The end of a long chapter/a new beginning

[eviltink]

For many years I have struggled with my Catholic faith. Many things I agreed with, many of them not. Any sort of research or practice outside of Catholicism brought feelings of guilt and thoughts of SIN, allowing such an overwhelming feeling of turmoil to boil within, that no matter how much I tried to comfort myself spiritually I was still left feeling confused and lost. After all this time I have finally ended these feelings of turmoil. I have tried for many years to correct myself under what the Catholic Church demanded that I live my life so that I could be a part of the church. This last Saturday I went to Confession, thinking that it was my final step I had to endure so that I could be able to participate in all of the activities and rituals that everyone else in the church were allowed to do. I walked into the the confessional and sat behind the little white curtain. Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it has been probably two years since my last confession. As of November 12, 2003 I am no longer living in sin, I am married now. He replies did you marry in the Catholic Church. No. I was married by the Justice of the Peace because thats all we could afford. Did you seek information from the Priest about having your marriage in the Catholic Church. Yes Father I did. I set up an appointment and waited outside for an hour and a half in 113 degree heat. The priest forgot about my appointment and when I called him to reschedule he said he was too busy that it wasn't a life threatening thing and that he was going on vacation. Well you know that there were other priests. I was too upset and felt that the priest was a hypocrite because he sat at the service following my appointment and said that one of the most important things you can do in your life is be there for those in need. The priest then asked me if I was too nervous or embarrassed to sit in front of him face to face instead of hiding behind the curtain. So I went and sat in front of him. He asked me if I thought my marriage was spiritual and if I felt I was still living in sin. I answered no I am not living in sin and I do have a spiritual bond with my husband. "YOURE WRONG. YOU ARE LIVING IN SIN. You haven't been married in the Catholic Church and therefore you don't have a spiritual bond with your husband. You cannot participate in the things the church has to offer, like confession, communion ect. I argued with this priest for awhile until he ended it with Lord I pray she will walk in your path and not this path of sin she is on.
I left confession feeling very angry that this man thinks he has a right to judge me and my life. That he thinks he has the right to ban me from a supposed church. I have done everything I could for these people. Then I realized that I was trying so hard to live my life according to what another had said I had to. Instead of reaching into myself and finding my happiness and living my life according to what made me happy. No longer was I going to suppress my spirituality. No longer was I going to live my life believing in what I was told to believe in. I was free. I feel as if a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders. I no longer feel guilty for reading about other religions and other peoples ideas. I no longer felt guilty for believing and practicing what I actually feel is right for me.
So in conclusion I have ended a very painful chapter in my life and began a new chapter that is filled with happiness and fulfillment.