idk. its so hard
Life has been awesome the last few weeks. I met a guy at church and things have been going awesome. I was doing incredible living after Kirk. I haven't even cried about everything that happened with us. I guess my mind doesn't think he is worth the effort to make tears. Richard just makes the world feel right. It is so odd how even after everything I went through the past few months, Richard can make it feel like maybe it was all supposed to happen cuz I didn't need that in my life. Especially after the last day in town when we stopped over at Michelle's to get some of my stuff (hopefully). Kirk got physical with me. I won't let Kassaundra see that being man handled is allowed. As much as I love Kirk, after that, I don't feel that it would be right to go back to him. Granted he was higher and drunker than I have ever seen him, that just makes him all the more dangerous.
I think the fact that he left while I was out of town has made it easier to deal with. It is almost like I never went home. Like I am on vacation and he decided not to come so that is his loss. It all feels like this is how everything was supposed to work out. I haven't had the dream about CPS taking kassaundra since He left. So i'm starting to think that him leaving was the only way I can keep my baby.
So up until last night i was doing awesome trying to forget about him, not wanting to call him, etc. He hasn't once bothered to call in over 2 months to see how his daughter is. I was the one calling him and bringing her up.
SO last night a girl who used to come over to the house friended me on myspace. She had just posted pictures of the Bonfire that they had while I was back east visting family and in utah for my sister's wedding. I had the feeling Kirk was cheating on me from the way he was acting, and he still denys it. He can't anymore. Pictures don't lie, especially when they have a date/time stamp on them. It hurts SOOO bad to have confirmed what I already knew to be true anyway. I want to call him and call him out on it. I want to bitch at him for being a dead beat I want to just take all my frustrations out on him and fly down there and kick his ass. I can't though. I can't allow him the satisfaction. What really sucks is that I have met the girl. She used to come over often, so was he cheating on me while I was still home? My mom saw the pictures and was like "ew she's ugly, and her tummy is bigger than her boobs" ROFL! She has a nasty weave too. If you are going to get a weave at least keep up on it. Stupid black bitch. Oh yea, did i mention she is 18 ???! Ugh so annoying.
Why have all my past boyfriends cheated on me with nasty fat chicks?! I don't know what i did to deserve any of that. I kept house, had dinner ready when he got home, worked and paid the bills, and still found time to give him everything he wanted including playing video games. all he did was work when i got put on bedrest and came home and sat on the couch, and got high. He drove my vehicles, he ate my food, he used me.
He has so many random pieces to everything. He kept one or two pieces to everything to make the stuff i have useless. He did it to piss me off. I think he still has my 500 dollar Airman's Jacket. If he does I will fly down there and have him arrested for theft. I will get a copy of the lease and show that he isn't on it and he went in and cleared out my stuff. I will press charges. I think I should anyway. If he is in jail at least I will get child support.
I am real upset that I am taking this so hard. I have an amazing guy who doesn't care about my past and is willing to be there for me and move super slow if that is what I want. He has an amazing job, and will have an even better one once he finishes his degree. He has goals and a plan for life. Kirk didn't even graduate HS. Richard says "You make me so happy! You and Kassaundra both." He makes me feel so good about myself and my parents love him. That is a new one for me. My parents actually like someone I am dating. He loves to play WOW and Halo and other various games that I love, and yet still balances it with life, out doors activities, work, spending time with us. They don't control his life. Kirk was controlled by where was he going to get his next high. Be it video games, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, w/e.
I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should just forget his dumb ass and get the back child support and leave it at that. Once Kassaundra sees that he left us homeless for another girl she won't want anything to do with him. I am not going to encourage her one way or the other, but I will not let him hurt her again.
On a better note I just accepted an offer for an amazing!!! job. I have never seen so much money in my life. I will make more money the first year at this job than I have made in my whole life combined. (if i can pass the required exams)
I think the fact that he left while I was out of town has made it easier to deal with. It is almost like I never went home. Like I am on vacation and he decided not to come so that is his loss. It all feels like this is how everything was supposed to work out. I haven't had the dream about CPS taking kassaundra since He left. So i'm starting to think that him leaving was the only way I can keep my baby.
So up until last night i was doing awesome trying to forget about him, not wanting to call him, etc. He hasn't once bothered to call in over 2 months to see how his daughter is. I was the one calling him and bringing her up.
SO last night a girl who used to come over to the house friended me on myspace. She had just posted pictures of the Bonfire that they had while I was back east visting family and in utah for my sister's wedding. I had the feeling Kirk was cheating on me from the way he was acting, and he still denys it. He can't anymore. Pictures don't lie, especially when they have a date/time stamp on them. It hurts SOOO bad to have confirmed what I already knew to be true anyway. I want to call him and call him out on it. I want to bitch at him for being a dead beat I want to just take all my frustrations out on him and fly down there and kick his ass. I can't though. I can't allow him the satisfaction. What really sucks is that I have met the girl. She used to come over often, so was he cheating on me while I was still home? My mom saw the pictures and was like "ew she's ugly, and her tummy is bigger than her boobs" ROFL! She has a nasty weave too. If you are going to get a weave at least keep up on it. Stupid black bitch. Oh yea, did i mention she is 18 ???! Ugh so annoying.
Why have all my past boyfriends cheated on me with nasty fat chicks?! I don't know what i did to deserve any of that. I kept house, had dinner ready when he got home, worked and paid the bills, and still found time to give him everything he wanted including playing video games. all he did was work when i got put on bedrest and came home and sat on the couch, and got high. He drove my vehicles, he ate my food, he used me.
He has so many random pieces to everything. He kept one or two pieces to everything to make the stuff i have useless. He did it to piss me off. I think he still has my 500 dollar Airman's Jacket. If he does I will fly down there and have him arrested for theft. I will get a copy of the lease and show that he isn't on it and he went in and cleared out my stuff. I will press charges. I think I should anyway. If he is in jail at least I will get child support.
I am real upset that I am taking this so hard. I have an amazing guy who doesn't care about my past and is willing to be there for me and move super slow if that is what I want. He has an amazing job, and will have an even better one once he finishes his degree. He has goals and a plan for life. Kirk didn't even graduate HS. Richard says "You make me so happy! You and Kassaundra both." He makes me feel so good about myself and my parents love him. That is a new one for me. My parents actually like someone I am dating. He loves to play WOW and Halo and other various games that I love, and yet still balances it with life, out doors activities, work, spending time with us. They don't control his life. Kirk was controlled by where was he going to get his next high. Be it video games, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, w/e.
I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should just forget his dumb ass and get the back child support and leave it at that. Once Kassaundra sees that he left us homeless for another girl she won't want anything to do with him. I am not going to encourage her one way or the other, but I will not let him hurt her again.
On a better note I just accepted an offer for an amazing!!! job. I have never seen so much money in my life. I will make more money the first year at this job than I have made in my whole life combined. (if i can pass the required exams)