshi rather thinks, in fact, that Jun and Sho are very similar. They are both very organized and both keep schedules, but Sho's contains notes like "you need to be dressed in five minutes", whereas Jun schedules things like "armed bank robbery, 2:00". Jun spends a great deal of his time overseeing criminal affairs and natural disasters and things like that, which leaves Satoshi in the care of Nino more often than not.
Satoshi doesn't mind this in the slightest. Nino is cute and the way he needles Sho is always fun to listen to. There's something about him that sometimes makes Satoshi shiver, and not just the way he'll sometimes blow softly into Satoshi's ear. Nino has no sense of privacy, though this bothers Sho more than anyone, really, and likes to lounge around on Satoshi's shoulder no matter where he is, be it in the bathroom or in the shower.
He's not here today, though. Satoshi stands on the train heading to work and listens as Sho natters on about responsibility, and how he hopes Satoshi will decide to have a little more than Nino. Satoshi tries to listen but mostly just stares out the window and thinks, curiously, that Nino should really be here. He'd thought that Jun was busy today organizing some sort of mass sewage system failure someplace in Europe.
"This doesn't feel balanced," Sho complains eventually. "Shoulder-consciences are meant to come in pairs. I feel like I'm cheating."
"Mmm," says Satoshi.
"Do you know where Jun is?" Sho asks, quite used to Satoshi's minimalist form of conversation. "He isn't one to be late." There is a small measure of approval in his voice.
"Sewage leak," Satoshi answers.
Sho wrinkles his nose. "Ew."
"That's what Jun said too," Satoshi mumbles. He's garnering a few weird looks for talking, apparently to himself, but he's used to it. "He was complaining to Aiba last week. It's going to... 'further public misconception that Evil equals Dirty'. Evil doesn't always mean dirty, he said."
"But it's more fun when it does," a familiar voice says from behind Satoshi. And then suddenly there's a hand on his butt. It's not necessarily surprising, on the train, but there is a warm body pressed all along his back, too, and the familiar sensation of someone blowing into his ear. A chin digs into the shoulder that Sho is not occupying.
When Satoshi turns his head, he meets one of Nino's teasing, feline smiles. "You're bigger," he observes. "And solid." And he is wearing a suit, just like Satoshi.
"Nino!" Sho says, horrified.
Nino smiles wider. "I got permission from the higher-ups to manifest today. Happy birthday, Oh-chan." He squeezes Satoshi's butt some more.
"...I don't think I have to go to work today," Satoshi decides, and gets off at the next stop with Nino still plastered to his back, Sho shrieking unintelligibly into his ear.
"YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX WITH A STRANGER, SATOSHI," he wails. "YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT."
"Nino isn't a stranger," Satoshi says as he leaves the station. "He's Nino." He's also nibbling Satoshi's ear.
"I think there's a love hotel that way," Nino says, pointing somewhere to the left with one hand and moving the other one around pleasantly. Satoshi starts walking.
"AAAGHLSDFK," Sho says articulately. "AT LEAST USE A CONDOM."
---
Satoshi wakes up one morning, early on a weekend. Sho appears with a prompt 'pop' on one shoulder, but the other shoulder remains conspicuously empty, its occupant from the Other Side not having arrived yet. Probably Nino, then, because Jun is never late.
But the one who arrives isn't Nino.
"--more convenient to get here on time," Sho is saying, "because that means I have more time to give you helpful, soul-saving advice, isn't that right Nino?"
"I'm not Nino," the devil on Satoshi's other shoulder says cheerfully. Sho looks.
"Aiba?!" he exclaims, mortified.
"That's me!" Aiba grins. The horns and little tail look quite fetching on him, Satoshi thinks.
"How did you switch over?" he asks curiously.
"I had hot, meaningless sex with Nino," Aiba tells him matter-of-factly. "That's generally considered a no-no."
From the way Sho is sobbing into Satoshi's pillow, it might be a little bit worse than that.
"Don't worry, Sho-chan!" Aiba reassures him. "I just have to rescue a few puppies and I'll be back upstairs in no time!"
---
The next morning, Nino shows up early, ostensibly to gloat.
"It was the best idea ever," Nino grins. "Don't you think, Oh-chan? Did you see Sho's face?"
"It was pretty funny," Satoshi agrees.
Nino is just smiling at him, pleased and naughty at the same time, when his angel counterpart shows up with a reluctant pop. (Satoshi doesn't quite know how a sense of utter resignation can be conveyed through a sound effect like that, but apparently it can.) Nino peers over to say something smug to the new arrival, but sees who it is and immediately chokes.
"Oh," says Satoshi, blinking. "Hello, Matsujun."
"Shut up," Jun hisses, crossing his arms and looking utterly miserable in his neatly pressed white gown. Then, looking as if the words are being forced out of him, he mutters, "I... I had hot, meaningful sex with Aiba last night."
"HOW COULD YOU?!" Nino wails. "YOU TRAITOR!!"
"It's okay," Satoshi tells Jun, who looks like he needs the comfort. "I think your halo is very cute."
---
"So..." Satoshi starts one day at the park, dabbling his fingers in some blue paint before smearing it all over the canvas set up in front of him, vaguely in the shape of the river. "When we had sex, was it meaningful or meaningless?"
"You had sex?!" Aiba asks excitedly. "When? Where? Oh man. Can I have some too?"
"Your brains were permanently scrambled after sleeping with me, weren't they," Nino says to Aiba affectionately. "No you can't, not for a little while at least, or Jun is going to convert permanently just to keep you out of my devious and oh-so-skillful clutches. Why, Oh-chan?"
"I'm just curious," Satoshi says. He makes a few polka dots in red along the top, for birds. "You're still on the Bad Side, aren't you? So it couldn't have been meaningful." He's not sure yet if it depresses him.
"Oh-chan, no amount of meaningful sex could get me to change my colors," Nino says, fondling Satoshi's ear reassuringly. "I am nasty through and through, unlike Matsujun. Don't tell him I said this or he'll stick me on telemarketing duty, but he's really just a cotton ball inside."
Aiba giggles loudly. A rainbow spontaneously appears in the sky at the sound.
"And besides," Nino says, as Ohno paints the rainbow in, "sex as filthy as we had it that day would be guaranteed to shut you out of Heaven entirely. You've got nothing to worry about."
---
"I think you might have been wrong," Satoshi tells Nino a long time later, glumly gesturing back to the snow-white wings sprouting from his back.
"Congratulations, team!" Sho says, shaking first Jun's hand, then Aiba's. Aiba's a little too enthusiastic for just a handshake though, and manages to reel Sho in for a celebratory kiss on the mouth before he gets shoved away, beaming. Aiba turns hopefully to Jun next, but Jun just crosses his arms, halo flickering menacingly, and says, "Don't even think about it."
"Fine, you won this round," Nino grumbles. "No need to rub it in."
"As if you wouldn't have been rubbing it in if you'd won," Jun says, rolling his eyes.
"That's different!" Nino protests. "It's three on one here, no thanks to some people." He glares at Jun pointedly.
Satoshi sighs. "I don't think I would have done very well on the dark side anyway."
"Are you actually depressed that we've saved you from eternal damnation, Satoshi-kun?" Sho asks with just a touch of despair.
"Nonsense!" Nino says, grabbing one of Satoshi's hands. "You would have done very well. As I recall, you are very good at doing anything you set your mind to. Like me, for example."
"I didn't set my mind to you," Satoshi points out. "I set my--"
"WELL," Sho interrupts hastily. "It was very nice chatting with you, Nino! Now we have to get Satoshi settled in upstairs! Paperwork, learning the ropes, that sort of thing."
"Paperwork?" Aiba whines. "But there's so many more interesting things that we can teach Satoshi right here! Stuff that you don't learn at Orientation!" He ducks a violent swipe from Jun.
"Stuff like what?" Satoshi asks, because even Nino looks curious.
"Like--lots of things," Aiba says animatedly. "Like if someone touches your wings and sort of wiggles their fingers around--" He abruptly bounds forward (possibly sensing the angelic-yet-murderous intent rolling off of Jun) and whispers the rest in Satoshi's ear.
When he pulls away, he's grinning, and Satoshi's eyes are wide.
"What?" Nino asks, frowning.
"It's good," Satoshi reassures Nino. "I'll show you later."
"This sounds dangerous," Sho announces, eyeing Aiba warily.
"It's really not!" Aiba insists, and quickly whispers it into Sho's ear, perhaps accidentally making a suggestive gesture or two as he does so.
"Oh," squeaks Sho, eyes very round when Aiba pulls away, "oh, really?"
"Uh-huh," says Aiba, grinning, and slips an arm sneakily around Sho's waist. Sho doesn't appear to notice.
"That's enough," Jun says finally, fed up. "Satoshi, hurry up and decide if you want to change sides. If you don't, just come with us already."
Satoshi looks at Nino, then at the other three, and says, "I think I'll stay how I am, for now."
"...'For now'?" Sho croaks, with a face like he is about to cry.
"You're right, Oh-chan," Nino says, reaching around to fondly palm Satoshi's butt. "It's a little fast to be moving in together."
"And you've got Sho-chan's best interests in mind!" Aiba adds enthusiastically. "Just think of all the seizures he would have if you two were together all the time."
"It can be our forbidden love-love romance," Satoshi says.
Sho makes a noise like he's dying, though that's impossible, and Jun mutters something like "oh God".
(He abruptly loses his wings and sprouts a pair of horns for taking the Lord's name in vain, but that is another story and shall be told another time.)
My author tag is "arashi"; because this is also Arashi fic, the fandom tag is "je: arashi". LOL? 9__9;;
"Appropriate Icon Is Appropriate" - the adventures of a boy and his conscience(s)
Fandom: Arashi
Pairings: Ohmiya, various other conglomerations that usually include Aiba
Words: 1,971
Summary: Because it's Arashi as shoulder angels, and that can't end well.
Notes: First bits posted here at ohmiyaday. Edited and added to.
It's no joke that Satoshi has a sixth sense. It's always been there, anywhere from the befuddled, sleepy bartering with the monster under his bed to give him just five more minutes to haunted houses, where the decorations outside are scarier than the pleasant, unassuming souls residing within.
But since Satoshi came of age, there have been a few different kinds of spirits hovering around him. Angels and devils, to be precise. Little things that like to hang out on his shoulders and whisper things into his ears. Apparently the fact that his sense has lasted this long makes him special. (He's heard this before, from his mother.) They bicker amongst themselves and tell him what to do, trying to get him to take sides.
Satoshi doesn't really like taking sides, but they insist that the future of his soul depends on it. (He thinks they're keeping score.)
On the side of 'Good', there are Sho and Aiba. Sho is very helpful, keeping track of Satoshi's work schedule and making sure he doesn't space off and miss his train stops. Aiba is happy and bubbly and excitable and supposedly the very definition of an angel, except sometimes Satoshi will glance up and find that Aiba is peering very carefully at some woman's breasts.
The other side should probably be called 'Bad' to match, but Nino and Jun seem to prefer referring to it as 'Way More Interesting'. Certainly the two devils aren't the exact opposite of Sho and Aiba--Satoshi rather thinks, in fact, that Jun and Sho are very similar. They are both very organized and both keep schedules, but Sho's contains notes like "you need to be dressed in five minutes", whereas Jun schedules things like "armed bank robbery, 2:00". Jun spends a great deal of his time overseeing criminal affairs and natural disasters and things like that, which leaves Satoshi in the care of Nino more often than not.
Satoshi doesn't mind this in the slightest. Nino is cute and the way he needles Sho is always fun to listen to. There's something about him that sometimes makes Satoshi shiver, and not just the way he'll sometimes blow softly into Satoshi's ear. Nino has no sense of privacy, though this bothers Sho more than anyone, really, and likes to lounge around on Satoshi's shoulder no matter where he is, be it in the bathroom or in the shower.
He's not here today, though. Satoshi stands on the train heading to work and listens as Sho natters on about responsibility, and how he hopes Satoshi will decide to have a little more than Nino. Satoshi tries to listen but mostly just stares out the window and thinks, curiously, that Nino should really be here. He'd thought that Jun was busy today organizing some sort of mass sewage system failure someplace in Europe.
"This doesn't feel balanced," Sho complains eventually. "Shoulder-consciences are meant to come in pairs. I feel like I'm cheating."
"Mmm," says Satoshi.
"Do you know where Jun is?" Sho asks, quite used to Satoshi's minimalist form of conversation. "He isn't one to be late." There is a small measure of approval in his voice.
"Sewage leak," Satoshi answers.
Sho wrinkles his nose. "Ew."
"That's what Jun said too," Satoshi mumbles. He's garnering a few weird looks for talking, apparently to himself, but he's used to it. "He was complaining to Aiba last week. It's going to... 'further public misconception that Evil equals Dirty'. Evil doesn't always mean dirty, he said."
"But it's more fun when it does," a familiar voice says from behind Satoshi. And then suddenly there's a hand on his butt. It's not necessarily surprising, on the train, but there is a warm body pressed all along his back, too, and the familiar sensation of someone blowing into his ear. A chin digs into the shoulder that Sho is not occupying.
When Satoshi turns his head, he meets one of Nino's teasing, feline smiles. "You're bigger," he observes. "And solid." And he is wearing a suit, just like Satoshi.
"Nino!" Sho says, horrified.
Nino smiles wider. "I got permission from the higher-ups to manifest today. Happy birthday, Oh-chan." He squeezes Satoshi's butt some more.
"...I don't think I have to go to work today," Satoshi decides, and gets off at the next stop with Nino still plastered to his back, Sho shrieking unintelligibly into his ear.
"YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX WITH A STRANGER, SATOSHI," he wails. "YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT."
"Nino isn't a stranger," Satoshi says as he leaves the station. "He's Nino." He's also nibbling Satoshi's ear.
"I think there's a love hotel that way," Nino says, pointing somewhere to the left with one hand and moving the other one around pleasantly. Satoshi starts walking.
"AAAGHLSDFK," Sho says articulately. "AT LEAST USE A CONDOM."
---
Satoshi wakes up one morning, early on a weekend. Sho appears with a prompt 'pop' on one shoulder, but the other shoulder remains conspicuously empty, its occupant from the Other Side not having arrived yet. Probably Nino, then, because Jun is never late.
But the one who arrives isn't Nino.
"--more convenient to get here on time," Sho is saying, "because that means I have more time to give you helpful, soul-saving advice, isn't that right Nino?"
"I'm not Nino," the devil on Satoshi's other shoulder says cheerfully. Sho looks.
"Aiba?!" he exclaims, mortified.
"That's me!" Aiba grins. The horns and little tail look quite fetching on him, Satoshi thinks.
"How did you switch over?" he asks curiously.
"I had hot, meaningless sex with Nino," Aiba tells him matter-of-factly. "That's generally considered a no-no."
From the way Sho is sobbing into Satoshi's pillow, it might be a little bit worse than that.
"Don't worry, Sho-chan!" Aiba reassures him. "I just have to rescue a few puppies and I'll be back upstairs in no time!"
---
The next morning, Nino shows up early, ostensibly to gloat.
"It was the best idea ever," Nino grins. "Don't you think, Oh-chan? Did you see Sho's face?"
"It was pretty funny," Satoshi agrees.
Nino is just smiling at him, pleased and naughty at the same time, when his angel counterpart shows up with a reluctant pop. (Satoshi doesn't quite know how a sense of utter resignation can be conveyed through a sound effect like that, but apparently it can.) Nino peers over to say something smug to the new arrival, but sees who it is and immediately chokes.
"Oh," says Satoshi, blinking. "Hello, Matsujun."
"Shut up," Jun hisses, crossing his arms and looking utterly miserable in his neatly pressed white gown. Then, looking as if the words are being forced out of him, he mutters, "I... I had hot, meaningful sex with Aiba last night."
"HOW COULD YOU?!" Nino wails. "YOU TRAITOR!!"
"It's okay," Satoshi tells Jun, who looks like he needs the comfort. "I think your halo is very cute."
---
"So..." Satoshi starts one day at the park, dabbling his fingers in some blue paint before smearing it all over the canvas set up in front of him, vaguely in the shape of the river. "When we had sex, was it meaningful or meaningless?"
"You had sex?!" Aiba asks excitedly. "When? Where? Oh man. Can I have some too?"
"Your brains were permanently scrambled after sleeping with me, weren't they," Nino says to Aiba affectionately. "No you can't, not for a little while at least, or Jun is going to convert permanently just to keep you out of my devious and oh-so-skillful clutches. Why, Oh-chan?"
"I'm just curious," Satoshi says. He makes a few polka dots in red along the top, for birds. "You're still on the Bad Side, aren't you? So it couldn't have been meaningful." He's not sure yet if it depresses him.
"Oh-chan, no amount of meaningful sex could get me to change my colors," Nino says, fondling Satoshi's ear reassuringly. "I am nasty through and through, unlike Matsujun. Don't tell him I said this or he'll stick me on telemarketing duty, but he's really just a cotton ball inside."
Aiba giggles loudly. A rainbow spontaneously appears in the sky at the sound.
"And besides," Nino says, as Ohno paints the rainbow in, "sex as filthy as we had it that day would be guaranteed to shut you out of Heaven entirely. You've got nothing to worry about."
---
"I think you might have been wrong," Satoshi tells Nino a long time later, glumly gesturing back to the snow-white wings sprouting from his back.
"Congratulations, team!" Sho says, shaking first Jun's hand, then Aiba's. Aiba's a little too enthusiastic for just a handshake though, and manages to reel Sho in for a celebratory kiss on the mouth before he gets shoved away, beaming. Aiba turns hopefully to Jun next, but Jun just crosses his arms, halo flickering menacingly, and says, "Don't even think about it."
"Fine, you won this round," Nino grumbles. "No need to rub it in."
"As if you wouldn't have been rubbing it in if you'd won," Jun says, rolling his eyes.
"That's different!" Nino protests. "It's three on one here, no thanks to some people." He glares at Jun pointedly.
Satoshi sighs. "I don't think I would have done very well on the dark side anyway."
"Are you actually depressed that we've saved you from eternal damnation, Satoshi-kun?" Sho asks with just a touch of despair.
"Nonsense!" Nino says, grabbing one of Satoshi's hands. "You would have done very well. As I recall, you are very good at doing anything you set your mind to. Like me, for example."
"I didn't set my mind to you," Satoshi points out. "I set my--"
"WELL," Sho interrupts hastily. "It was very nice chatting with you, Nino! Now we have to get Satoshi settled in upstairs! Paperwork, learning the ropes, that sort of thing."
"Paperwork?" Aiba whines. "But there's so many more interesting things that we can teach Satoshi right here! Stuff that you don't learn at Orientation!" He ducks a violent swipe from Jun.
"Stuff like what?" Satoshi asks, because even Nino looks curious.
"Like--lots of things," Aiba says animatedly. "Like if someone touches your wings and sort of wiggles their fingers around--" He abruptly bounds forward (possibly sensing the angelic-yet-murderous intent rolling off of Jun) and whispers the rest in Satoshi's ear.
When he pulls away, he's grinning, and Satoshi's eyes are wide.
"What?" Nino asks, frowning.
"It's good," Satoshi reassures Nino. "I'll show you later."
"This sounds dangerous," Sho announces, eyeing Aiba warily.
"It's really not!" Aiba insists, and quickly whispers it into Sho's ear, perhaps accidentally making a suggestive gesture or two as he does so.
"Oh," squeaks Sho, eyes very round when Aiba pulls away, "oh, really?"
"Uh-huh," says Aiba, grinning, and slips an arm sneakily around Sho's waist. Sho doesn't appear to notice.
"That's enough," Jun says finally, fed up. "Satoshi, hurry up and decide if you want to change sides. If you don't, just come with us already."
Satoshi looks at Nino, then at the other three, and says, "I think I'll stay how I am, for now."
"...'For now'?" Sho croaks, with a face like he is about to cry.
"You're right, Oh-chan," Nino says, reaching around to fondly palm Satoshi's butt. "It's a little fast to be moving in together."
"And you've got Sho-chan's best interests in mind!" Aiba adds enthusiastically. "Just think of all the seizures he would have if you two were together all the time."
"It can be our forbidden love-love romance," Satoshi says.
Sho makes a noise like he's dying, though that's impossible, and Jun mutters something like "oh God".
(He abruptly loses his wings and sprouts a pair of horns for taking the Lord's name in vain, but that is another story and shall be told another time.)