Some people just can't let.go.

[evillilminx]

i am a bisexual. i've dated boys and fooled around and flirted with men. most of my close friends are girls. i've been a shoulder to cry on for all. i listen to people tell me their life story when i've hardly met them. i tell the truth. i don't cheat. if i'm not feeling a certain situation, i let you know. this is me. that is my personality. a few months ago my good friend introduced me to his best friend. the three of us would dance and laugh and drink. and she and i would always end up kissing. i loved it, i really did...i thiught there was someting there. i really liked this girl and she liked me. we made it official. i kissed her and brought her coffee on cold days and told her everything would be ok when she was sad. i thought she was amazing and told her so. we had our fun in the rare alone time and looked into each other's eyes. then she told me the stoty of her ex. who cheated and lied to her throughout most of their relationship. and she would always.ask.me. "are you sure you want to do this? are you ready? can i trust you? why don't you tell me what's on your mind? who was that i saw you with?" everything was a serious conversation.everything. i tried to understand. i had just been hurt by a guy whom i really liked. i knew. i was patient. but there comes a time when you can't take it anymore. my motives had been questioned one time too many and i was done. done answering her questions, hearing things from my friend that she failed to tell me. i wanted to yell and scream and tell her to get the fuck over yourself. life is a fucking bitch get used to it because noone cares!!! but i didn't. i told her that i didn't think it was working out. i told her we're at two different places in life, and shouln't try to force this. she cried. i didn't. until i got in my friends car, and felt his hug and heard his words of comfort. and realized i had just slammed him right in the middle of it all. that i had just hurt someone i cared about but couldn't date. and after seeing her reaction to it all in the past weeks, i know i made the right decision. i can't handle people who aren't mature enough to handle life. i t makes me angry. it makes me feel like all my efforts at trying to function are..are in vain because people that emotional ans selfish seem to do pretty well for themselves. while i try soooo.hard. what i can't stand is a person who let's their life experiences get in the way instead of learning from them. who make their friends, their BEST friend choose them or another. they don't have the right to take charge of another's life when they can't handle their own. shit happens. people leave your life as others come into it. you make a bad decision, you learn from it, and try not to repeat it.(hey i said try, because i'll admit to repeating a few) but don't dwell on the bad, the asking of "why me?" will drive you up the fucking wall. i've been there. let my life experiences help you to not go down the path of self loathing. it leads to drinking alone, taking ny quil to help you sleep when you're not sick...and even hurting yourself. i thought that i was so miserable in highschool that when i accidently broke the glass on a picture frame....i decided to cut my wrists with it. everyday after school..all through my junior year. i ditched class and hated the world as much as i hated myself. and i made a little reminder on my skin each day. you'd never EVER guess that about me now. i've told some select friends and they didn't belive that their firy confident..yet total dork of a friend was ever like that. i made the realization that my life wasn't changing. nothing got better by doing the things i was doing. i always had that headache you get when you're really bored. y'know?
so i changed. and i told my ex-girlfriend all this. because i saw some of the same things in her, i saw where it could go. and i cared about her enough to let out things that i don't tell people. and it didn't do anything. she still didn't get what kind of person i am. what did i do wrong? was it really that aweful to care enough to let things go? would it have been better to keep my mouth shut and go along with everything? is that what she wanted? for me to sacrifice my happiness to make sure she was ok? if that's the case..well fuck you ashley. you're going to end up a very lonly person. listen to your song entitled trainwreck and think you can hurt me. tell yourself you're strong as you lean on all your friends for support. i am happy and i'm not ashamed of it. i will hang out with ALL my friends and enjoy this life. hope you're satisfied with yours at the end.