i can see the perfect sky is torn
[conversation #1]
daddy: there's this story in the newspaper about this man who went back to taiwan, and advertised his daughters in the newspaper there.
me: excuse me?!
daddy: yeah! he went back, saying that he had some business there. but really, he spent 2 weeks putting flyers into newspapers. he really wanted a nice, taiwanese son-in-law, so he had his daughters' pictures put in and everything. apparently his arm went limp from picking up his phone, he got so many calls.
me: and his daughters were okay with that?! [warningly] just so you know, i would be pissed if that happened to me.
daddy: at first they were shocked, you know? two very nice girls, like 23 and 25 or something. american, college-educated, all of that. but he conducted interviews, and let them know the guys that he thought were okay. and apparently they came to accept it, and it's been going well. they realized the benefits of a nice, taiwanese boy.
me: ...they're just...okay with it. being advertised in a newspaper.
daddy: well, there are points to be said for a nice, taiwanese son-in-law. with a large pool like that, you'd definitely get someone if i did that for you. besides, you're american! who doesn't want to marry an american??
me: so they'd be marrying me for my american citizenship. not for me, necessarily. that's great, you know.
daddy: well, i'm sure they'd like you too. but american citizenship you know, it's kind of a huge thing over there. you're bound to get someone to be interested in you b/c you are american. they might even like you too!
me: i would be very angry and do very terrible things to you if you did that
daddy: hey now! the point of the story is, if you wanted a boyfriend, i know what to do now! i can get you 10 boyfriends! or 100! however many you want!
so now the guys aren't being bribed with pineapples and a BBQ, they're being bribed with my american citizenship. nice. i'm not sure if my net worth just went up or down. i think i could more easily respect a guy who enjoyed a good BBQ than a citizenship hound.
[conversation #2]
so we're sitting around the table eating lunch, you know, just one of those things you do with your family. my dad casually remarks that he heard on the news today that the population of the world has now exceeded 6.5 billion.
"wow," i say, munching into my rice and chinese goodness. "that's quite a lot of babies."
"yeah, sometimes i think that we're headed for disaster. i mean, something's going to happen that's going to make it go back down," he says. "nature will deal with us somehow. like an earthquake."
we ponder this for moment. southeast asia has been hard hit this past year.
"or a plague," he adds.
we nod, and think on this. disease is quite bad, yes, yes. quite bad.
"or a salami," pipes up my mother.
we sit in silence. visions of a giant salami falling out of the sky and crushing major metropolitan areas flash into my head. or, perhaps, a headline reading coastal villages wiped out by deluge of salami. i had never really considered the destructive possibilities of a lunch meat.
finally, my father breaks the silence. "salami?? what are you thinking??"
"well, isn't that the thing...with the water...and christmas...no?"
"you mean a tsunami??"
"oh," says my mom, sheepishly. "tsoolami, salami, you know what i mean. not the thing that vicky likes to eat, is what i mean."
sometimes i just want to hug that woman and give her one of those amusing nose wiggles that you do to small children who have just been very cute.
in other exciting news, watching the oscars with KT and shawna was a delicious good time. anne had on a very cool floaty skirt, and we ate lots of unnecessary food. i now feel about 5 pounds heavier, and wish that i looked like zhang ziyi.
daddy: there's this story in the newspaper about this man who went back to taiwan, and advertised his daughters in the newspaper there.
me: excuse me?!
daddy: yeah! he went back, saying that he had some business there. but really, he spent 2 weeks putting flyers into newspapers. he really wanted a nice, taiwanese son-in-law, so he had his daughters' pictures put in and everything. apparently his arm went limp from picking up his phone, he got so many calls.
me: and his daughters were okay with that?! [warningly] just so you know, i would be pissed if that happened to me.
daddy: at first they were shocked, you know? two very nice girls, like 23 and 25 or something. american, college-educated, all of that. but he conducted interviews, and let them know the guys that he thought were okay. and apparently they came to accept it, and it's been going well. they realized the benefits of a nice, taiwanese boy.
me: ...they're just...okay with it. being advertised in a newspaper.
daddy: well, there are points to be said for a nice, taiwanese son-in-law. with a large pool like that, you'd definitely get someone if i did that for you. besides, you're american! who doesn't want to marry an american??
me: so they'd be marrying me for my american citizenship. not for me, necessarily. that's great, you know.
daddy: well, i'm sure they'd like you too. but american citizenship you know, it's kind of a huge thing over there. you're bound to get someone to be interested in you b/c you are american. they might even like you too!
me: i would be very angry and do very terrible things to you if you did that
daddy: hey now! the point of the story is, if you wanted a boyfriend, i know what to do now! i can get you 10 boyfriends! or 100! however many you want!
so now the guys aren't being bribed with pineapples and a BBQ, they're being bribed with my american citizenship. nice. i'm not sure if my net worth just went up or down. i think i could more easily respect a guy who enjoyed a good BBQ than a citizenship hound.
[conversation #2]
so we're sitting around the table eating lunch, you know, just one of those things you do with your family. my dad casually remarks that he heard on the news today that the population of the world has now exceeded 6.5 billion.
"wow," i say, munching into my rice and chinese goodness. "that's quite a lot of babies."
"yeah, sometimes i think that we're headed for disaster. i mean, something's going to happen that's going to make it go back down," he says. "nature will deal with us somehow. like an earthquake."
we ponder this for moment. southeast asia has been hard hit this past year.
"or a plague," he adds.
we nod, and think on this. disease is quite bad, yes, yes. quite bad.
"or a salami," pipes up my mother.
we sit in silence. visions of a giant salami falling out of the sky and crushing major metropolitan areas flash into my head. or, perhaps, a headline reading coastal villages wiped out by deluge of salami. i had never really considered the destructive possibilities of a lunch meat.
finally, my father breaks the silence. "salami?? what are you thinking??"
"well, isn't that the thing...with the water...and christmas...no?"
"you mean a tsunami??"
"oh," says my mom, sheepishly. "tsoolami, salami, you know what i mean. not the thing that vicky likes to eat, is what i mean."
sometimes i just want to hug that woman and give her one of those amusing nose wiggles that you do to small children who have just been very cute.
in other exciting news, watching the oscars with KT and shawna was a delicious good time. anne had on a very cool floaty skirt, and we ate lots of unnecessary food. i now feel about 5 pounds heavier, and wish that i looked like zhang ziyi.