(no subject)
Have been particularly boring and totally jaded of late. Have been working insanely, doing two or three jobs at once and trying to make decisions about my life. Have been going to the gym and working out and trying to sort through stuff in my head while doing so.
So I have made some major decisions in my life.
Firstly - I don't like Rod or his family. In fact I LOATHE his family. I have tried to convince myself that we are still friends and we should get along, but it just isn't happening. I really don't like the man I spent seven years with. In fact, I don't think I ever liked him, let alone loved him. I think it was just the fact that I was so drug-fucked for so many years that I just convinced my poor supparating brain that he was the best I could get so I should "settle" for him. He was cute, did drugs and seemed to be genuinely in love with this "upper-crust" socially misfitted crazy girl, so therefore I took him. And broke him as I usually break my men, but in reality, I didn't even like him. Which is a waste of seven years, but at least I have realised it and am not pining over the fact that I don't have a boyfriend anymore.
Secondly - I don't want his family around Zahra at all, and I am willing to go to the extreme lengths of going for sole custody with him having visitation rights only (supervised if necessary) to stop my daughter from seeing his evil, insane, drug fucked, criminal family and friends. So I have called a solicitor and am putting together a letter that will ask him politely to cease and desist making Zahra interact with his horrible, horrible family and letting him know, if he insists, what the consequences will be.
Thirdly - I will not be a burden on my friends. If they don't want to see me for a while because I can be a pain in the arse, then give them their time, and not badger them. In conjunction with this, I am giong to try and stop being such a pain in the arse, drink and drug less and stop being so intense. Hell life is for living and it is time that I got on with it and stopped obsessing over every little nuance of everyone in it. Fuck it, it is time for me now, and there are only three or so people I have to be responsible for or to, ie Little Z, myself, my family and my friends. Everyone else can just fuck off - unless they are a potential new friend, and not going to take advantage of me, in which case they can join the friends list.
And I will following Smokedamage's and 5Tephe's suggestions about meeting new people and stop relying so heavily on them for my social life.
And I will keep to my diet and exercise regime, at which I have been doing OK except for the long weekend which kind of ruined my routine a bit but back at it tomorrow.
All that being said, the last few weeks have been hectic and depressing, but I think by being so introspective I have done well. Now it is time to move on and forward. I am 31 years old - it is time I stopped playing at being a grownup and actually started being an adult and stopped expecting Mum and my mates to bail me out all the time.
So forward - will post updates as I achieve them.
So I have made some major decisions in my life.
Firstly - I don't like Rod or his family. In fact I LOATHE his family. I have tried to convince myself that we are still friends and we should get along, but it just isn't happening. I really don't like the man I spent seven years with. In fact, I don't think I ever liked him, let alone loved him. I think it was just the fact that I was so drug-fucked for so many years that I just convinced my poor supparating brain that he was the best I could get so I should "settle" for him. He was cute, did drugs and seemed to be genuinely in love with this "upper-crust" socially misfitted crazy girl, so therefore I took him. And broke him as I usually break my men, but in reality, I didn't even like him. Which is a waste of seven years, but at least I have realised it and am not pining over the fact that I don't have a boyfriend anymore.
Secondly - I don't want his family around Zahra at all, and I am willing to go to the extreme lengths of going for sole custody with him having visitation rights only (supervised if necessary) to stop my daughter from seeing his evil, insane, drug fucked, criminal family and friends. So I have called a solicitor and am putting together a letter that will ask him politely to cease and desist making Zahra interact with his horrible, horrible family and letting him know, if he insists, what the consequences will be.
Thirdly - I will not be a burden on my friends. If they don't want to see me for a while because I can be a pain in the arse, then give them their time, and not badger them. In conjunction with this, I am giong to try and stop being such a pain in the arse, drink and drug less and stop being so intense. Hell life is for living and it is time that I got on with it and stopped obsessing over every little nuance of everyone in it. Fuck it, it is time for me now, and there are only three or so people I have to be responsible for or to, ie Little Z, myself, my family and my friends. Everyone else can just fuck off - unless they are a potential new friend, and not going to take advantage of me, in which case they can join the friends list.
And I will following Smokedamage's and 5Tephe's suggestions about meeting new people and stop relying so heavily on them for my social life.
And I will keep to my diet and exercise regime, at which I have been doing OK except for the long weekend which kind of ruined my routine a bit but back at it tomorrow.
All that being said, the last few weeks have been hectic and depressing, but I think by being so introspective I have done well. Now it is time to move on and forward. I am 31 years old - it is time I stopped playing at being a grownup and actually started being an adult and stopped expecting Mum and my mates to bail me out all the time.
So forward - will post updates as I achieve them.